Hello Queer parents(and to be's)!
We're a couple in Berlin, Germany looking to conceive our first child. We're also a bi-national couple, and bi-racial couple. I'm African American and my partner is white Swedish. My partner is going to be the gestational parent first because she's a bit older and really wants to carry. It's been really important for us to have a black donor and we thought we found the perfect guy. He grew up in the same city I grew up in. He's an artist, Queer and really sweet. At our second meeting a few days ago it became clear that he wanted to be the daddy, and wanted to play a bigger role in parenting than I felt comfortable with. He also said something really weird along the lines like "if you have twins then I definitely want custody of one of them", and "How do you feel about the kids sharing my last name". Needless to say it was a bit stressful, as we both really like him but dont want to share :/ so much. In Germany he would also have to give up his parental rights after the child is born so I could adopt the baby, and then apply for a US passport for the child. I didn't feel like I could really trust him. DP and I are going to call it off with him, and we're looking into a more affordable feministy fertility clinic in Denmark. The clinic is called storkklinik and was started by lesbians. I just emailed them to see if one of the sperm banks they use has a Black sperm donor available. I know the answer to this question cause I already searched the two affiliate banks databases. There are basically 2 guys we could potentially chose from, and the one who has ID release is sold out. We are talking about the possibility of using an anonymous donor sperm now. Have any of you used an anonymous donor through a bank? I worry about future resentment, and I am also too threatened/shooken up by the KD route. I really like the idea an ID release donor, but if one isn't available. What have you all done?