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Mothering › Groups › July 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › First time moms, are you going a little crazy like me? Cant "figure out" cosleeping plans ect..

First time moms, are you going a little crazy like me? Cant "figure out" cosleeping plans ect..

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
&the reason why i cant figure this all out is because i think too far ahead, i imagine every possible problem, i keep every thread with reassuring advice to go back to & then it all piles up. I become overwhelmed after beaming at my own confidence over facing the unknown. I get fed up with this computer&talking out loud to write at a pace fast enough that i can actually get it all out& it seems like no matter what i just cant. Theres no enough time&its all just going to happen &come-ready or not....ok, sorry everyone. Lets pick a concrete thing, for me cosleeping worries, especially after the baby starts moving around is...just uncomprehensable to me. That combined with me imagining myself completely exhausted& not thinking clearly& sacrificing so much. I dont want to depress anyone. &my stupid phone battery is giving out on me again, i need to get this fixed. It will black out soon, why wont it just charge like its supoosed to. But i need sleep anyway.
post #2 of 24

I definitely flip-flop between freaking out because I don't have every little thing planned out and going back to relaxing and realizing that there are many, many things that I *can't* properly plan for.

 

I was feeling a major co-sleeping panic for a while, so I totally get that. I could not decide whether we were going to buy a bigger bed or do something temporary or what. Then I found a crib in the barn (I know, ridiculous, right? My partner says it was not his 22 yo son's, either...he has no idea where it came from or whose it was), realized that if we turned the bed 90 degrees it would fit perfectly sidecarred, and voila. I know not everyone is going to find some random crib in their barn, but I guess the point is that there are always solutions....

 

I think you're *right* that ready or not, our babies are going to come...and that *none* of us, first-timers or otherwise, are going to be 100% prepared for the new individuals coming into our lives. I nannied for a co-sleeping family once. They were totally committed, ready to put their bed on the floor when baby started moving and rolling. But turns out, he hated it and would not stay in the bed once he became mobile. So they went to Ikea and bought a $99 crib. Their next two babies co-slept just fine. It's the kind of thing you just roll with.

 

No matter what our intentions, I think we're always going to get surprises. But as I keep telling myself, stores are not going to close, and there's not suddenly going to be a worldwide shortage of the ONE thing I needed but didn't anticipate the moment the baby is here, you know?

 

So, for you, cosleeping is your big worry. Well, it seems to me like there are basically three ways to do it: 1) big enough bed 2) cosleeper 3) sidecarred crib. Which one of these options is cheapest/easiest for you at the moment? 

post #3 of 24

Love this advice, zeeohee. Like you said, the stores aren't going to close. It's funny that hereweare posted this thread at this time, because I woke up at 5 am this morning in a "where's the baby going to sleep?" preoccupation.

 

I too am a first time mom and these questions are just a wee bit stressful if you don't have a plan worked out. (Or if you're just stressed because you think you need a plan!)

 

I feel that the bed/crib issue is a big one because of cultural expectations in this country about cribs. My husband actually remembers being in a crib as a toddler and thinking of it as a jail, not being able to wait to get out of it! My mother in law is sure to be horrified that we don't have a crib in the "nursery" and just thinking about that kind of sucks. I almost want to buy a crib at Ikea or on craigslist and just put it in the nursery as a decoy so she doesn't know... but I'm too budget conscious to do that I think. Maybe I could get an Ikea crib that converts to toddler bed, so we can use it later???

 

For me, I'm not going to be comfortable with true cosleeping in same bed because I'm a heavy sleeper and I don't totally trust myself to do it right. I looked at comments on Mothering dicussions about the "By Your Side" cosleeper, a product I really like in theory, but most people say they don't really use theirs (it's an expensive laundry hamper, etc.)

 

We did register for a Pack and Play which says it has a bassinet... so could we just use that in our room, to start with? My hesitation is that I read that portable cribs aren't subject to same safety regulations as "real" cribs.

 

I suppose my main issue isn't whether the baby is literally right next to me in bed but rather that the baby is within stagger-out-of-bed distance, in our own bedroom. I hate the idea of baby sleeping in another room away from us. I think maybe a bassinet or (horrors!) crib in our room near our bed would work.

