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irrational ex - Page 2

post #21 of 29
Thread Starter 

I went to the police and also spoke with my lawyer. The police say it's not time to make a report, as there is no actual proof, I would need to record the call next time. They were understanding and helpful. And although it wasn't written down, I have BEEN to the station and they know my story. I was actually so worried he was going to come to my house this morning and pound my door down that I made sure my neighbour was home in case anything happened.

His parents don't think he should stop me from talking to them, BUT at the same time they don't want to upset their son, so until he calms down from this rage they are keeping their distance.

In the meantime I really think it's time for me to head out of this village and look for a friendlier place for me and my kids to live in.

post #22 of 29

How are you doing, anon_abroad?

post #23 of 29
Thread Starter 

I'll let you know tomorrow. I've received a notice for a lawyer's letter from ex and am picking it up tomorrow from post office! Heaven only knows what he wants: I will be damned if it's money...if its no contact, well, that's already been done.

As I write this I feel a bit nervous about the reality of whatever is waiting for me in terms of a legal battle, uhg......but I also feel that I won't let myself be bullied by someone who is no longer a part of my or my children's lives and who has started another family. What could he possibly want? It's beyond me.

post #24 of 29

hug2.gif Waiting is so hard.  Don't feel obliged to share if you're too busy or uncomfortable.  Just wanted to check in.

post #25 of 29
xo Thinking of you.
post #26 of 29
Thread Starter 

The lawyer's letter says he wants to stop paying child support, which he already stopped doing 3 months ago, and it was a very small sum anyway.... so he just wants to make it official. There's also something about a piece of land we own together. Oh man, so here starts the 'battle'. I don't want to fight over the measly crumbs he was due to pay for the kids, but I do want to stand up to this man who is simply copping out of every single responsibility he has towards these kids, and although the easiest thing to do would be say 'fine, just f**** off' I'm not going to do that. He stopped seeing the kids 6 weeks ago and stopped paying any child support 3 months ago, his family (the grandparents) have taken no interest (my side of the family lives on a different continent), and we're only separated since September! This was just the beginning!

Pray for me that I will be able to stand up for myself, and the kids, with solid facts and agruments, and that I will not feel scared by him and just let him have his way just for the sake of avoiding confrontation and legal fees.

post #27 of 29

I am so glad you got away from him. I sure wish you had family nearby to help and to support you. I don't have anything in way of advice, but I just wanted to write before heading to bed to say that I'm thinking of you and sending you strength.

 

We have been separated for about the same length of time and I couldn't imagine dealing with all that you're dealing with - and my X is pretty awful. There simply doesn't seem to be any decency at all in your X. Good for you for leaving. Seriously!

 

xo

post #28 of 29
Thread Starter 

So here I am 3 months after my original post, and my ex maintains his position of 1) not seeing the kids (except for brief, sporadic phone calls and two visits, and bumping into him in town once!), and 2) not paying child support (for a total of 5 going on 6 months). As I still don't know what actually triggered this shut-down on his behalf, because two episodes occurred on the same day: i.e. he told my (our) kids he was expecting a new baby and they reacted badly, and that I had been on a date with a man, which somehow infuriated him. Though neither justify cutting kids and child support, right? (might I add the child support is very low, very feasible)

Anyway, the lawyer says I have 2 options, and what it boils down to is what I choose to truly be the issue here: making him be a parent, or asking for child support.

Either I attempt to take him to court to pay the last five months of child support, or I actually report him for failing to perform his fatherly duties (which is penal!!! not civil!), which leads to either a large fine or jail time (although jail time is rare, it will most likely be a large fine).

Third option: take the high road and let him be THAT GUY that lost touch with his kids.....a douche bag.

Or is it really the high road? Am I just being a doormat?

I'm used to not having any money, I don't really consider child support an issue. Should I pursue it? Is that materialistic?

As he is very irrational and vindictive, what can I expect as a reaction to either option? Is it worth his wrath? That would help me decide how to proceed.

Hugs!

post #29 of 29

I've never been in this situation, but I have been with a controlling man before. He seems like he will do anything to make you miserable...and I wouldn't put it past him to hurt you or your children or try to take them out of the country.

 

If you let him get away with not paying support, it's still not over. He will still be around. He will come looking for you and your daughters one day, especially when his crazy new girlfriend leaves him. (By the way, crazy new girlfriend will be in your situation in a couple of years....just watch).

 

Since he has no money, pursuing the child support won't get you anywhere, except it will make him and his crazy new girlfriend even more angry. Can you invite them to a mediation and explain that it will be tedious for both of you to go through the courts to demand child support and that he could possibly end up in jail...and perhaps he can just agree to supervised visits and you will drop the whole thing? At least both attorneys will be there and everything will be documented so if something bad goes down, you have some records.

 

Make sure you record phone calls from now on too, if you are allowed to record without his knowledge. Keep the letter from the ex, and the names of the police you spoke to, etc. 

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