or Connect
Mothering › Groups › November 2011 Due Date Club › Discussions › May 2013 Chit Chat

May 2013 Chit Chat - Page 10

post #181 of 659

Kami... I'm so sorry you're going through this!  I hope the testing just shows some delays that can be helped with early intervention.  Please keep us updated!  Avery still doesn't say mama, what's up with that?

 

Amanda... that looks like fun!  What a neat way to spend Mother's Day!  Let us know how J's appointment goes!

 

LOL, Ash, do you have pics?

post #182 of 659

Kami, your turn for the spotlight!

post #183 of 659

Well, Jasper’s appointment went okay. He still has fluid in his ears, so we have an ENT referral and he will probably need tubes. In addition, he has a “speech developmental delay.” It’s more than just him not having any words. It’s also the receptive language. Though he knows a few things, they are limited. Like if you ask him to go in the other room and get his shoes, he’ll look at you like a deer in headlights. A lot of words are just not getting through to him. I don’t know… it’s a lot of things. But he majorly failed the communication part of his developmental assessment. So we have a speech therapy referral, as well. I’m a bit bummed… greensad.gif

 

Also, I think Ash said something about the importance of well-child visits upthread. Totally agree. You may have a kid with few words but who is fine. Or you may have a kid that needs some intervention. As I understand it, the earlier a child starts receiving services the better. 

post #184 of 659
Quote:
Originally Posted by TalkToMeNow View Post

Well, Jasper’s appointment went okay. He still has fluid in his ears, so we have an ENT referral and he will probably need tubes. In addition, he has a “speech developmental delay.” It’s more than just him not having any words. It’s also the receptive language. Though he knows a few things, they are limited. Like if you ask him to go in the other room and get his shoes, he’ll look at you like a deer in headlights. A lot of words are just not getting through to him. I don’t know… it’s a lot of things. But he majorly failed the communication part of his developmental assessment. So we have a speech therapy referral, as well. I’m a bit bummed… greensad.gif

 

Also, I think Ash said something about the importance of well-child visits upthread. Totally agree. You may have a kid with few words but who is fine. Or you may have a kid that needs some intervention. As I understand it, the earlier a child starts receiving services the better. 

 

 

Im sorry Amanda.  Your are right, early intervention does increase the chances of catching up early.  Your an awesome mom, and Jasper has a good team on his side. 

post #185 of 659
Quote:
Originally Posted by dashley111 View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by TalkToMeNow View Post

Well, Jasper’s appointment went okay. He still has fluid in his ears, so we have an ENT referral and he will probably need tubes. In addition, he has a “speech developmental delay.” It’s more than just him not having any words. It’s also the receptive language. Though he knows a few things, they are limited. Like if you ask him to go in the other room and get his shoes, he’ll look at you like a deer in headlights. A lot of words are just not getting through to him. I don’t know… it’s a lot of things. But he majorly failed the communication part of his developmental assessment. So we have a speech therapy referral, as well. I’m a bit bummed… greensad.gif


Also, I think Ash said something about the importance of well-child visits upthread. Totally agree. You may have a kid with few words but who is fine. Or you may have a kid that needs some intervention. As I understand it, the earlier a child starts receiving services the better. 


Im sorry Amanda.  Your are right, early intervention does increase the chances of catching up early.  Your an awesome mom, and Jasper has a good team on his side. 

^ Agree.

I had my appointment today. I'm measuring three weeks ahead right now. I measured ahead my entire last pregnancy, so it's fine. It's still a girl, haha. I don't think my doctor is as onboard with a VBAC as he originally came off to be. I'm going to have a serious sit down with him at my next appointment and will determine then if I am going to a new doctor or not. I really like him... But not as much as I want my VBAC. If for no other obvious reason, it'll be a lot cheaper. We paid like 7K out of pocket for Conner. I don't want to do that again.
post #186 of 659

Amanda, I'm sorry that was not the news you were hoping to hear!  But, yes, the earlier the intervention the better the results and maybe he can be caught up by the time school starts!  Another thing to consider, though, is sensory issues as opposed to something like autism.  You've mentioned quite a bit that you feel his fears of things are greater than other kids'.  This could be a sign of SPD, which could then cause speech delay as well.  I think the therapies might be different, so I just wanted to throw that out there.  You could have him seen by an OT that specializes in SPD to compare notes and cover all your bases.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by CDsMom1031 View Post

I had my appointment today. I'm measuring three weeks ahead right now. I measured ahead my entire last pregnancy, so it's fine. It's still a girl, haha. I don't think my doctor is as onboard with a VBAC as he originally came off to be. I'm going to have a serious sit down with him at my next appointment and will determine then if I am going to a new doctor or not. I really like him... But not as much as I want my VBAC. If for no other obvious reason, it'll be a lot cheaper. We paid like 7K out of pocket for Conner. I don't want to do that again.

