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I'm afraid I'll fail my daughter

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 

Hello,

 

This is my first post here, & I've been thinking about this for months, so forgive me if my thoughts are a bit scattered.

 

Dh and I have 3 children (I'm pregnant with #4...unexpected!)  Our older 2 are 16 & 13, & attend public school.  Dh and I both went to the same schools our kids are at, and, with the exception of the past 2 years or so, they were some of the best public schools in the state.  Well there have been some changes, and our schools are going downhill.  Our son has 2 years left and we think he'll be ok, but dd1 still has 5 years, and I really question whether or not I'm going to leave her in.  Not to mention dd2 is only 3 years old...we've both agreed there is no way in hell we're enrolling her in public school with a bunch of heathens.  Sorry but so many people here just flat our refuse to parent their kids...kindergartners cursing out teachers, getting suspended/expelled, bringing weapons to school.  It is truly sickening and riduculous and i refuse to expose my baby to that crap.  

 

For the past 2 years or so, dh and I have agreed that we (I mainly) will homeschool dd2.  Now keep in mind, this was before I popped up pregnant with this baby (I'm about 4 months along now).  Now I just can't shake this feeling that I'm going to fail our daughter...that there is no way I'll be able to school her effectively with a baby attached to me.  We cannot afford private school. I guess I just have zero confidence in my ability to do this.  I've searched and searched for the past year online about homeschooling, different curricula, read homeschooling moms informational blogs, tried to find homeschooling groups in my area, etc.  It just all seems SO overwhelming.  I also feel like my family & DH don't think I can do it either.  No one has ever said anything to that effect...although my MIL is a public school teacher & I know her and FIL probably talk shit behind my back IRT my ability to HS.  But they're not really my concern.   

 

I'm sorry for rambling, I just don't have anyone IRL to talk to this about.  Have any of you homeschooling moms felt like this before?  How did you get over it, or build your confidence in educating your children?  Thank you for reading.  

post #2 of 10
Thread Starter 

I also want to add that I've suffered from depression off and on since I was a teenager.  When I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant at the end of Feb, it really threw me for a loop.  The medications I was on weren't safe during pregnancy, so I had to stop them abruptly (an antidepressant & medication for a chronic pain condition).  

 

Even though my OB started me on a safer antidepressant, I'm still having trouble pulling myself out of the "hole".  In the back of my mind I know this is part of the reason I'm so unsure of myself, and why I think dh doesn't have any confidence in my ability to HS even though he hasn't said anything to me.  He knows I've been suffering, between the depression and having almost constant morning sickness.  He's really been a saint the past 2 months, picking up my slack while going to school full time. 

 

Sorry if that sounded crazy, but I wanted to add it since I think it's relevant to the situation.  Thanks again for reading. 

post #3 of 10

First off- Relax :)  

2. your DD2 is only 3!  You have plenty of time to get things figured out.  Plenty of time!  I don't know your laws- but in Iowa a child doesn't need anything until they are 6 by Sept. 15.  So you really do have plenty of time :)  

3. by the time your DD2 is 6ish your new baby will be about 2 right?  So a handful no doubt but not needing to BF all the time either.  We do school when my 2 yo is napping in the afternoon- it works very well for us.

4. I would go with whatever your mama instinct is telling you for your 13 yo.  You can do the little one or both.  YOU CAN DO THIS!  

post #4 of 10

For at least the first couple of years of homeschooling you won't need to spend much time at all actively working with your DD.  An hour a day, maybe less, should be enough to teach her everything she would be learning at school.  (And it doesn't have to be an hour all at once, at the same time every day.  It doesn't even have to happen every day.)  Even with a toddler to take care of, I bet you can manage to find the time.  Your depression might make homeschooling too hard, but I don't think the new baby will.

post #5 of 10
For depression :

Fresh air, sunshine, exercise (a walk around the block gives you all three at once)
Positive affirmations (avoid "not" and "try") "I am able to teach my children well" and "I know what is best for my child"
Look in the mirror daily and say "I love you"
Positive visualizations
Do something you are good at and gives you pleasure. For me that's art, for my sister it's quilting. What's your mood booster?