 

Sorry for the ramble. What do you guys think?

post #4 of 24
Eilis- I'm in the same place I think, where I am not committed enough to real co-sleeping, but it is REALLY important to me that baby be nearby through the night.

Also, OP, I was in the same over-analytic anxious place, but I took a solid month-long break from any serious planning in March and I am back now with a lot more confidence and clarity because things have had time to settle, and I've had time to "let go" of perfection and optimization.

As far as what we're doing for sleep: We are side-carring a real, convertible crib that has two heights to the bed with furniture straps designed for this purpose.

We'll take the side rail that faces the bed off, then replace it when baby is older and we move the crib to stand-alone.
post #5 of 24

thank you, cynthiamoon! I also took month of March off from planning. :) it was a nice break.

 

can I ask what brand of "real, convertible crib" you got and did you buy it new?
 

post #6 of 24
We haven't picked it yet, but the basic design seems the same across brands.

The cheapest example I can give you is the Gulliver crib from Ikea, but we plan on looking at more conventional furniture stores still to see about a sturdier, less spartan option.

Basically they have all have 2 heights and a removable side. The idea being that when baby is tiny, you have it higher up, and when baby gets bigger, you lower the mattress height so they can't crawl out. Then, when they are more independent, you can remove a side, and they can climb down on their own.

I think we are getting the strap from Arm's Reach, who makes a co-sleeper designed to side car like this. I just don't like the plasticky stuff, so the Arm's Reach doesn't interest me. It's more aesthetics than anything.
post #7 of 24

I am going to be the odd ball out here, but here goes:
Here we are, maybe you shouldn't be co sleeping if this is stressing you out this much AND THAT"S OKAY. I was totally freaked out about co sleeping, and how my husband/I was going to roll over Bean in his sleep, and that I was already totally changing my lift for this kid, and I would really really like to keep my bed as the place for me and my husband, and one of my very best, very wise friends (heyitskalista) said "sounds like co sleeping isn't for you two, that's okay". 
Once we decided not to co sleep, I felt so much better. We are planning to do a bassinet by the bedside for a little bit, then a crib in his nursery (we both really like the IKEA one). 

I think what works/is working for me and my husband is actually not listening to a lot of advice. I'm taking advice from people that I know are more like me and Chris. What works for other people might not work for you, which is part of the reason parenting is so hard, because there are no perfect answers, or solutions. My MIL and mother both tried to give me breastfeeding advice, except they are C and B cups and I am an H. 

 

Also, as my husband would say "every crib is convertible, they just might not convert back" (LOL, the joys of being with an engineer)

post #8 of 24

Cool! I just copied your post, Cynthiamoon, to my evernote baby file! You rock. Thanks so much. This plan sounds right for me.

 

I looked at Gulliver online and I am down with the spartan and less sturdy. :) We have Ikea everything else anyway in our house...

 

I just made a couple of google alerts for Ikea cribs in my region, so hopefully I can nab one off of Craigslist and buy a new mattress at Ikea. If I can't find on Craigslist, I'll just buy the whole thing new. If you put "sidecar gulliver crib" into google images you get some nice inspiration. I like how Gullivers can be painted -- something we could do if we buy used and it's a little banged up.

 

I'll figure out later the whole strap thing - good thought to use arm's reach, I'll remember that. I'm just confused about what it gets strapped to. My main mattress? The bottom of the bed frame? ? ?

post #9 of 24
I'm butting in since I have a two year old but wanted to echo some of the advice above from a BTDT perspective. You can have all the plans in the world but baby may have different ideas.
As for the cosleeping, I 100% agree with rainbownurse: it isn't for everyone! I would get a bassinet for immediately after birth. You can have it right next to the bed as a backup if the baby being in bed with you doesn't work. If you don't need it overnight, it's still a great place for baby to nap and be nearby during the day. It's small, light and easy to use. I hated my playpen past 15 lbs because I couldn't use its bassinet anymore. Also my cats loved to claw the mesh eyesroll.gif this baby will have a bassinet and DD's old crib as cosleeping in our bed just doesn't work for us.
post #10 of 24
Here's the thing about babies. They don't follow plans. You can think about it and stress over it and plan for it but in the end, you'll probably change it all on e baby gets here. Some babies love co-sleeping, some hate it. Some will sleep really well, some wont. You may think you will love co-sleeping g and then find you prefer baby have its own place. You may plan on using a crib and the discover that it doesn't work for you.