Have you considered a midwife?

post #187 of 659
Nope. That's a whole ball game I have no clue about. I wouldn't even know where to start.
post #188 of 659

Amanda~ I'm sorry you didn't get the news you thought you would. But you are right about early intervention being better. Hugs

 

Jamiee~ Harlan didn't really say it til 15months  and then he has totally dropped saying it completely.

post #189 of 659
Amanda, did they say if the fluid build-up could have anything to do with it? If fluid has always been there, it makes sense that he would have a delay, because you know, not hearing well will do that. I'm really hoping for you that the tubes will help.

My Mother's Day weekend was amazing. I went across state with one of my BFFs for a bachelorette party. We partied like we were still in college Saturday night with a big group of fun women. I haven't been hit on in ages, but we went to a club to go dancing (I've never been to a club before!) and I got hit on so many times! Great self-esteem booster for me! Yesterday, we went shopping together and I got everything I need for our Jamaica trip next week. Oh and before the Bach party, we treated ourselves to a pedicure and a nice, leisurely lunch outside. It was really perfect and I wish I could live it over again. It got me so excited for our trip next week. I'm going with pretty much all the same people for a whole week! I got home last night in time to help DH clean up dinner and lay the girls down for bed. I missed them, but the break was well worth it! Now, I hurt all over from dancing the night away. I'm obviously too old for that anymore!

We close on our house tomorrow night, woo hoo!! And this is the last week of school. I have only planned fun days for the week. It's like a party all week in my classroom. They think it's for them, but little do they know it's really because Mrs. H. Has already mentally checked out for the school year, lol! Today was art day and we got really messy. Wednesday they get to bring in group games from home and we are going to play games together. Friday is our pajama/movie party.
post #190 of 659

*hugs* Amanda.

post #191 of 659
Quote:
Originally Posted by CDsMom1031 View Post

Nope. That's a whole ball game I have no clue about. I wouldn't even know where to start.


Well, if you're interested that is something this community can totally help you with!

post #192 of 659
Avalon's shark teeth... tell me that isn't just... uh.... Gives me the heebie jeebies.
8735736497_9b3bd8252f_z.jpg
post #193 of 659

Jamiee~ That is crazy about her teeth. What has a dentist said about them ?

post #194 of 659
Sorry for what I'm about to lay on you guys...

My DH had started getting really secretive with his phone the last few weeks. He put a password on it, kept it on him at all times, and would snatch it from me when I had it. So naturally I got crazy suspicious.
I got ahold of it today. There were texts on there from an old, old fling of his. Apparently they ran into each other at a bar a few weeks ago and had been hanging out at the bar and texting ever since. There was even a picture of the girl in her bra and panties on there...
And he had texts to a friend bragging about the picture and talking to the girl... And telling him to tell me the bar thing is a guy's night because he doesn't want me there since the other girl would be there.
I confronted him about it. He apologized, etc., etc., etc., blah, blah, blah. But I really don't know what to do. I have nowhere to go... He swears the worst thing that happened was the picture she sent.
But I'm crushed. Absolutely, 100% crushed. The texts he was sending was telling her how unhappy he was, and how he was stuck because of the kids... And of course, she was telling him to leave, etc. I don't know if he was just saying it for the girl's attention or if he means it. He said he doesn't mean it.
I'm really at a very deep, low place that no woman, especially pregnant, should have to be.
He has absolutely never done anything like this before. I have always trusted him 100000%. I just don't know what to do.
post #195 of 659

Holy crap, Nicole!  I'm SO sorry that this is happening!  OMG I want to hurt him on your behalf!  I can only partially imagine what you must be feeling right now.  A couple years ago after Austin was born, I started to suspect my dh of at least enjoying the company of someone else.  I, too, intercepted a text of a conversation that appeared way more intimate than just friends.  I, too, felt totally crushed and freaked out when I saw her posting on FB (which I saw via dh's open FB page) about staying on the same floor of the hotel he was staying at for a conference for work.  She was in his same field so they were both at the same conference, but I started to freak out that they were staying in the same room.  Anyway, it was awful and it forced us to seriously talk about the state of our relationship and how we were going to work to make it stronger.  It turned out there was nothing going on with this other girl and he drew some boundaries with her that he hadn't previously done (like the text messaging) and everything worked out fine.  But we had to work on some tough stuff to get there.  What I'm trying to say is that there may very well be nothing really going on with him and this girl, but the fact that he's enjoying her company and going too far with the texts is a symptom of things that need to be worked on in your relationship.  Maybe it's a really good thing you figured this out now before anything went way too far to repair.  Now you have the chance to get him to open up to you and for you two to connect in a new way- moving forward from here in a really genuine way.

