Originally Posted by bexsd
Have you checked out any moms groups (or other interests!) on meetup.com or other sites?
there are no meetups where i live, the next one would be an hour of a drive away. while i *could* drive down every once in a while, it wouldn't be something for a regular friendship where you see the people on a casual basis, which i would love.
i also checked out the tribal area here but maybe i should check it out again.
Originally Posted by coati456
We're kind of introverted, so making friends is slow going.
same with us. we also don't really feel like we have any TIME to make new friends, because of all the changes.. we just moved here half a year ago, both started new jobs, now we have to move again and so i often feel like my entire life is taken up by somewhat life-changing events that never leave any time to grow roots in a place and meet people.
i am also someone who has always had her best friends be pen pals, so i'm used to the idea of people being far away. but right now i'm feeling lonely, my body is changing and i'm full of hormones and i would just love to share this time with someone i feel close to (other than my fiancé).
Originally Posted by SuzieSmiles
We've travelled a lot over the past 5-6 years and haven't been the best at keeping in touch with people so don't really have a lot of support friend-wise either.
i moved about 30 times in my life, so i know how hard it is to stay in touch with people. being an introvert, i always felt like it helped me grow my circle of friends knowing people here and there, but i've come to see when it comes to life-changing events, stuff you really want your loved ones to be there for - such as a pregnancy / birth, or a wedding - , most of these people won't show up.
Originally Posted by aidenn
I actually sort of loathe the concept of the village, because it makes it sound like you need a large tight social circle to make it work. In reality, you need the love and support of your DH (even when the goings at work/breastfeeding/child illness/etc get tough!) and a few social outlets. For me, it is my monthly LLL meetings - I talk to women who are rarely judgy and who know what it's like to go through breastfeeding ups and downs. They're my village. I don't hang out with them except for my monthly meeting, and I wouldn't call them at 2 am if my car broke down, but it's enough to talk to them and commiserate.
I may seem aloof and snobby to a lot of people I know because I hate big get togethers and I can probably tell you everyone on my phone contacts from memory because there are so few, but the few outlets I have are a good enough village for my family. :)
i love this. maybe you're right and it's just a stupid concept? when people started saying this to me i felt immediately like the loneliest person on earth. we're simultaneously planning our wedding and whenever we talk to a vendor, i just get sick to my stomach. they always assume we're gonna have a big wedding and when they hear all my family and friends are in Europe, they imagine them getting on a plane and spending thousands of Euros on hotel and dresses just to be there at my special event. the reality there, too, is that i have a hard time coming up with anyone on my side of the guest list, so i end up depressed every time i deal with wedding planning. i guess both events and the clichés around them make you feel like you're just a total weirdo if you don't happen to have a supportive family or circle of friends.. well, with the baby it's really scary to me since even the midwife (who would have no commercial interest in me having a lot of people here for support) said: "oh, believe me, you NEED that third pair of hands when the baby gets here! i would NOT want you to go through this alone!" and all this scary shit.
Originally Posted by thefreckledmama
vc- Have you thought about or looked into hiring a postpartum doula? I know it's not anywhere near the same as having friends or family around to help and support you, but it might be a good option for a little help given your circumstances with family. You could also try reaching out to make friends through local parenting groups, or even your tribal area on MDC. Even if it's just casual acquaintances you make, having people to go out and meet up with after baby is here will be highly beneficial, especially if it's other experienced parents that you can ask questions and lend an ear that relates.
i have not thought about this. sounds like an idea worth looking into, thanks!
this couple we're friends with who had their first son last year - they didn't seem to have many friends in the same boat while they were pregnant, but now that the baby is there it looks to me like they're always meeting people who also have babies. i'm not sure when they met all these people, but maybe you can grow that damn village as your kid grows.. and don't HAVE to have it perfectly in place before it even gets here.. just a thought.
thanks everyone for your suggestions! and i love hearing more about your own situation. i love this forum, and it's so good to read other people may be asking themselves similar questions.