My best advice is to not let yourself get overwhelmed! Take everything as it comes! It will all work out, after some trial and error!

It will all be ok, I promise! smile.gif
post #11 of 24

Cynthiamoon, thanks for mentioning that there is a strap for this! I didn't realize there was something ready-made. I agree with you about the Arms' Reach... it's aesthetics for me, too.

 

Rainbownurse, my partner is an engineer, too, and he said the exact same thing about the crib I found in the barn (which thankfully has slats the current recommended distance apart). It may not be useful for anything other than sidecarring to a bed ever again, but dangit, it's going to fit our bed now ;)

post #12 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbownurse View Post

I am going to be the odd ball out here, but here goes:
Here we are, maybe you shouldn't be co sleeping if this is stressing you out this much AND THAT"S OKAY. I was totally freaked out about co sleeping, and how my husband/I was going to roll over Bean in his sleep, and that I was already totally changing my lift for this kid, and I would really really like to keep my bed as the place for me and my husband, and one of my very best, very wise friends (heyitskalista) said "sounds like co sleeping isn't for you two, that's okay". 


Yes!! I'm a very sound sleeper and I don't think the baby would be safe, even if it would be good for my husband and my relationship (we like to snuggle, yes, still). So...bassinet (a hand-me-down) nearby and then a crib when the baby is sleeping longer. We haven't even looked at cribs yet (since we don't have a/the house yet anyway). And yes, I'm in my third trimester, but even if the baby sleeps in a dresser drawer, it's still going to be somewhere safe. There's not a "wrong" in this, as long as you AND baby are safe. And I think being safe mentally is a HUGE part of your ability to react and respond to baby.

post #13 of 24

I had a total "I am not ready for this" meltdown today. I am a first time mom, and I am nervous about, well, pretty much everything.  I have to say, I am not planning on co sleeping, or even sleeping in the same room as Mason. I am such a light sleeper, if my dog stretches it wakes me up. We set up a crib in the nursery, and I have every intention of using it. We bought ours at Ikea :) I really like it, it is pretty sturdy, converts into a toddler bed and looks nice. With our luck, Mason will hate his crib and will only be able to sleep when he is in the same room with us lol. 

One of my friends just adopted a baby, and they wanted him to sleep in their bed. That did not work for them, so they put a crib in their bedroom. Still, neither of the three got any sleep, and now, that he is in his own room all three of them are able to sleep well. 

I think it just goes to show that we won't know what will happen until it happens. Its like my husband says "Don't worry about it, you can't change it anyways". I think he has a lot easier time relaxing than I do :) 

post #14 of 24

Yeah.. I had nightmares with my first about not having the right baby stuff.  I had my baby and it had no where to sleep etc. LOL

I dont care so much this time.  I'm not really buying anything

post #15 of 24
Thread Starter 
Hi everyone, thank you all soo much, i will be back to reply soon &hopefully figure this all out with your help, its the only advice i have acess to & it means a lot to me. So, I have finally got a passed down Arms Reach but it smells terrible, the smell took over the whole room & gave me such a headache for hours. Its a very chemical, perfume like smell that is making me very sad&determined to fix but maybe not possible 100%.The model is the Mini so the washable parts do not detach. I researched how to clean archives for an hour, it seems like a common problem with no ea:joysy solution, at least to me. I want to hose it off with hot water with my sink extenstion after spraying it, (with a whole bottle of oxyclean ).Some people were saying no to hosing it off but I think even if i do, like 3 times in a row, the smell will linger. I also need to wait until its hot enough to dry it outside I would guess. Can too much water damage it? I worry even the poles will have the smell on it &bother me. I hadnt decided on what to do about sleeping yet, but it was free&i went thru so much trouble to get it & now i dont know what to do. I hear steaming may work, so i am looking for a handheld steamer that i may be able to return after using it. The matress smells the worst so i think i need something else, maybe the organic mattress i could buy for it, if i can clean it. But i worry i can only use it for 6 months b/c it doesnt convert. If i did get a bigger one in the future, could i put the smaller matress in it? Is there some other option, like folded blanket, but without the mattress its completly saggy. I know I am a bit pathetic here& I cant think straight, I just cry thinking of how to do this.
Edited by here we are - 4/16/13 at 7:54pm
post #16 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by zeeohee View Post