For homeschooling :
Know the state law (you have a couple years to become familiar)
nhen.org has a state by state section -- check it out
Preschool is play and following your child's lead ; reading to your child; art projects for fine motor skills; music and songs; physical play. You can do it!
Kindergarten can be very informal, as well.
At first grade, you can choose a more formal school at home approach with curriculum, or a more unschooling approach which continues to follow the child's lead. You have a few years to gain confidence before you have to face that decision.

If you are worried about homeschooling with depression, I surveyed school teachers when I was making my decision to start homeschooling and found more than half had depression. Some were taking Prozac, while the rest either had tried it or were avoiding it and were using more natural remedies.

Another solution would be moving to a better school district, or is that not possible? Whatever you choose to do, know you can do it! And we're here to offer support when it's needed.
post #6 of 10

I am also expecting a baby in August, have depression and anxiety, and am homeschooling my DD1. But you can do it! You have plenty of time to figure it out, like the previous posters said preschool is all about following the child's lead and should be very informal. Lots of time to play, read books, do arts and crafts and get outside in nature. And for kindergarten I am finding it is also very simple. My 6 yo DD1 is VERY energetic and we can easily cover what they do at our local school in 15 minute spurts throughout the day. Even that is probably not a big deal for kindergarten, I still am trying to follow what she wants to learn more often than not (hard for me to do with my Type A personality!). We will probably take a very relaxed / eclectic approach for her schooling until she expresses a need for something more formal (which she may never do but that's ok). Kids want to learn and explore! And take it easy on yourself, there will be great homeschooling day and rotten ones. Don't worry about it, the same thing happens in school.

 

For depression and anxiety - Don't be afraid to talk to your doctor if your current medication isn't working. Give it some time for your body to adjust but if you are still struggling, there are a number of medications that are safe for pregnancy and breastfeeding (I take zoloft myself). I second getting outside and getting some sunshine and enjoying natural beauty, it always helps me. Exercise is essential too, even if it's just a brisk walk. Eat as well as you can afford, the more processed stuff I avoid the better I feel. I would definitely avoid artificial sweeteners as well. Also, do you have support? Is your DH supportive of your parenting? Do you have other friends and family that you can trust, talk to, and help?

post #7 of 10

Previous posters have given you a lot of good advice.  I wanted to add that it may help to look at your homeschooling commitment as something temporary.  I think it is scary to make a decision when we think it is forever.  Just tell yourself that you will look at your home school journey year by year and go from there.  If it is not working and you have to send her to school, she will be fine. This is how I approached it.  I decided to give it a go for one year.    

 

Also, I want to emphasize that, homeschooling is one of those things that looks very overwhelming before you start doing it.  Once you are there, you will be surprised by how simple it can be -- at least the K-3 years.  

 

When I started homeschooling officially, I printed the stuff KG/first graders are supposed know and looked over it.  That actually made me feel better.  As my journey continued, I went from wanting to home school in a structured way to very, relaxed unstructured approach.  This has worked out fantastically for us.  Both my kids are thriving.  

 

Also, RE: Homeschooling blogs -- remember that generally blogs highlight things of importance from people's lives.  It is easy to get the impression that those highlights show exactly how every single one of their days are.  That is not true.  If I were you, I will be more involved in forums where conversations happen with other homeschooling parents.  You will learn more this way.  Welcome to Mothering.  The Learning at home forum here has been indispensable for my journey :)

post #8 of 10
Taking it year by year is great advice! We reevaluated our decision every year, from second grade on. I was ok with homeschooling up to that point. From then on, I only agreed to homeschool for one year at a time.

And the point of eating well is another great point! Some nutritional deficiencies even cause depression. So it's important to eat well, whether or not the depression is caused by a nutritional imbalance. Good food can help, and it also feels good to take care of yourself. You *are* important.
post #9 of 10
Thread Starter 
I just wanna say thank y'all....you really have made me feel much better and like ive got this. smile.gif

I have the best most supportive DH. My mom is supportive for the most part.

And I've been making myself go outside & walk & get some fresh air. It does help a bit. I used to do daily affirmations on my drive to work in the mornings, I should start doing it again.

Thank you again for your support.
post #10 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by NurseMomX4 View Post

I just wanna say thank y'all....you really have made me feel much better and like ive got this. smile.gif

I have the best most supportive DH. My mom is supportive for the most part.

And I've been making myself go outside & walk & get some fresh air. It does help a bit. I used to do daily affirmations on my drive to work in the mornings, I should start doing it again.

Thank you again for your support.

 

You are welcome :)

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