Originally Posted by thispathisme
I've been sitting on all of your words for a couple of days. As time goes on - even 30 minutes - and as the situation diffuses, I feel like I'M the one who is making drastic decisions and almost over reacting. I KNOW that is not the case, but that's how I feel.
That's all part of the crazymaking that abuse causes. Depending on how long you were together, he may have tried to minimize and deny your concerns and needs. It's a journey to trust yourself and your own instincts again. I echo the no contact advice....it's no contact that helps to clear the mind.
Throwing things in your direction, especially in the presence of the children is abuse. And behaving abusively towards a child's mother, in the presence of his kids, is considered a form of child abuse. I don't know your local laws and culture of law enforcement around DV issues to know whether it is worth making a police report and getting a restraining order; however I would strongly consider going to the police and asking for one. Yes, it could escalate things; however when you look back you will be glad you had the courage to take that step. If abuse comes up in custody issues, then you might be asked why you did not ask for a restraining order at the time and you may be questioned on why you continued to allow him in your home and potentially expose the children to violence. It could affect your credibility. I know it's never that simple and I know how hard it is to try to set boundaries after they have already been crossed. But now is the time to clearly define your boundaries and stick with enforcing them, even if you have that niggling feeling that it's overreacting. It's not. And from a court perspective, your boundaries have more credibility when you enforced them (ie. after getting a restraining order, you made certain to do exchanges in public places, etc.). Speaking from experience, the longer the wait to act (e.g restraining order or other forms of boundary setting) the harder it can become to do so.
Sorry I just saw your post now. Just wanted to try to offer some gentle encouragement that it's okay to go after what you know and feel to be right. How are you doing?