It's been quite a while since I've posted here, and with all the reformatting of this site, I'm not sure this is even the appropriate category.
I left the ex in August after I discovered he was cheating on me... again.
Since then I've been on a roller coaster of emotions, some days soaring high, and other days I feel like I'm at the bottom of the deepest, darkest pit, and I can't get out.
I'm so lonely and so resentful towards him for his actions. We had been trying to get pregnant with #2 at the time I discovered he was cheating. In the emails to the other woman, he asked if they could have sex without a condom - clearly no regard for mine (or our possible baby's) health and safety.
He is a despicable, disgusting man, and I am so glad that I left him.
There is no point to this post other than to re-connect with the wonderful people on here. I feel so alone. Being a single parent is so hard. Some days I just want to crawl into a hole and hide there forever. Other days I want to run around shouting because I'm excited for life and for the promise of the future.
Today I feel like hiding.
Walking through the halls at work today, and there was a woman with a newborn, and it just reminded me of everything I thought I would have by now, and how resentful I am towards him for depriving me - and our family - of our future together.
I don't know how to trust again - I don't know how to begin thinking of trusting again.
I don't know how to ever fall in love again, and at times I doubt that anyone will ever love me, and that I will ever find someone that I can love. I feel like at this point in my life, I don't want to start over and go through all that "baby stuff" again. I don't want to devote another 18 years of my life to another child. I would have done it with him, but now I just feel so broken, and like I've lost the opportunity to ever go back to that place.
How do you all do this? How do you go on, day by day? How do you find hope?
Thanks for listening.