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Do big families bother you?

post #1 of 69
Thread Starter 
I was out with a cousin and our kids, and we saw in a parking lot a van with a little stick figure family on it, and according to the stick figures, the family had nine kids. My cousin said, "Nobody has any business having that many kids." Then I reminded her that our parents (siblings) were in a family with eight kids, which isn't that far off. But she said that it bothers her because she thinks it's bad for the environment, and because she thinks it's unfair to the kids, particularly the older ones, because the kids don't get enough individual attention and the older ones end up being forced to do a lot of work they didn't sign up for.

I feel like reproductive choices can only be made by those personally affected by those choices, so I don't really give big families any thought.

Any opinions?
post #2 of 69
Considering that I'm pregnant with #8, you can assume I don't have any problem with it.

I've had people try to tell me things like your cousin said. Frankly, if there's something no one has "any business" doing, it's telling other people how many kids they are allowed to have. I remember once when my kids were riding a carnival ride, and the operator tried to lecture me about how I was destroying my kids lives by giving them so many siblings, and how they would hate me for it. Not only is that incredibly rude, he's totally wrong. My kids LOVE having a big family, get excited when they find out we're having another, and have repeatedly told me that we should have more.

IMHO, the gall of people who don't even know my family assuming that they know how it works, or people who don't know my children telling me that I don't know how my children feel, is nothing short of astounding.
post #3 of 69
It doesn't bother me as a general rule. I personally would have loved to have more than two kids. That said, I know someone who had six kids and she has no business having any. They live in utter poverty and none of the THREE, yes three!, fathers pay child support. Each conception was a conscious choice. That bothers me, but my opinion is that if you can afford it financially and emotionally, you should have as many kids as you wish.
post #4 of 69
Nope, they don't. It isn't something I would choose for myself, but I definitely understand those that choose it for themselves. I come from a family of big families though, so I think that helps it seem more normal to me. My Mom is one of 6 children and her and 2 other siblings have 4 children each, 1 has 8, 1 has 7 and the "odd" one has 2 smile.gif And yeah, it is definitely not my place to tell someone how many children they can and can't have, I certainly wouldn't want someone dictating that to me, no matter what the circumstances!
post #5 of 69
It doesn't bother me. I have 4, which is kind of considered big. The stick figure decals are annoying though. In my opinion.
post #6 of 69

My family stickers on my minivan are zombies. Dh has a machine and program so he can make those stickers, so he made me a whole zombie family, including our dogs.

post #7 of 69

And as for the cars with tons of kid stickers...there are many grandparents who have stickers for their grandchildren.

 

We have seen around town a car with the back window covered in cat stickers LOL

post #8 of 69

We have six and most of them are begging me to have or adopt more. My good friend who has eleven says the same thing. 

 

As far as work, that is something that comes with the territory called life. It wouldn't matter if we had only one, that one child would still be working.

 

Environment - teach your children to be producers and not merely consumers. A small family or even a single person has as much ability to waste resources as a large family and most large families I know have limited means, which equates to being more careful and stretching out the resources they have.

post #9 of 69
Quote:
That bothers me, but my opinion is that if you can afford it financially and emotionally, you should have as many kids as you wish.

that's what matters to me, please don't ask me to pay for your choices 

 

my grandmother came from a very large family (9), all the sibling went on to have only one, two and three choose none (and this was during the baby boom too) - none liked having a large family growing up and didn't want it either, their children's children also went on to have none and one had two children

 

growing up I only knew one family (with 4 and that was large) their children also didn't want a large family, only one has children, two

 

I know no one now IRL that has more than two now, my family-both sides of parents, I only have two first cousins (only one has a child) and two second cousins (only one has two children) so I am use to small, my DH also only has a sibling and didn't want our child to have siblings (I have one much older- not even close in age and on opposite sides of the county too, so they aren't growing up together)-both his sides of family are very small and are baby boomers too

 

financially is really the big thing in most I know, many didn't like (as in the case with my grandmother) the emotional reprocussions 

 

we hate the window stickers too

post #10 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplerose View Post

My family stickers on my minivan are zombies. Dh has a machine and program so he can make those stickers, so he made me a whole zombie family, including our dogs.

Mine are robots. Build-your-own robots, in fact, so every one is different. wink1.gif I love them, and I got them from ThinkGeek. They also have zombies, Star Wars, Marvel superheroes and Batman. wink1.gif
Quote:
Originally Posted by fruitfulmomma View Post

We have six and most of them are begging me to have or adopt more. My good friend who has eleven says the same thing. 

