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Mothering › Groups › December 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › finding out the sex?

finding out the sex?

post #1 of 46
Thread Starter 

Ok, so last time around, I was totally insistent upon *not* finding out the baby's sex. I just loved the idea of letting it be a surprise, of experiencing pregnancy and all its weird wonders without putting any preconcieved notions of personality or personhood based on knowing the sex, and etc. I also didn't want a frenzy of pink or blue things. Plus I just don't like the idea of ultrasounds...I know that they are supposedly safe, and its a great tool to have for many reasons (and we ended up having lots of them), but its sort of struck me as invasive somehow to go in just to satisfy our curiousity. Of course, grandparents were driven nutso, and everybody pressured us to find out the whole time, even my hubs, but I didn't relent, and in the end, even he admitted it was an amazing surprise. And really cool to be able to announce it at the birth. But his time, I'm just DYING to find out. I'm not sure that I will be able to resist the pressure of everyone again, and also, it doesn't seem quite as important to keep the mystery somehow, now that its not the first. So, what about all of you? I'd love to hear your reasons to/not to. 

post #2 of 46
With our first it wasn't even something we talked about, we did not want to know and I am so glad we didn't find out! After a very long and traumatic birth, hearing the words "It's a boy!" was the most amazing moment.

Second baby we found out, I wanted to be able to tell my son what was coming and prepare him for his little brother!

Third baby I wasn't going to find out but my mom kept calling my baby a girl and I just knew it was a boy...it frustrated me so much so at the ultrasound I asked the tech to show me baby's penis and of course there was a penis!

This time, even though I want to know...I am pretty sure we will be waiting! I think it'll be boy #4, my husband says girl, of course my mom says girl...it'll be fun to wait! There really isn't anything like that moment!
post #3 of 46
We always find out. I think it helps *me* bond with the baby better. I also feel like it helps me stay focused in labor. Instead of a baby in there, it's my daughter Meg or son John or whoever. Then again, I've never not found out, so maybe the surprise is really worth it!
post #4 of 46
We're going to find out too. I found out with my first two but not my third. The surprise wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be and it was over in minutes. I prefer the twenty weeks of bonding to the twenty minutes of surprise. Its still a surprise at twenty weeks.
post #5 of 46
We've gone both ways, and enjoyed both. Oddly enough we found out with all the boys, and were surprised with all the girls. The only one I regretted was last time. I only had an ultrasound because I felt like something was wrong, and I did not want to know the sex. DH was not with me (and he's the one who really enjoys finding out), and the tech just blurted out that it was a boy. greensad.gif

This time we're going to find out, and DH will not miss out! And hopefully we'll break pattern and have a girl. wink1.gif
post #6 of 46
I wanted to know with my first, DH convinced me to find out with my second, but this time I'm not planning on finding out! I would have loved to have pushed DD 2 out and been able to be the one to announce the sex...it just wasn't the same when my midwife said "it's a girl!" And I felt like saying "yeah, I know!"....bit of a letdown after an awesome birth smile.gif
post #7 of 46

I've gone both ways.  With #1 we lived far from family and they all REALLY wanted to know and my hubby wanted to find out so we did. Boy.  Then with #2 we kind of wanted to know because we wanted a girl and I thought I'd need time to adjust if it was a boy.  It was a girl.


With both of those I was so skeptical that the u/s was accurate.  I'm such a doubter.  LOL  Since we had one of each we didn't find out with #3.  I SO wanted that announcement "It's a ______!"  It was the thing I looked forward to the entire pregnancy.  The doctor forgot that we didn't know and didn't announce.  She put the baby on my tummy with a blanket around and started to delivery the placenta.  I lifted the blanket and tiredly mumbled "It's a boy." (It was late, I was so tired).  She looked up and said "I forgot you didn't know."  Let's just say it wasn't the joyful announcement that I was hoping for.  LOL


Then with #4 I didn't want to know again.  Still wanting that joyful announcement!  There were complications and I practically had an u/s every week from 20 weeks on. Still, I managed to avoid peeking each time.  Then I had to have a 3D u/s because the tech at one of those appointments couldn't see what she needed with the regular.  She gave me the coolest 3D pic of the baby's face.  Spittin' image of my second son.  I was pretty sure it was a boy.  Then I was at my midwife's for a non-stress test and SHE forgot I wasn't finding out and during the u/s she saw me looking the other way and said "Hey, look at your baby." and I turn to look - penis.  Right in my face.  Well, on the screen but big as day.  *sigh*  So, the doc who did my c-section DID make a joyful announcement because we still didn't *officially* know but it wasn't the same.  I knew.  I just hadn't told anybody I knew.


