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Mothering › Groups › September 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › To have or not to have: 2nd baby shower?

To have or not to have: 2nd baby shower?

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
I just want to put it out there to mamas who are having their 2nd child or mamas who are not sure they are having a shower or friends/family to offer to host.

I had this very issue with my first-- my supposed BFF at the time made feel like she didn't want to host my shower but had to. I decided to skip the drama and ask my sister to host. It was pretty mortifying and I felt like I had to help. It was just drama all around.

But my family/friends really helped with buying us stuff we needed and I really appreciated that. The games were fun and I felt special being measured for a prize and whatnot. We aren't well off at the moment and if we have a boy-- it would be so great to get some gender specific stuff and it's fun to have a party. But I feel a bit tacky throwing it myself and to be honest-- I'm not sure I want to. Nor do I feel like anyone will offer. Which is sad to say but true-- we live pretty private lives and with DD, don't have a full social calendar IYKWIM! Lol!

I was thinking about a "welcome baby" party a few weeks postpartum but ugh-- I'll be SO EXHAUSTED I don't think I can handle the stress of throwing a party or even having ANYONE over. I was very annoyed with people coming out of the woodwork to see my daughter and hold her. I did not enjoy the invasion of privacy.

I really don't know what is considered typical for the second baby. I'm thinking we will just do nothing at this point even though I want to celebrate this baby as it is probably our last.

What do y'all think? I'd love to discuss this!
post #2 of 16

I think the one "rule" to a shower (if there are any), is that mama doesn't throw it herself.  

 

With my first, my mom threw me a shower, and the ladies I worked with threw me a surprise shower.  With my second, my stepmom threw me a small shower because she wasn't involved with the shower I had with my first, and it was mostly her side of the family-but it was just a few ladies, and I received clothes and such-no large ticket items. No shower of any kind with my third-although our old church wanted to throw me one, but my former MIL was the point person on picking a date and coordinating things and she didn't so it never happened.  With my 4th, I was thrown a shower by my SIL, because it was my first boy, so thought by most to be an occasion to celebrate. Again, I received clothes, diapers, and other small items you might get new with each baby.  

 

She's already talking about it, but I've already told Eric I would really prefer his mom not throw a shower.  This is my 5th child, 4th girl, and aside from some clothing odds and ends and a few diaper covers, I'm not in need of anything.  That being said, this is only her 2nd grandchild-the first in almost 24 years, and she's been super excited all along. At Easter, she tried to get us all to dress in pink as the big "gender reveal", and ended up getting her husband to wear a pink shirt. I could maybe possibly see her throwing a shower with family from his side, except most of them had snarky things to say (not to my face, of course) about me being pregnant-either about us not being married, or it being my 5th, or his age-he's 45, etc., so I doubt they'd even want to get anything for the baby, and frankly, I don't want to be in a room with women who couldn't even be adult enough to make small talk with me at Easter.

 

And it may be grumpy and hormonal of me, but I would rather choose the few items I need and be finished with it, rather than be given a bunch of things that others want to get me, and that I may never use, because I am very minimalist when it comes to baby clothes and supplies. Even at my last shower, I was given bottles and formula and disposable diapers and such-none of which were needed or used. 

post #3 of 16

I think it's fine to throw a little prenatal get-together, but I would probably shy away from calling it a shower.  This is totally my opinion and not based on anything else, really, but when I hear "baby shower" the subliminal message I receive is "food/games/present required".  If I hear a little hot dog grilling party (or tea party, whatever!) to celebrate the impending growth of a family, I think "fun get together with friends/present optional but polite".

 

I think most people would bring a present if you held an informal get together, but for second babies, unless they're spaced more than ~6 years apart, I think the idea of a second baby shower is a bit tacky.

post #4 of 16
My family threw me a huge shower for my dd. She was my first and it was awesome. This time my sisters offered and I declined. I really don't need anything that we can't get ourselves. That being said, my sister had a son 9 months ago, he's her 3rd baby but her first 2 are twin girls and they were 5 when he was born. Instead of a full blown shower we did a "Treat Yo Self" day (parks and rec anyone??) that consisted of her girls, our mom, us sisters, our aunt, female cousin, and grandma. It was just a fun little lunch, glitter toe, and presents thing. Low key but served the purpose of celebrating this new little guy on the way. We may end up doing the same for this baby.. But mainly because I want glitter toes and a girls day.
post #5 of 16