I definitely flip-flop between freaking out because I don't have every little thing planned out and going back to relaxing and realizing that there are many, many things that I *can't* properly plan for.

I was feeling a major co-sleeping panic for a while, so I totally get that. I could not decide whether we were going to buy a bigger bed or do something temporary or what. Then I found a crib in the barn (I know, ridiculous, right? My partner says it was not his 22 yo son's, either...he has no idea where it came from or whose it was), realized that if we turned the bed 90 degrees it would fit perfectly sidecarred, and voila. I know not everyone is going to find some random crib in their barn, but I guess the point is that there are always solutions....

I think you're *right* that ready or not, our babies are going to come...and that *none* of us, first-timers or otherwise, are going to be 100% prepared for the new individuals coming into our lives. I nannied for a co-sleeping family once. They were totally committed, ready to put their bed on the floor when baby started moving and rolling. But turns out, he hated it and would not stay in the bed once he became mobile. So they went to Ikea and bought a $99 crib. Their next two babies co-slept just fine. It's the kind of thing you just roll with.

No matter what our intentions, I think we're always going to get surprises. But as I keep telling myself, stores are not going to close, and there's not suddenly going to be a worldwide shortage of the ONE thing I needed but didn't anticipate the moment the baby is here, you know?

So, for you, cosleeping is your big worry. Well, it seems to me like there are basically three ways to do it: 1) big enough bed 2) cosleeper 3) sidecarred crib. Which one of these options is cheapest/easiest for you at the moment? 
I guess I want most long lasting solution, because I have to prioritize what I buy. I wonder if a sidecarred crib could out last an Arms Reach, if i had to choose one. for either one I want to buy a natural materials mattress. my bed is a queen, &my partner is a smoker. We are working on minimizing smoke exposure&changing clothes more often. . I dont understand how to not use my blankets really and safety precauations &what about when baby starts crawling in the bed, .I dont think the arms reach is comfortable when used as a playyard bed but I think it can serve more purposes after the cosleeper mode, for sleeping maybe or having a place to set baby. I guess it cant be knocked over by a growing child? Or I would stick it between things like a crib. I cant even respond without feeling so confused, i just dont know.
post #17 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eilis View Post

Love this advice, zeeohee. Like you said, the stores aren't going to close. It's funny that hereweare posted this thread at this time, because I woke up at 5 am this morning in a "where's the baby going to sleep?" preoccupation.

I too am a first time mom and these questions are just a wee bit stressful if you don't have a plan worked out. (Or if you're just stressed because you think you need a plan!)

I feel that the bed/crib issue is a big one because of cultural expectations in this country about cribs. My husband actually remembers being in a crib as a toddler and thinking of it as a jail, not being able to wait to get out of it! My mother in law is sure to be horrified that we don't have a crib in the "nursery" and just thinking about that kind of sucks. I almost want to buy a crib at Ikea or on craigslist and just put it in the nursery as a decoy so she doesn't know... but I'm too budget conscious to do that I think. Maybe I could get an Ikea crib that converts to toddler bed, so we can use it later???

For me, I'm not going to be comfortable with true cosleeping in same bed because I'm a heavy sleeper and I don't totally trust myself to do it right. I looked at comments on Mothering dicussions about the "By Your Side" cosleeper, a product I really like in theory, but most people say they don't really use theirs (it's an expensive laundry hamper, etc.)

