Ok, so I have struggled with depression off and on and have been on SSRIs about 4 times in my life now for about a year at a time. I always wean off because I get the flat affect and I want to feel again. Any way. I weaned off last summer. Even though I tapered I still got those horrible brain zaps for a couple months. I started exercising daily, and I felt really good except for my period troubles.
I started BCP and I am on my 5th pack. At first I thought it was awesome. I dont even get a period on BCP, and before that my periods were getting so bad. Soaking a super plus tampon in 2-3 hours with severe cramps, and it would last about 7-8 days. A few days before my period I would get debilitating depression, and I would be super sensitive and cry about everything. When I first started BCP I would feel a little sad on the placebo week, but not as bad as the PMS I was having. Over the last few months, I have been getting very moody, angry, and sad. It cycles through out the day now. I feel OK, then I despair, then I feel ok, then I almost feel suicidal, like there is no point, and it goes on. I randomly sob. I have thought about going off the pill, but the bleeding and cramps are terrible. I have thought of going back on SSRIs but it seems stupid to do so, just to take the BCP. As of now, I have this constant background anxiety/sadness. Its hard to smile, and I am faking most of the time. And now the emotional issues are starting to affect my marriage.
I just wish I could be ok.