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Anyone have those friends who have no business being parents??

post #1 of 64
Thread Starter 

I need to vent!

 

I have these friends (a couple) who had a kid over a year ago... they used to be the ones who were ever-so-learned on the subject and would offer people advice on how to raise their kids. When I was pregnant, they knew exactly what to do about everything, what to take, what not to take, it's like they were obsessed with pregnancy! ...they knew all about baby products, knew every home remedy out there, when my son was born they showed me (insisted on showing me, rather), how to dress and change him... etc. 

 

Fast forward to today, they now have their own baby.... bigeyes.gif these people don't have the first clue about children!! I feel almost lied to!! It's almost like when you see Jack Hanna appear as a guest on late night tv and the host tries to bottle feed an animal of a species he's never even seen before! 

 

At first I thought it was because they were new parents, frazzled and their baby had colic (at this point, I'm doubting it was even colic, just thinking the kid was crying out for different parents)... they still can't feed or dress him, they carry him under their arms like a football, they just pass him off to random strangers at parties and take off to the other side of the house (we're talking wine and cheese parties, not raging keggers, but still...), when I saw his carseat (he's over 1 and still in an infant carrier), he's totally outgrown the straps and the shoulder straps now just kind of go around his upper arms instead of over his shoulders... 

 

There is no point to this thread, I just need to vent about all this stuff and I can't say anything to my other friends because they'll find out... I'm going insane!

 

If anyone is wondering, I have told them about the carseat, they keep saying they have the new one ready they just have to put it in and they'll do it the next day... that hasn't happened. 

post #2 of 64

That sounds very frustrating. hug2.gif Did they seem like they knew how to dress babies when they showed you on your baby, but then they didn't on their own baby? That's weird. Maybe they've got PPD or something messing with their heads.

post #3 of 64
Thread Starter 
They seemed to know better than I did at the time but I had never done it before... I'm not sure what it is, they look like they hate their own kid but keep asking to watch mine... They act all loving and sweet with my son, hug him and tickle him, and couldn't care less about theirs.
post #4 of 64

That's so sad. Poor kid.

post #5 of 64

Thats so weird! Maybe they don't like babies and prefer toddlers or something?

post #6 of 64
Thread Starter 

That might be it... the more I think about it, the more it seems like they're disappointed that they so looked forward to having a baby and theirs turned out to be not what they were expecting... He doesn't eat, doesn't sleep, never happy, doesn't play. 

When I talk to her on the phone she describes this baby with all these problems and "special needs" but whenever I see him in person it looks like they're just incompetent parents... it's so frustrating to watch!!

post #7 of 64
I think reality hits many parents hard. I know it hit me really hard when I had my DD. Reading about what to do and practicing on borrowed kids is very different than having to figure out what to do when you are sleep deprived, touched out, and in need of alone time. They sound tired and in need of a break. Maybe you could do date night swaps or something if they are good with your child.
post #8 of 64
Thread Starter 
Oh no... I would literally rather leave my son at home alone with my dogs than give him to them. They are the "cry it out" at night kind of people and during the day they leave him in his room with the door closed (not even a baby gate) to play by himself. They have a maid and pay a babysitter all the time and go out... They just seem to have grossly misinterpreted the many books they've read.
post #9 of 64

Escaping, your post just cracks me up.  My doula said, before my son was born, that I was the most prepared she had ever seen anyone.  Fast forward to now, my son is almost two. I rarely leave the house with diapers, and once I even bummed one off some parents at the mall when he pooped.  I'm the worlds laziest mom when it comes to stuff like that.  I do believe I broke all the rules and no i hardly have any outlet covers in the house.  DH watched zombie flicks and up until about 6 months ago he would have our son in his lap!

 

What's funny is that it doesn't even bother me.  There is a huge ice craam stain on DS stroller from like 6 months ago.  It's disgusting, so I just leave the sun visor up so nobody sees it.  I can't remember the last time I checked his carseat straps. 

 

I guess for me the important stuff is  good nutrition, emotional attachment (lots of talking and empathy), making sure his friends and teachers are only the best (he goes to a day care about 6 hours a week), and never losing my connection with him.  That means those hours I should have spent getting a pedicure are instead spent reading to him in his pigsty of a nursery. I'll pick up when he goes to college.

post #10 of 64

Escaping, I just read the rest of your thread.  I think maybe either  the mom is just not doing great or the son is having health problems.  If my son goes through unhappiness it almost always a health issue, and once in a while due to my negligence to his cueues (including not maintaining apredictable schedule) because I get stressed and exhausted.  

 

I think if you can find some things to really praise the mom about, however hard they are to come up with, it will open the door for communication about what is not going right with them, and sometimes we moms do need the outside objective input.