We did register for a Pack and Play which says it has a bassinet... so could we just use that in our room, to start with? My hesitation is that I read that portable cribs aren't subject to same safety regulations as "real" cribs.

I suppose my main issue isn't whether the baby is literally right next to me in bed but rather that the baby is within stagger-out-of-bed distance, in our own bedroom. I hate the idea of baby sleeping in another room away from us. I think maybe a bassinet or (horrors!) crib in our room near our bed would work.


Sorry for the ramble. What do you guys think?
I definetly feel stressed about the ArmsReach "laundry hamper" issue. if we never know until you try what will you do after we already spent the money. arm's reach will.out last the pack n play for weight limitns . When i think of a convertible crib, I wander off to thinking about a twin bed just because it's bigger, but I don't think it would work the same with added bedrails or something. I don't really understand bedrails at all. When i think of a crib, that would be closest, i hope it would work out, but again , what if baby just wont sleep in it? In the begginning i think being in my bed may be easiest even though it may be the most difficult safety wise, but once rolling and crawling.. I dont think i am any help, i just seem to add to the worry.
post #18 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by cynthiamoon View Post

We haven't picked it yet, but the basic design seems the same across brands.

The cheapest example I can give you is the Gulliver crib from Ikea, but we plan on looking at more conventional furniture stores still to see about a sturdier, less spartan option.

Basically they have all have 2 heights and a removable side. The idea being that when baby is tiny, you have it higher up, and when baby gets bigger, you lower the mattress height so they can't crawl out. Then, when they are more independent, you can remove a side, and they can climb down on their own.

I think we are getting the strap from Arm's Reach, who makes a co-sleeper designed to side car like this. I just don't like the plasticky stuff, so the Arm's Reach doesn't interest me. It's more aesthetics than anything.
Maybe i will do this, skipping the used arms reach& new matress option. It sounds simple but i just imagine baby wanting to sleep with me. I outthink myself. I need a month off but it feels too late to do that now.i am interested in using the arms reach straos idea.
post #19 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by skycheattraffic View Post

I'm butting in since I have a two year old but wanted to echo some of the advice above from a BTDT perspective. You can have all the plans in the world but baby may have different ideas.
As for the cosleeping, I 100% agree with rainbownurse: it isn't for everyone! I would get a bassinet for immediately after birth. You can have it right next to the bed as a backup if the baby being in bed with you doesn't work. If you don't need it overnight, it's still a great place for baby to nap and be nearby during the day. It's small, light and easy to use. I hated my playpen past 15 lbs because I couldn't use its bassinet anymore. Also my cats loved to claw the mesh eyesroll.gif this baby will have a bassinet and DD's old crib as cosleeping in our bed just doesn't work for us.
Thank you again Skythetraffic smile.gif, no worries about butting in. Your advice sounds practical. it makes me think of having the arms reach & the crib, like your bassinette. I haven't looked into bassinettee at all, maybe i better not-more choices. Plus the arms reach could have multipurpose vs bassinette..now i am reasoning with myself. I want to check prices just to peek.
I guess when I think of it this way it seems simpler, like if its not one issue it s anoth. er . like what's the difference.if s baby can't sleep in the bedbed, i will have crib "issues". If in the bed, other issues. Try my best to try boty. But what if baby wont sleep in the crib!
post #20 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by heyitskalista View Post

Here's the thing about babies. They don't follow plans. You can think about it and stress over it and plan for it but in the end, you'll probably change it all on e baby gets here. Some babies love co-sleeping, some hate it. Some will sleep really well, some wont. You may think you will love co-sleeping g and then find you prefer baby have its own place. You may plan on using a crib and the discover that it doesn't work for you.

My best advice is to not let yourself get overwhelmed! Take everything as it comes! It will all work out, after some trial and error!

It will all be ok, I promise! smile.gif
my phone is starting to go crazy again, so I am racing now. how to prioritize kalista? If we dont know what will work? & if what works changes? I dont mean to worry sso much good at least I know I care hopefully that'll make up for it a little:). let me know what you think of my strange plans if you want. all I know is I need major help.,
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