We have a 3 year old son and have always planned on having anywhere from 2-4 kids, with about a 2 year spacing. When the time came to start trying for #2...I was terrified, (I think we both were) so we decided that a 3 year spacing would be great. When the time came to start trying, we got pregnant right away...but only found out about it in the ER because it was ectopic and ruptured my fallopian tube. Long story short, it was a semi near death situation. It was really scary, especially for my husband. Immediately after that we started saying that it's just too risky and scary to go through all of this pregnancy stuff again, and we were just grateful that everything turned out okay and that we have our sweet son, and we don't want to mess that up.
Fast forward 6 months to the present, and now having #2 is back on the table. Since I know I can't be the only one with these thoughts, I thought I'd get them out, and see what some of you have to say. With my 1st, it was as if I needed a child. I ached for one. ...and now it definitely feels different. ...which I think is normal?
- I'm scared of rolling the dice and having it interfere with my son's life if baby #2 has some sort of issue. (retardation/birth defect/etc.) (I grew up seeing the effects my cousin's retardation had on their family)
- I'm scared of going back to the baby years and also doing it now with a toddler in tow. We have no family or close friends nearby, so it's been rough. I see friends who are able to drop the kids off with a relative or friends at a moments notice, and get pretty jealous.
- I feel like I'm just starting to be able to get myself back and focus on me for a bit, with a more balance life, and I'm scared of tossing that all aside again.
- My marriage. It would just be nice to be able to have more, not less, time with my husband. (where one or both of us isn't tired and frazzled) We've been on 5 dates in 3 years. ..and never an overnight.
- Pregnancy and Birth were not super easy on me. Signing up for that again is scary. (a bit of bed rest, and a 36 hr unmedicated labor with some nice tearing.)
- I fear things like bed rest, being sick all day until 14 weeks again, and being soooo tired while taking care of my super active/mischievous/stubborn/busy toddler....with no relatives or friends around when I need them, in a pinch.
- I struggle with depression/anxiety/ADD, as it is. I had PPD last time.
I just don't understand how everyone makes a conscious decision to sign up for a second. I think a lot of them must have at least some help.
So, why do I want one?
- I would love to have a girl. A mini me.
- My son would love to have a sibling. I had a sister, and I feel like it would have been so lonely without her.
- It seems like it would feel more complete.
- I've always wanted several kids. I do love the mom gig. ...but didn't envision my family scattered all over and us living in a brand new town.
I wonder if we will regret it, if we only have one child, because it seems easier and less risky.
Oh wow, if you're still reading, I'd love to hear your thoughts.