So now my older kids have been asking for a sister so long and this pregnancy was kind of unexpected and we have already given away all our baby clothes and things for both genders so I think we'll find out.  If they can't see at the usual 20 week u/s I won't have another just to find out but I do hope that we'll be able to find out. 

post #8 of 46

Man, I don't know what I'm going to do.  We didn't have any ultrasounds with the first four.  My last pregnancy we had 3 boys and a girl already, and I really wanted to know if I was having another boy.  My daughter was saying things like, "If it's another brother I'm running away."  So I thought, if it was a boy, we'd better work through that before he got here.  I also really wanted a girl and was worried I'd feel disappointed at the birth if it was a boy.  At my 3rd son's birth, I had just a teeny tiny moment of disappointment, which I quickly got over.  

I was raised by a single mom and I have one sister, so it was just the three of us ladies.  I wanted to have seven daughters!

So we found out last time at 20 weeks- we did the ultrasound to make sure everything looked good with the baby, because I was planning on birthing with only my husband and I get more and more nervous every time I have a baby that something will be wrong.  So he was perfect, and he was a boy!  My husband and I drove separately, so afterwards I got into my van and I just sobbed for a good while.  By the time I got home I was excited and he's just the most precious child, whom I adore endlessly.  I think it was a wise choice.

One of the things I loved about not finding out was picking a boy and a girl name.  I LOVE names, and last time knowing he was a boy I was robbed of 1/2 of my naming work!  

We have time to think on it yet...

post #9 of 46
I found out with my daughter, and it really helped me feel like I connected to her. I could give her a name and call her by it without feeling like I was 'pretending'. It was really good for us, but I totally understand how not finding out is a wonderful surprise.

I think I'd like to find out again. I like to have time to prepare myself for as much as possible.
post #10 of 46

With my DD we didn't find out. I wasn't going to have an u/s at all, and I really wanted it to be a surprise. This time I think we will find out. My BF and I really want a boy (and I'm already convinced it is one) and our girls will want a baby sister. I want to find out so we can all adjust.

post #11 of 46
Thread Starter 

well, since DH and I never agree about names, it would be nice to have one less list to fret over! I don't know, my instincts are not to find out. Funny aside, though- my mom, who is tres Catholic, recently told me "Well, I realized the Blessed Virgin knew before Jesus was born, that he was a boy, and even his name! So it MUST be ok!" hahaha! cute. 

post #12 of 46
We found out both times. It helps me to bond with the baby.
post #13 of 46

I can perfectly understand why you wouldn't want to find out. BUT I'm too curious. I just must know! I also like ultrasounds, here we usually only get one per trimester but am always looking so forward to it and I breath a sigh of relief afterwards. Now that I wrote this down, I'm thinking perhaps I need to let go a little bit?

post #14 of 46
Originally Posted by roisin32 View Post

well, since DH and I never agree about names, it would be nice to have one less list to fret over! I don't know, my instincts are not to find out. Funny aside, though- my mom, who is tres Catholic, recently told me "Well, I realized the Blessed Virgin knew before Jesus was born, that he was a boy, and even his name! So it MUST be ok!" hahaha! cute. 

LOL, that sounds like something my grandmother would say!
post #15 of 46

We'll be finding out.  I've got a pretty definite idea in my head that it's a girl, and if I'm wrong I want time to get used to the idea of a son. 


However, for *both* my husband and I, our parents found out via ultrasound, and for both of us it was wrong!  I hope ultrasound technology has improved since the mid-80s.

post #16 of 46

Oh no, that's funny brea!  I was at a birth where the mom was calling the baby "Ethan" through the whole labor as they'd found out it was a boy.  The baby came out and was a girl and the mama was in shock!  It was so weird.  The weirder thing is that it happened AGAIN with her next daughter.  Poor woman!  I guess it's more common now to mistake a girl for a boy than a boy for a girl.  

post #17 of 46
I have been thinking about this more and I wonder if I should find out the sex. I feel terribly guilty for wanting a girl. It's hit me pretty hard that if this baby is another boy, I won't ever have a daughter! I didn't think I would care before I was pregnant. I love being mama to all boys!

I can't decide what would be harder for me...hearing it's a boy at 20 weeks, or birth.

I feel guilty!
post #18 of 46

hug2.gifOwl, nothing to feel guilty about...my only question would be: would finding out at 20 weeks give you some time to process and accept another boy, so that that disappointment might be less at the birth?

post #19 of 46

I want another girl as well. I will find out at the sonogram. I'd rather know earlier and get used to it. *hugs*

post #20 of 46

We talked about it last night and my husband said, "That was pretty cool."  (It was our first ultrasound with any of the kids)  He was so silly, saying things like, "Look honey, it's kicking!  It's kicking again!  It's moving so much."  Um, duh, I can feel that.  It does that all the time.


We're going to see if we can take all our kids to see.  End of July!  Need to call and make the appt- I know they are hard to book.  


I'll have fun thinking about names for both genders until then!

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