I used to read a blog of a lady with twelve and the youngest three were adopted. Apparently she was in her 50s when she got the call about adopting her youngest, and she was going to say no, that she was too old, and her kids said she couldn't turn away a little boy who needed a family. All three of her adopted kids, plus one of her biological kids, have Down's Syndrome.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fruitfulmomma View Post

As far as work, that is something that comes with the territory called life. It wouldn't matter if we had only one, that one child would still be working.

Sometimes when my older kids are having to do a job that includes, say, cleaning up after the younger ones, I tell them, "Even if you were an only child you'd still have to help out. I'd just have to work harder to find things for you to do. Teaching you to work is part of my job." They don't actually complain about that; I just worry a little because everybody and their brother wants to tell me how it's not fair that my kids -- gasp! -- have to help around the house!

Near the beginning of my homeschooling career, I read a book that said a child's day should be divided thusly: 3/6 play, 2/6 work, 1/6 formal schooling. I agree with that philosophy. Play (real, unstructured play) and work are very important to a child's development, and far too overlooked in our society.
post #11 of 69
It doesn't bother me at all.

The environmental argument is just silly. I know plenty of families with 1 or 2 kids who have a FAR bigger negative impact on the environment than some large families I know.

I hate bumper/window stickers of any sort.
post #12 of 69

It doesn't bother me. It's no secret that children greatly increase your carbon footprint but really, why should anyone care? At the rate the population is growing in certain countries, the world as we know it will one day come to an end anyway, it isn't like me having 8 kids will make even the slightest difference (I only have 1 but 8 would be cool smile.gif). 

As for them not getting the attention from their parents as less children would, my mom is from a family of 10 kids, 2 parents, grandmother and a nanny (14 in total), she said they all loved it. The kids would all form "groups" so it didn't even seem to them like their family was that big at all.

post #13 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post

It doesn't bother me at all.

The environmental argument is just silly. I know plenty of families with 1 or 2 kids who have a FAR bigger negative impact on the environment than some large families I know.
 

No it`s not. It is true that some one-child families have a bigger negative impact on the environment than, say, a 10-kid family. However, it`s simple math. Suppose the one kid decides to have one kid, and the 10 kids have each ten kids, the impact on the environment of 100+ people is a lot bigger than the one-kid family`s impact. The more we are, the bigger our impact is, no matter how environmentally friendly we strive to be.

post #14 of 69

It's more about the carbon legacy than the actual emissions of the family. Someone who drives 3 SUVs to work each day but has no kids is undoubtedly going to have less of an impact on the future of the environment than someone with 10 kids, who cloth diapers and doesn't even drive. 

post #15 of 69
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escaping View Post

It's more about the carbon legacy than the actual emissions of the family. Someone who drives 3 SUVs to work each day but has no kids is undoubtedly going to have less of an impact on the future of the environment than someone with 10 kids, who cloth diapers and doesn't even drive. 

Only for that one generation. The people with no kids - their carbon legacy ends with them. The people with ten kids will end up with ten future families who also have carbon legacies, and generations after that.
post #16 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightwish View Post

No it`s not. It is true that some one-child families have a bigger negative impact on the environment than, say, a 10-kid family. However, it`s simple math. Suppose the one kid decides to have one kid, and the 10 kids have each ten kids, the impact on the environment of 100+ people is a lot bigger than the one-kid family`s impact. The more we are, the bigger our impact is, no matter how environmentally friendly we strive to be.

 

Doh! Big families still don't bother me, but you're right, I was thinking shortsightedly. 

 

Escaping and mamazee, aren't you saying the same thing in your most recent posts? 

post #17 of 69
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post

Doh! Big families still don't bother me, but you're right, I was thinking shortsightedly. 

Escaping and mamazee, aren't you saying the same thing in your most recent posts? 

Oh yeah. I have a headache today and misread it. Sorry, Escaping!
post #18 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post


Oh yeah. I have a headache today and misread it. Sorry, Escaping!

 

No problem... feel better! smile.gif

post #19 of 69

I can (kind of) understand being concerned about the environment, even though larger families often make wiser and more conscious choices that make their carbon foot print smaller. I can't understand being judgmental about how much time parents have for individual kids. How does she know what goes on in X family? No inside insight = no right to judge, I think.

post #20 of 69

Yup.

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