or Connect
Mothering › Groups › June 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › Let's talk about sex!

Let's talk about sex!

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 

And no, I don't mean the gender of our babies!  Warning: This thread might start out with a whole lot of TMI!

 

I have, for the last two or three months, been wanting much more sex than I am getting!  I awkwardly asked DP to make love to me one night.  I put danced around the house half naked in candle light waiting for him to get home so I could seduce him one night.  And pretty much other than those two times I don't know if we've had any other sexual encounters in two months.  Whoa, really?! There may have been one or two morning sex episodes within that time frame, but really 2-4 times in 2 months is not okay with me!

 

Every time we have sex both of us comment on how it should happen more often.  When I "seduced" him in the candle light he told me I should that do that every night he gets off work.  I almost always tell him how much better my body feels and how open my hips feel after we have sex (I need all the hip opening I can get before Baby decides to come out!).  But neither of us initiate sex very often (obviously).

 

I keep telling DP he needs to just make love to me because I don't feel sexy enough to initiate it half the time.  I walk around the house naked all the time and do silly little belly bump dances, but it's not sexy. It's silly.  And I don't mind being silly!  In those moments I'm not necessarily trying to be sexy.  But I wouldn't mind it if one afternoon while I am prancing around the house completely naked if he just grabbed me (gently and watching out for the belly) and made sweet passionate love to me! 

 

Is that too much to ask for? 

 

I know he finds me sexy, even with my ever growing belly.  I think the fact that we can't quite have sex like we used to intimidates him a little.  He doesn't want to hurt me or make me uncomfortable.  But, in all seriousness, I need it!  For both my physical and emotional well being!!

 

So ladies, tell me, how do you get things going with your partners?  Should I really just take the initiative every time I want to get laid?  Or is there something I can say to him to remind him that even though I am gestating our baby I still like the process of baby making?  I'm not terribly frustrated by it as we still snuggle and smooch all the time and I get to sleep naked next to him every night, but it's definitely welling up inside of me and I might get to a point where I can't take it anymore and I end up getting upset because I'm not getting the physical (and emotional) satisfaction that I feel I need!  And at that point I might be a huge pregnant woman with raging hormones and poor DP might get scared lol.gif

post #2 of 28

Hmm, I'm not sure.  We've been through this so many times now maybe my DP just gets it.  My breasts are VERY sensitive right now and when I want to "get laid" I pull my shirt up and make sure he can feel that their are touching him ... he gets the hint.  Occasionally he's turned off the lights/TV and started to turn over and I say, "so no sex tonight?" and he turns the TV back on (for the sound in the backgroud).

 

I very much enjoy the "touching" that goes with sex at this point and I would be happy with it every night but he works 48 hours shifts LOL

 

I would say you need to be vocal about it as often as you can, or take his pants off and make him want you winky.gif
 

post #3 of 28
Quote:

Originally Posted by RaeRae1109 View Post
 really 2-4 times in 2 months is not okay with me!

 

UGH TELL ME ABOUT IT. I swear when I was pregnant with DD we were sexxin it up all the time, especially in the 2nd trimester! It was great, and I was really pleased that DH was never intimidated by my round body, or thoughts of poking the baby, or anything like that. He actually found me incredibly sexy and initiated frequently.

 

This time we have done it twice, maybe three times. I'm talking, 2-3 times THIS ENTIRE PREGNANCY. I'm 29 weeks along. 3 times in the span of 7 months is not cutting it!

 

  But I wouldn't mind it if one afternoon while I am prancing around the house completely naked if he just grabbed me (gently and watching out for the belly) and made sweet passionate love to me! 

 

LOL this reminds me of a time recently when DH tried to initiate. It all started out well, he came up behind me and grabbed my ass (good stuff, I like what you're thinking Mister) and then he turned my head toward his and kissed me softly and passionately (mmm... I know what that kinda kiss means!) and then he ran his hands around my body and suggestively caressed ...my belly?  AAAAAAnnnnnd there goes the mood! I'm not sure why that killed it for me, but it TOTALLY did.

 

 

So, I dunno. I'm definitely not getting it enough. I have sex dreams ALL. THE. TIME. But our work schedules and our intense, demanding, high-energy 3 yr old make things difficult. On top of that, the few times we HAVE done it this pregnancy we've had to kinda rush through it so as to finish before DD came knocking, and that coupled with the angles/positions we have to use now that I'm GIANT in front, made for a really uncomfortable experience for me. It wasn't exactly painful, but certainly not pleasurable. Bah.

post #4 of 28

Wow, this subject was totally part of my day..... Hubby works graveyard tonight so when he got up from his nap before heading off to work it's go time!....eeexcept we had very little time frame and 5 kiddos to distract aaaaand lets just say one of us didn't get all the way to the 'go'.

