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Having a hard time connecting to baby.

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 

I am having my third baby in 5 weeks (or less if I'm lucky) but I am just having a hard time feeling connected for some reason.  This baby was planned, very much wanted and we are excited to be expecting a boy (we have two girls).  I was very sick in the beginning and still haven't really felt good this whole pregnancy but we are healthy.  For some reason I just don't feel connected to this baby and it's bugging me.  i don't know if it's just being busy with the other two kids and not feeling great so I just don't seem to have the time to sit and commune with my baby.  I'm sure it will be fine once he's here but it just seems strange. 


Anyone else having hard time with this?  What do you do to help?

post #2 of 6

I can understand how you feel. I have two little ones about the age of yours and it is hard to feel connected when you spend your days chasing two small kids. I know I haven't much time to even prepare for the baby, let alone just sit and enjoy the excitement of pregnancy. I think part of it too is that it is the third and not much is "new" anymore. I already have felt the first kicks, twice, the braxton hicks twice, and all the other symptoms are kind of an old hat now I guess. The novelty is gone. However, I was giddy for days after the ultrasound, seeing our little girl was fabulous! FWIW, DH said that even with our second, it didn't set in that we were having another baby until my water broke! I wouldn't feel bad or be worried though, once you are holding your new little one in your arms you'll get to love and watch an entirely new and different person develop.

post #3 of 6

I also have 2 girls (just over 2 years apart) and then got pregnant (planned) with a boy.... He is now 2 months old and just such a wonderful member of our family.


Anyways, I also had a horrid pregnancy, much harder than with the girls.... I didn't feel connected and was resenting being pregnant (I really HURT for the last 3 months).  One day a few weeks before the birth, I took some time in the bath to talk to baby and get into a better space so that I felt more connected.... It was nice.  I went back to being busy and pre-occupied with the girls, but it was a nice reminder that a new person was going to enter our lives.  Good luck and be gentle to yourself... busy lady!

post #4 of 6

I never feel connected to the baby. The first time I was pregnant, it was horrible. I was miserable the entire time, and I often growled at my distended belly that, "You'd better be worth it." (She is.) It is always after giving birth that I feel the connection to the baby.  You are not the only one.

post #5 of 6
I only have one two year old and I'm also having a had time connecting. It was worse than my DD in the first trimester but since then it's been easy and fairly comfortable. My DD keeps me on the move and occupied and I sometimes forget I'm pregnant - I just feel fatter and more tired/out of shape. Once baby moves, I think "oh yeah! You're in there too!!" lol. Meh I figure once baby is born my instincts will kick in just like they did with DD and it will turn out ok. I do miss the pregnancy excitement though. This time it's more like terror, wondering how on earth I'll manage lol
post #6 of 6

Feeling the same with #4 and had the same feelings with #2. My first was a girl and I wanted a boy for #2.  I was so disappointed it was another girl. I had such a strong bond with my first.  I was the perfect mother.  When #2 came she felt like a stranger.  I LOVED her.  I thought she was beautiful but she was so different from my first.  My first was very easy. #2 was colic.  She didn't sleep (6 hours in 24 hour period never more then 20 minutes at a time) She cried for 6-8 hours every night from the time she was a few days -8 weeks. I couldn't comfort her in anyway.  The hardest for me was like my heart was ripped in 2. I didn't feel like I could love 2 children. I could no longer be a perfect mother just a crappy half a mother. As time went by it worked out and I'm glad she was a girl because my 2 oldest are best friends.


#3 was finally my boy and he fit in perfect.  I was always and still am very connected and love my only son.


#4 was suppose the be his brother, best friend, and my last child.  He is a she and I'm having a hard time with that. I just keep saying to myself "another girl". I tried to look at cute girl baby clothes and it just makes me sad. I'm excited to see her and her personality and how she is different from my other girls but I don't feel the connection. 

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