 

But yeah it's sad they are really so detached from their kiddo; they just might have no clue what he needs.

post #11 of 64
Thread Starter 

Yea I'm up there in the world's laziest mom category too lol... but these guys expend soooooo much energy on their routines, and rules and planning, will sit in a doctor's waiting room for hours a week, and on the surface seem like very busy and productive parents, but if you watch the train wreck long enough, you realize they're so frazzled because they don't know what they're doing... and they won't let anyone else help them! (and by helping, I mean give them advice)... they're more than happy to dump their kid off with anyone who offers (they even found someone on the internet the day before they had a functionbigeyes.gif), but they won't take the simplest bit of advice from anyone like to just try heating his food up in the microwave because he's probably not eating because he hates cold food like every other human being on the planet.... but they read that the microwave is unsafe as it causes hot spots, so they run the containers/bottles under hot water for 30 seconds irked.gif

post #12 of 64
Well microwaves DO cause hot spots. So that is why you have to stir the food up during/after microwaving, and test it before giving it to the kid. Easy peasy!
post #13 of 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escaping View Post

Yea I'm up there in the world's laziest mom category too lol... but these guys expend soooooo much energy on their routines, and rules and planning, will sit in a doctor's waiting room for hours a week, and on the surface seem like very busy and productive parents, but if you watch the train wreck long enough, you realize they're so frazzled because they don't know what they're doing... and they won't let anyone else help them! (and by helping, I mean give them advice)... they're more than happy to dump their kid off with anyone who offers (they even found someone on the internet the day before they had a functionbigeyes.gif), but they won't take the simplest bit of advice from anyone like to just try heating his food up in the microwave because he's probably not eating because he hates cold food like every other human being on the planet.... but they read that the microwave is unsafe as it causes hot spots, so they run the containers/bottles under hot water for 30 seconds irked.gif

 

 

I mainly avoid microwaves because it kills the nutrients at an alarming rate, and yes the hot spots do happen in certain types of foods like milk because of the way the fat is distributed.Still,I use it once in a blue moon just to get my son to eat ASAP.

 

Aside from that, yeah, your friends are bizarre.  Some people are just not that bright when it comes down to it.  LOL

post #14 of 64
I have never heated a bottle for any child in my home (foster, relative, or other.) It's perfectly fine.
post #15 of 64
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Polliwog View Post

I have never heated a bottle for any child in my home (foster, relative, or other.) It's perfectly fine.

 

...but I'm assuming your children ate? This kid doesn't eat anything because they refuse to try anything that deviates from the rules they've invented for themselves. They just dismiss it as another one of his "special needs" saying he doesn't like eating. Who doesn't like eating?? ....just like she stopped breastfeeding because she said he doesn't like being held, which now that I think about it, may have been true. I also recall them saying that he liked it when they scared the crap out of him because that was the only way they could get him to stop crying. When I saw them perform this magic trick for me, they swung him around the room and pretended to drop him and he stopped crying... I'm no expert on babies, but even I learned very quickly that they have that reflex to freeze and hold their breath when they're startled, so yea, they stop crying but that doesn't mean it's because they like what's going on. 

post #16 of 64

That is terrifying. I don't know anybody like that, and I'm glad. I mean, what do you do in that situation? Offer to help and offer advice? Call CPS? Call the grandparents? Stage an intervention? Register for a parenting class and say you don't want to go alone and try to talk one of them into going with you?

post #17 of 64

I have daycare parents who should NEVER reproduce again.  Ever.  They are recently divorced, but even with different spouses, they should never make another child.  

 

It's hard to watch, because it's a new train wreck every week with these people.  

post #18 of 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escaping View Post

He doesn't eat, doesn't sleep, never happy, doesn't play. 

 

I had friends who's son was like this.  They INSISTED he would only use the Dr Brown's bottles.  But, he gagged and cried, and it took 45 minutes to get 4 oz in him.  I had him for a few hours, and gave him a playtex bottle, he ate 6 oz in no time.  

 

They said "He never sleeps".  But, they were co-sleeping, and he was a light sleeper.  So, when they finally decided to make him sleep alone in his own room, he slept through the night, and his entire personality changed within two weeks of sleeping.  He still didn't take the Dr Brown Bottles, but now that he's off the bottle, he eats fine.  

Sometimes, parents need to let go of what doesn't work, and try everything else to see what DOES work.  They were kicking themselves after they realized how pleasant and relaxed he is when he gets enough sleep and enough to eat without the frustration.   


Edited by nextcommercial - 4/12/13 at 1:28pm
post #19 of 64
I'm sorry, it seems like they are doing some weird things, but mostly the posts just make you sound really judgmental of them. Maybe their son does have special needs. Maybe you don't have any idea the extent to what they're dealing with at home when no ones around. It seems like you assume that if they just did things the way you think they should, their child would be different. The reality is that you have no idea how the child would respond to your ideas.
post #20 of 64
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CrunchyChristianMama View Post

I'm sorry, it seems like they are doing some weird things, but mostly the posts just make you sound really judgmental of them. Maybe their son does have special needs. Maybe you don't have any idea the extent to what they're dealing with at home when no ones around. It seems like you assume that if they just did things the way you think they should, their child would be different. The reality is that you have no idea how the child would respond to your ideas.

 

I know it sounds judgmental, that's why I'm here, I just have to rant! smile.gif

 

My friends and I have all watched him so we all know he doesn't have special needs... but we also try different things until something works. I don't have one specific way of doing things, but if something consistently isn't working, I try something else. I don't care what the rules are, I just do what works. 

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