 

  IT can be so darn frustrating to actually, as we call it "Have all the stars aligned" so we can enjoy each other  but the few and far between times for us have been wonderful. Thankfully he's real great at initiating....winky.gif

During 2nd tri we were probably 2 x per week GIO.  I was just down right horny, he loved that.

 

But now...  I miss my 2nd tri hormones and now have more of the needy-wanna-be-cuddled-mones more than anything.love.gif

 

I love the first time after baby and I'm all healed up. It's the contact most of all that I miss since this torpedo always seems to get in the way...

 

For that matter I think I just miss being hugged.. I mean besides the side -bump- one arm squeeze. guilty.gif

post #5 of 28
Thread Starter 

So glad I'm not the only one who is having an issue with this!!

 

Yes, I must be more vocal about it.  And sometimes it's hard when DP works until midnight most nights and a lot of mornings my body is just downright achey.  I think it's important, for me at least, to continue our intimacy throughout pregnancy.  Who knows when I will want to have sex again after Baby is born! 

 

Kitteh- your description of the mood being killed has got me cracking up!!  One of the last times DP and I were in the act he kind of forgot what was going on with my body and ended up smacking my belly a bit.  I had to grab his hand to stop him and make him slow down a bit.  I'm sure they quite understand the sensitivity of our bellies!!

 

Bumkin- I can only imagine with 5 kids running around it'd be hard to find some alone time! Good for you for doing so when you can.  Sometimes cuddling can be enough.  I feel like second trimester I was more needing just touch and empathy, but for some reason third trimester has made my horny hormones kick in.  Well, really, they've been there all along!

post #6 of 28

I'm so glad we can talk about sex here. I often visit the sex talk forum, but being pregnant we have our own issues.

 

 I'm also having a high libidum, and I'm getting it a faily number of times, maybe once or twice a week, if I get lucky three times. However, my vagina has been getting dryer and dryer, and so it hurts a lot. I've tried different positions (warining TMI coming up), and we tried manual sitmulation for him to just finish inside or manual stimulation for me, but it still hurts, or rather stings.  Even when I'm wiping myself aferwards, it huts/stings. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable for 5 mins, but sometimes you can tell I'm not walking properly the next day...

 

I think this is due to my dryness, and we tried using coconut oil, but it wasn't enough. I'm not producing enough lubricant myself and I'm very tender in my labia and vagina. Sometimes when I'm cleaning my labia in the shower I also hurt myself. I don't know if this is due to the hormones, or something else, do you have any suggestions?

 

 Also coming back to the original topic, we went throuhg a fase of very little sex, but I hinted my dh very often. Sometimes text messages before he got home, or sticky notes. If you don't want to be vocal about it there are other ways to hint our dhs about our needs.  Hope you get to enjoy yourself more often!

post #7 of 28

I had ZERO sex drive in the first and second trimesters.  I seriously didn't want to be touched... not sure if it was hormones or what.  It really hurt DH's feelings and he felt 'neglected'.  Now, the tables have turned.  I suddenly feel sexual and now he wants nothing to do with sex.  He says that he feels weird about knowing that the baby is right there (he's breech) and positions have been uncomfortable.  I tried being on top and my baby belly is so big, he felt weird about it.  So, we haven't been doing it much.  I feel kind of sad about it, because our sex life has gone from daily to almost non-existent.  I've also been reading articles about how men's hormones actually change close to delivery (testosterone decreases, prolactin increases) so that may have something to do with it?  

post #8 of 28

Cuau - I've always found that spit is the best way to go for moisture. Somehow the body responds well to this and it's sooo convenient (I do mean a lot of spit).

 

Ya I would say in our home the 3 year old is probably our biggest obstacle. Oh and my husband goes back to work at bed time making it harder to have time together when the little guy is not up in our business. 

 

Tv is a nice way to get some time. Our little guy doesn't usually watch tv so when we do put some on he is usually pretty interested.

 

Can't imagine how we would distract 5 at a time!! Bumkin you guys must get creative.

post #9 of 28
It would seem that ones own spit would match the bacteria of ones own privates and not be a problem.... butI have heard that spit-lube can be problematic for some. if it works for you, though, by all means keep it up! i do know, however, that there are some really really shitty lubes out there (basically anything with glycerin) that can cause yeast infections and other discomforts..not all lubes are created equal. I really had no clue about all of this until a sex therapist/educator friend started ranting and raving and gave me a bunch of different samples. Made a HUGE difference.
o
There are some excellent water based organic/vegan lubes out there. sliquid has a whole line, but there are others, too. I think 'arkadia' brand has similar natural products and offers a water based gel, too. we used a brand called 'pre-seed' when we were TTC....it hypes itself as being ph friendly and most clinically like natural juices....since we got pregnant right off the bat, we're quite happy with the extra. it was expensive, but a little goes a long way.

any way, it might be worth exploring a few of these products if you're finding that you're having dryness and discomfort. it might also be worthwhile to mention it to your midwife or care provider, especially if you're having pain.

omg. I can't believe I'm writing about lube.

