I had a hard time finding a title to this thread.
Tonight my dd (13) has some friends sleeping over. They wanted to play a spooky game outside (we are on about 3 acres) and our house was best suited for it. This in itself doesn't bother me. So, anyways, around 10 I was going to bed. I told my dd that I wanted them in by 11, to lock up, and check in with me. I fell asleep quickly because dh was still up. When he came to bed, I woke and asked him if the girls were in yet. He said that they were just finishing up. Now, I can't fall back asleep because I am waiting for the "check in" but it never comes. I hear the girls come in and (I thought) go back out. Finally, at 1 AM I get up to go to the bathroom and figure out if I am missing something. DH gets up too because he realizes that I am upset. Apparently, he told the girls that they could continue to play. I don't think he expected them to never come in; the girls were quiet, I think that might have been his only condition. He didn't realize that I asked them to be in by 11. To be quite honest, I was crazy mad. I did, however, keep it in check. Now, I can't get back to sleep.
One, is this a big deal? Probably not (assuming they were just playing their game). I mostly feel disrespected. The family knows that my sleep quality is closely tied to knowing that my kids are safe. I am happy to report that I can sleep with them awake, but that took work.
Two, what if they did other stuff (toilet papered a house or something similar)? Is it a big deal then? This is where I start playing mind games with myself. I DID do those things when I was a teen. My friends and I would sneak out, TP a house and come back. I know that if I would have got caught that I would have been in trouble. I also somehow knew to do this at friends' houses vs my own. My mother was also a light sleeper and she never went to bed early. Part of me wants to say that everyone does this stuff at some point in life. Not necessarily TPing a house, but something. Part of me wants to let it go and the other part wants to ban sleepovers.
What is an appropriate response? I often feel that my oldest (in regards to sleepovers) knows how to walk the line of making me upset and keeping my husband happy. Usually dh and I balance each other out, different things bug us so we help keep the other person from over reacting. However, it feels that dd understands that too well and is working that angle.
Does anyone else have advice about this type of thing? How about with dealing with behavior that you did too as a teen?
I am hoping that by venting I will eventually get back to sleep. It is now near 3 AM and I can't relax or rest. I know this is an over reaction, but dang, I can't make my body sleep when I am irritated.