Both my husband and I work full time. I was able to work 3 days per week from home until a few months ago, I am now full time in the office. Our children- ages 6 and 3 attend a Waldorf school, and our son will be starting first grade there in the fall. We have a nanny who started with us in October. We are extremely happy with her. Part of the deal was that we allow her to bring her 5 year old daughter with her to work. This has worked out just fine.
She and her husband are interested in adopting...they are looking for a child between the ages of 2 and 4. She has been very up front since our first interview about her desire to add another child to their family- they have been trying to get pregnant with a second for years now but it hasn't happened. At the time (when we first met) I honestly didn't focus much on the second child- she really wanted the job- we really liked her, and there wasn't anything imminent (they weren't pregnant, hadn't pursued adoption, nothing was definite etc.)
Here is my dilemma, now that they have made a definite decision to adopt, the more I think about it, the more I just don't feel great about having her bring 2 children to work with her. Especially since my kids will be in school for longer hours next year, I really want them to have "down" time at home. Playing with 2 other children is not down time (I see it already with her 1 in the mix- they get along really well but it is a bit like a play date every day!). Also, one of the reasons we pay to have a nanny is so that during summers/school breaks etc. she can bring them to activities, the pool etc. The more children that are involved the more difficult this will be. Also, a 2-4 year old moving in with a new family is going to require an enormous amount of her time and emotional energy.
Like I said, we really love her and I am so happy for her on a personal level that they are deciding to pursue this next path, but I'm not sure if I want to keep her as our nanny. I'm incredibly distraught and have been up at night regularly about this. I know adoption can take a long time - they are only at the beginning of the process- but I think that if I'm going to tell her it is a "dealbreaker" for us then to be fair to her I need to do that soon.
Thanks in advance for your thoughts and advice,