JNAJLA.... excellent point about men's hormones changing, too!
Edited by Sweet Huck - 4/10/13 at 2:47pm
post #10 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by littlegreenlady View Post
 Oh and my husband goes back to work at bed time making it harder to have time together when the little guy is not up in our business.

 

Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but does your husband work nights?

 

Mine does, from 10 PM til 6AM, and I think that between his schedule and the fact that my 3 year old refuses to nap during the day, we're lucky to be getting any at all these days!

 

Anyone else experiencing soreness while DTD? At first it feels good, but then it feels like he is pummeling my poor cervix!

post #11 of 28

Kitteh - ya that schedule leaves room for little child free time. My husband actually works most of the day then comes home for a few hours around dinner time then goes back to work usually not getting home until long after I've gone to sleep. Though I guess if I wanted to I could wake up super early and jump him, but somehow sleep always wins. 

post #12 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by JNajla View Post

I had ZERO sex drive in the first and second trimesters.  I seriously didn't want to be touched... not sure if it was hormones or what.  It really hurt DH's feelings and he felt 'neglected'.  Now, the tables have turned.  I suddenly feel sexual and now he wants nothing to do with sex.  He says that he feels weird about knowing that the baby is right there (he's breech) and positions have been uncomfortable.  I tried being on top and my baby belly is so big, he felt weird about it.  So, we haven't been doing it much.  I feel kind of sad about it, because our sex life has gone from daily to almost non-existent.  I've also been reading articles about how men's hormones actually change close to delivery (testosterone decreases, prolactin increases) so that may have something to do with it?  


This is me to a T!  No sex drive in 1st and 2nd trimesters.  Now all of the sudden a switch has been engaged.  So strange.  I figured by 3rd trimester sex would be furthest from my mind.

post #13 of 28

Thanks about those recomendations for lube. I'm kind of finding out that there is a cycle for my dryness, which is prety similar to my regular menstruation cycles, thats odd, but at least I have an idea now of when I will be able to have some of my own....

post #14 of 28
Thread Starter 

Kitteh- I seem to have more pain in the beginning and then once things start warming up more it feels better.  For us it's about finding the right position so he doesn't knock my cervix around.  And the right speed!!  Pregnancy sex is fun, but it is challenging.  So many new things when a baby is gestating in there winky.gif

post #15 of 28

I love sex- especially when i'm preganant. It is all so different, and unusual, and fun to find new comfortable positions with a growing belly. DH is a bartender so gets home pretty late at night and if I want middle of the night sex (which I usually do) I just get into bed naked and wait for the 'wake up call' from him when he gets home and crawls into bed to find me naked and waiting. It's lovely - except for when one of my boys crawls into bed before him and then I find myself cuddling with a child while naked and horny - slightly awkward.

 

We are pretty sexually active anyways having sex at least once or twice a week when not prego so now it's bumped up to four or five times a week. more if I can get it. I think i'm addicted. thumb.gif

post #16 of 28
I do find that the more I get it the more I want it. It definitely becomes like an addiction! A very, very good addiction wink1.gif
post #17 of 28
Thread Starter 

ShannaCat I am super jealous of your sex life!  We have always been pretty sexually active together, at least every other day prepregnancy, so this has been killing me!  I wish being in bed naked worked for me, but I am ALWAYS naked in bed.  I don't think that cuts it anymore.  Maybe I should start wearing more clothes love.gif

post #18 of 28

Heck I'm jealous that you gals are still sleeping in bed!

 

After severely pulling a side muscle getting out of bed I've been sleeping in a recliner  (w/my 2 yr old) for the past week! 

 

So it's more like.... "Hey honey, I'm naked in this recliner....."Sheepish.gif

 

We also co-sleep so naked and horny only works in the middle of the night when kiddos are sleeping anyway! Then we head to the other room. Sometimes just the bathroom will do. 

 

Funny I never talk about our sex life to anyone as we're very protective of each other and it's always a special emotional time as well as physical and very personal.

 

BUT.......We do have our ' hot quickies' a couple times per weeks and they seem all the more exciting while pregnant hormones are raging!blush.gif

post #19 of 28

Oh my, I wish I had a sex drive. My husband wants it all the time, but I just am uncomfortable at the end of the night and my nipples are ultra sensitive. I don't have the time in the morning either. I guess we are doing it 1-2 times a week, but dh wants more. I am 33 weeks now and I told him when I get to 37 we will do it daily to try to stimulate labor. 

post #20 of 28
Am I the only one only doing it a couple times a month? You ladies are getting some serious action!
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: June 2013 Due Date Club
Mothering › Groups › June 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › Let's talk about sex!