I've posted this on an LGBT forum asking for opinions, but I'd like the opinions of some parents as well before I send it off (assuming I actually gather the courage to do so), so please be as critical as possible. I hope the length isn't too off-putting. Thanks in advance to those who do reply.
Please read this letter all the way through. I imagine that you may have questions for me or want to talk to me, but please wait until you’ve read the whole thing. Also, the contents of this letter are meant only for you. Please don’t share this with anyone else, and if you aren’t alone, please go someplace secluded before reading on.
I have something to tell you, but first I need you to understand that this is hard for me. I’m not really sure what I’m so afraid of, but I am very nervous to tell you this, which is why you're receiving this letter instead of hearing it straight from me. (Sorry about that, by the way. I wish I could tell you in person, but this is the only way I can get it out.) You may already suspect, or this may come as a big shock, but I am gay.
I hope that didn’t shatter your world too much. I want you to know that this changes nothing about who I am as a person. I am still and always will be your daughter, who loves you. For the longest time I have planned on never telling anyone and just ignoring this my entire life, but I’m realising that I don’t want to live the rest of my life lying to everyone around me. I really hope you don’t hate me or see me any differently, because nothing about me has changed.
I can not pinpoint a single moment when I all of a sudden realised I was gay. It's kind of always been in the background, and I've slowly become more aware of it until I just couldn't ignore it any longer. I first noticed the lack of attraction to guys long before I realised I was attracted to girls. When my female friends started to become interested in boys, I instantly knew that we were seeing things very differently. I just didn’t get it. Eventually, however, I started noticing girls more (in the same way my female friends would notice guys they found attractive). My eyes were just naturally drawn to pretty girls. I would try to imagine having a romantic relationship, and I could only ever imagine myself with a woman, never a man (and believe me, I tried). Despite the obvious signs, I still kept denying that what I felt for other girls went beyond friendship.
At first I would make up crushes (Remember that crush I had on (random guy)? Yeah, I made that up.), so that I wouldn’t have to feel so awkward and alienated during these conversations my friends would have about boys. Later on, in high school, when people asked me about my orientation, I’d admit that I wasn’t attracted to guys. However, I wasn’t able to admit that I liked girls, so I've also told all my friends that I’m asexual so they would stop asking. In case you don’t know what that means, asexuals are attracted to neither girls nor boys; they lack sexual attraction, which is what I tried to claim. I wish I hadn't done that, because it’s making it much harder for me to come out to them now, having lied about it for years. You are the first person I’ve been able to tell. Not a single soul knows, except for me and you, and I really need you to keep it that way. I’m just not ready for that right now, and I’d like to be able to tell people on my own terms, when I feel comfortable.
I’ve kept this to myself for such a long time that it is hard to imagine anyone knowing. I’m deciding to tell you now because this has become a huge source of stress in my life, and I’m hoping that putting it out in the open will relieve some of that stress. Also it would be nice to not have to censor myself all the time.
I feel somewhat silly for being so afraid of coming out too. You haven’t given me any reason to be afraid of your reaction. You constantly remind me how much you love me. I could not ask for a better, more loving mother. I’m actually fairly certain that all of my family and friends would accept me, but the thought I can't stand is that you would see me differently because of this.
I realise that this is probably pretty overwhelming for you, so I will end here and let you think it over. I just want you to know this is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. And that I will love you, forever, no matter what. Please don’t be upset or blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. And, please don’t think less of me.
I love you.