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URGENT - CPS

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 

Hi everyone,

 

I have posted on this board a few times, but mostly I lurk. Now I desperately need some feedback ASAP.

 

My partner's relationship with his ex-wife is very contentious. He has had to fight tooth and nail for every hour of parenting time he's ever had with their son. The schedule now is close to 50-50, with mom having slightly more time. It took A LOT to get to this point of nearly equal time. Mom is extremely manipulative and will stop at nothing to "win," and we have always said that it's only a matter of time before allegations were made.

 

Last week at a counseling session, SS said that dad squeezed his leg and left a bruise. That absolutely did not happen. Dad will occasionally squeeze SS's shoulder or leg to get his attention or get him to stop doing something, but has NEVER left a mark, let alone a bruise. However, the counselor was required to contact CPS. We took SS to his pediatrician as soon as we found out, and the doctor concluded that the bruise was new (which means he wasn't even with us when he got the bruise, based on the parenting schedule) and was not consistent with a fingerprint-type bruise. CPS went to mom's house last night, and SS reiterated his story, and then to add insult to injury, told them that dad spanks him as well (absolutely not true).

 

Where does a 5-year old get the idea to tell a counselor that dad left a bruise on his leg when it's NOT TRUE? Where does a 5-year old get the idea to tell CPS that dad spanks him when it's NOT TRUE? I have my suspicions, of course, but SS is extremely loyal to mom would never admit it if she "helped" him come up with these ideas.

 

Now CPS is coming to our house tomorrow afternoon, and will be interviewing my SS and my 5-year old daughter. I am freaking out, to say the least. How the hell did I end up in this mess?

 

We are not perfect parents, but we do our best and are NOT abusive in any way. We've attended Love & Logic classes, we are involved at our kids' school, we sit down and eat meals together, we read books on positive parenting, we do enriching things together as a family, and we have sought counseling our kids when they've needed it (both have been through a lot).

 

Can anyone offer any advice on what to expect and how to prepare for a visit from CPS?

 

Thanks in advance...

post #2 of 6

I have no good ideas to help you, but wish you the best of luck.

post #3 of 6
Quote:
Originally Posted by LLSR View Post

Where does a 5-year old get the idea to tell a counselor that dad left a bruise on his leg when it's NOT TRUE? Where does a 5-year old get the idea to tell CPS that dad spanks him when it's NOT TRUE? I have my suspicions, of course, but SS is extremely loyal to mom would never admit it if she "helped" him come up with these ideas.

 

 

I think you know where a 5 year old would get that idea.  greensad.gif

 

Just be honest with CPS but don't offer any information they don't ask for.  Do mention the history between your stepson's Mother and you guys, so it's on record that she's done everything to keep the child from his father.  A note from the pediatrition stating that the bruise was not from abuse will help as well.  I'm sure other Mamas will have more helpful ideas.

 

Good luck.  I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

http://www.protectingyourfuture.info/protecting-your-family-when-cps-comes-knocking

post #4 of 6
I've dealt with CPS twice before. I just tell the truth about how the false accusations are completely untrue and explain the motives of why people are falsely accusing me. They gave me a letter saying the accusations are unfounded. What I would do in your case is tell CPS that no matter what your daughter is number one and you are ready to leave your man should CPS threaten to take your daughter away because of him. Hopefully it won't come to that but just be prepared with knowing who your priority is.
post #5 of 6

"Dad will occasionally squeeze SS's shoulder or leg to get his attention or get him to stop doing something,"

 

If he is doing that, and it hurt, maybe SS went home and told Mom about it and this is her way of trying to protect him.

post #6 of 6

I realize that CPS can be awful to deal with, but in general, and IME, they are typically well trained and well versed in their job and are used to false or enhanced allegations when it comes to custody issues. It's scary, but they typically sort things out. In your case, provide the doctors contact info so that they can follow up, stick to the facts, ONLY give out necessary information, and when you voice your concerns about why his son said this, don't go overboard. Don't launch into a huge back story or tirade. Keep it simple and stay calm "there was a bitter custody battle, ex is not fond of us, we are concerned that there are now these false allegations. We don't spank or physically discipline our children".

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