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Has one of your kids ever been obsessed with another kid?

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
My younger daughter (4) is obsessed with a friend. I don't think I'm exaggerating with my use of the word "obsessed.". She talks about her (I'll call her Jane) all the time, over and over and over again throughout the day. Jane speaks a language other than English at home, and so my daughter asks what words are in that language all the time and wants to learn that language. She says she doesn't want to play wtih anyone but Jane. When other kids want to play she says no, and then tells me it's becuase she only plays with Jane. She wants to eat foods Jane has said she likes and won't eat foods she's learned Jane doesn't like. She likes a Disney princess Jane likes despite never seeing the movie or knowing much about this princess. Those are just some examples. It's Jane Jane Jane all day every day.

Do I just wait for her to outgrow this? Is there a way to encourage her to play with other children too? Is this common for this age group, or is this unusual? I remember my older daughter when she was this age talking about a little boy she knew a lot, but not to this extreme by a long shot.

I'm a bit worried she's going to freak Jane out and Jane will not want to play with her anymore. My daughter would be truly crushed.
post #2 of 5

that is really complicated. How does she know this other girl?

post #3 of 5
Thread Starter 
Jane lives in our neighborhood, although not next door or anything, and they go to the same preschool. So when we have a group of neighbor kids that age playing, and when she's at preschool, they are together.
post #4 of 5

I see. I would give it a little more time and see if it fades. Hopefully its a fast furious thing and burns out soon. I remember having one best friend really young and not really caring to have anymore. I also remeber pretending to have imaginary friends like her and like all of the things she liked. But it did eventually die down.

post #5 of 5

My dd1 has always had a tendency to latch onto one friend, who then becomes truly important.  She's only recently (past 2 years, maybe?) become less intense about this (she's now 6, and when 3 & 4 this was much more an issue).


At preschool, they'd have times they'd encourage her and her friend to do different activities and separate them.  While this was (mildly) devastating to my dd, It made a lot of sense - they were gentle about it - and it probably ended up helping the most in the long run since it's mainly been friends at school whom we didn't see a ton otherwise (except occasionally).  


I'd often talk about solo-activities I knew my dd liked at school, or other friends at school she'd enjoyed doing things with in the past in an effort to make it less fearful/devastating to sometimes do things with other friends or end up being separated from her one important friend.  And because in her focus on this friend, she'd often forget about things she truly enjoyed that this person didn't.  That was never something I liked - stuff like liking this or that princess (who we had no personal experience with) BUT I tried my best to ignore that and it would eventually blow over and she'd like what she liked for her own reasons eventually.


In my dd's case, it always felt very personality-driven.  I think she'll always have a tendency to have a super-special friend she's focused on a lot.    

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