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My baby---my 16 year old is gone! Anyone else out there who came home to find their child dead... - Page 2

post #21 of 25
Thread Starter 

Today is Mother's Day  which is a time that most mothers are spending special bonding time with their children---whether small, young children or grown or somewhere in between.

 

I do send a heart full of love to all of you mamas out there.

  Today I am missing my Lukas so much!  Neither of my adult children are here & they won't be.  (no phone calls yet). My oldest called apologetically earlier this week to say that he wouldn't be able to make it after all because he had to work.  He had previously told me he was going to have breakfast with me.  My adult  daughter---no explanation or call at all. 

 

My first Mother's Day since becoming a mother in 1988 without any children.  This is harder than I thought.  But I do have a mantra that I am repeating more than ever at times:  "I am brave...I am strong'"  This mantra I first started saying to myself to help cope with and get through the horrific and grueling physical pain I went through after my last surgery on my arm (Dec 2011).  That was a long difficult recovery.  But I made it through.  Lukas was aware of that mantra and for Valentines Day 2012 he made a beautiful collage for me.  On the top of the poster board he had put:  "Mom---You are Brave...You are strong!"

I cherish that so much now.  He was and still is a beautiful soul and he is in my heart forever.

 

By the way I will not be completely alone today.  One of my ministers is on her way over right now and we will be sharing lunch together.

 

Again a very blessed Mother's Day to all of you.

post #22 of 25

Stucke,

I"m so sorry you had to spend mother's day alone. I am very glad that you are thinking of the happy memories that you had with your son. You are brave, you are strong! Sending my thoughts and prayers your way.
 

post #23 of 25

I am so very, very sorry for your loss.  

It's still so new, so raw....finding outlets, grief support groups IRL and online, where you can talk about Lukas, is a great idea.  I felt particularly moved to respond to your posts because 16 years ago, my first love, back in high school, committed suicide at age 16 and had the same name as your son, as well.  His parents also came home to find him dead and I have no idea how they managed to keep going on in life, and to keep being happily married.  They managed, and nowadays they have two grandchildren from their daughter, which are their light and joy in life.   I know that while they will never forget Luke (nor will I--I think of him all the time and will never forget the tragic loss that shaped the beginning of my adult life as it happened just 9 months before I left home and grief was a big part of my existence for a couple of years before it started to ease up) but holding on tight to one another, letting time take the most acute edge off the grief, as it does, and spending their retirement years doting on their little grandchildren has been the 'happy ending' after all these years.  The world will never be the same for a parent who loses a child, but it doesn't mean there can't one day be blessings that manage to make life feel worth living, at least at some point when the sharpness of the pain dulls a bit.  You lost your sweet son to suicide just a few months ago.  Give yourself plenty of time for this journey and be kind to yourself.  Reach out to others who are missing him as well, and remember him together, and reach out to others who are grieving the loss of a child, like you are doing here.

post #24 of 25
I'm so sorry for your loss...

Dont have children yet but i have people in my family who have lost infants and an aunt whose daughter commited suicide. She likes to talk about her daughter now and then and when she realizes people are about to change the subject she will ask them not to by saying that sharing her memories of their time together brings her relief. Most of the relatives believe that changing subject helps my aunt get distracted and sufer less but it goes the oposite way. She once told me that some people do change subject because they suffer themselves. I guess some people do try not to talk bout death, especially those who have not lost a child and feel like this is a forbidden subject. Hope you can find people who you can talk to, that helps a lot.

My experience with my aunt has shown me that such an experience is life changing and that the mother who goes trough that can be happy again, but it will be a diferent happinnes. In portuguese whe have the word "saudade"wich is used to express the feeling of missing someone. So i guess you'll always feel saudade and sadness at some level, and thats fine. PM me if you want to.
Edited by Marina Brasil - 1/9/14 at 1:49pm
post #25 of 25

I am so very sorry for your loss and for not getting to see any of your kids on Mother's Day :Hug

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