MamaMash - GREAT Parks & Rec reference!  I also love the idea of having a low-key and fun girls day!

post #6 of 16
Thread Starter 

I've been seriously considering going down to Palm Springs for a spa weekend with the girls. But the fun part is bar hopping and I wont be able to partake in that-- so we'll see. ;) I don't really *want* to throw a party but would of course love if someone wanted to throw one for me! It's pretty unlikely, however. Thanks for the advice on this-- I also agree about the tackiness of throwing your own.

post #7 of 16
I had a big shower with DS's pregnancy thrown by coworkers, but gave birth 2 days before my family shower!
This time, some friends will hold a blessingway for me and the baby. I'm looking forward to that but want to make sure nobody feels obligated to bring gifts or baby things. I don't really need anything other than some hand me downs that are already coming my way. So it'll be singing, thoughts, blessings, maybe bead gifting, potluck food and perhaps a belly cast.
post #8 of 16

I don't know if it's been said or not, because I didn't read all of the responses, but from what I understand, it's one shower per sex... That's why we ended up finding out the sex, because if it ended up being a girl (WHICH IT DID!), then we needed to throw another shower because we have nooo girl stuff.

post #9 of 16

I don't think there will be (nor do I expect) a shower this time around.  Truly, just a lunch/dinner out with some girlfriends would be great.  It is so rare to have time alone or with all my friends that I will greatly appreciate being given that opportunity. All of our big ticket stuff was neutral last time purposefully so can be used again.  Our son will be 3 when baby is born so he is grown out of all baby stuff (infant car seat, crib, diapers, etc).  We cd so we can re-use all of those.  If it's a girl, I have friends who said I can borrow clothes and I buy all of our son's clothes second hand anyway so it doesn't break the bank if I have to buy some "girl" stuff.  Truly, we did with very little of the big ticket items this time and I expect we'll be fine with less this time around as well.  With that being said, if we find we do need something, especially a "bigger" item, I am sure either set of grandparents would be glad to purchase it for us.  The one thing I am considering is a nice swing so baby can be put down contentedly in the first few months, as we'll have a 3 year old to care for this time as well.   

 

One of my friends had a "sprinkle" on which the invitation explicitly stated "presents not needed" or something along those lines but I think everyone brought at least something small anyway.  It was also a girls day which was at her house but her sister organized it.  We had lunch, cake, and someone came to do everyone's nails.  Fun and low key.  

post #10 of 16

I don't know if it is a thing everywhere, but I have attended "Baby Sprinkles" which are meant to celebrate the birth of a second child without the extent of gifts a "shower" tends to bring on.  That is something to consider, if a friend or family member wants to have a small gathering where people can bring small gifts-  this was on an invitation for a sprinkle:

 

"Diapers, bibs and bottles galore

____ and _____ are having one more

Big sister/brother _____ has plenty to share

This is a "sprinkle" to show them we care

A sweet baby (gender) is on the way

Let's celebrate before the big day"

 

This, to me, is a tasteful way of throwing a party for a second child.  I always think about how much celebration there was for our first, and that section in the baby book with pictures and cards.  I would hate to have a blank page for my second child, especially because it already feels like people care significantly less this time around.  (I am a second child, so I want this baby to know in the future how excited we were to welcome her or him into our family.)  To me, it is not about the presents but about celebrating the baby, however, at the last one I attended, they used disposable diapers and it was something just about everyone brought in bulk, helpful for that family financially.

post #11 of 16

Haha, we were writing our posts at the same time!

post #12 of 16

I LOVE the idea of a Baby "Sprinkle".  So fun!

post #13 of 16
I've never heard of a baby sprinkle. I love that!!
post #14 of 16

so is it less uncouth to have a shower if your kids are more than 11 years apart & you gave away all your baby clothes/toys/diapers/gear etc.

post #15 of 16
Amanda- I think an 11 year age gap calls for a full blown shower.
post #16 of 16
Thread Starter 
Me too! I love this baby sprinkles idea OMG! I want to celebrate this 2nd baby just the same as my first. I would also hate to have an empty space for that section in a baby book.

I am hoping someone will ask to throw me one if we are having a boy especially. I love these ideas! So cute.
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