 

I know it's really hard and it's totally not something that you should have to deal with while pregnant.  I hope you have some IRL support you can lean on right now and I really hope you guys can get counseling or at the very least talk this out.

 

I'm thinking about you and PLEASE let us know if we can help you in any way!

post #196 of 659

I am so sorry you are dealing with this, Nicole. Soooooo very sorry. Your h has demonstrated some very immature and questionable behaviors before this. In my book, what he did is cheating. No question about it. It's a total betrayal, and don't let him gaslight you into believing it isn't. This is serious, and it isn't going to change on it's own.

 

If you can muster up the strength and bitchiness, kick his ass out temporarily. I know how hard that may be, and I know it may be impossible. But he has family there; have him stay with them. In my mind, there is nothing wrong with telling his mother exactly why her son needs to come home for a while. If you can't do it, can you at least get him on the couch?? 

 

Next, get an appointment ASAP with a marriage counselor. Do you have health insurance? Do you have EAP benefits? Most jobs do. The EAP benefits will provide 7-8 free sessions. Completely free. Insist that he goes with you. That should not be an option if he wants this relationship to continue. If he refuses to go, go alone and get the wisdom the therapist can give you about the situation. 

 

You guys are young. I was there once. I got married at 21, my xh was 22, and then we had dd1 within 6 months. It's hard. If there are not some serious changes made, he will never change. Oh, and he has lost his right to privacy at this point. 

 

Let me tell you what happened to my ex... you can use it as a warning for your h. He lost his family. He lost the wife he loved, he lost seeing his kids everyday, he lost having a real home and family life. He lost money. He had to come up with a ton of money for a lawyer. And he pays a ridiculous amount of child support to me. Plus healthcare for the kids. Plus half of out of pocket expenses. And guess what? You can't deduct child support. So the payer is taxed on their entire income, even though they are giving 1/3+ of their pre-tax income away. Yep. Sucks, doesn't it? 

 

Also, did you take screen captures of the texts? If not, do it before they are gone. Are you sure it didn't go further than texts? I hate to say this, but meeting at the bar sounds like he had more plans than that. 

 

I'm sorry if this all sounds crazy. I have some experience, though. My first goal for anyone is to save the marriage. But you also have to make plans and be safe in case that isn't possible. Super hugs to you. Keep us posted, ask anything you want, feel free to pm me. 

post #197 of 659

Oh Nicole greensad.gif  I am so so so sorry.  I experienced something very similar with my ex when my DS was a toddler.  Its just the most soul crushing feeling.  Im so sorry you are going through this, especially now.  I dont have any magic words for you.  Just be very realistic.  Not being realistic about it will not help anything, will not help your relationship, and will not help you build trust again (if possible).  With that being said, until he can be realistic and honest you are not going to get anywhere, either.  Remember that your gut told you something was up, so its obviously capable of leading you in the right direction.  Listen to it even if its telling you something you dont want to hear.  And dont ever be sorry you shared with us.

post #198 of 659
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post

 What I'm trying to say is that there may very well be nothing really going on with him and this girl, but the fact that he's enjoying her company and going too far with the texts is a symptom of things that need to be worked on in your relationship.  Maybe it's a really good thing you figured this out now before anything went way too far to repair.  Now you have the chance to get him to open up to you and for you two to connect in a new way- moving forward from here in a really genuine way.

 

Jaimee, maybe I'm a bit over the top about the issue, but I have to disagree here. A man's inappropriate behavior isn't always a symptom of things that are wrong with a relationship. Sometimes, it is a symptom that he is being a horrible, stupid, awful, cruel spouse. (I would have preferred to type some inappropriate for MDC words there!) This guy has been texting negative things about his relationship with Nicole, has been hanging out in bars with the other woman, has a half naked pic of her, and is planning to meet her again in secret at a bar. That's one step from a full-blown affair. And it is a full-blown emotional affair.

 

Relationships have issues. Hooking up with another woman is never okay under any circumstances. Men have to be responsible for their actions. They have self-control and need to use it.

post #199 of 659
I'm humiliated. I told him to go to his mom's then changed my mind because I don't want a million people in my business. I feel like a complete fool. I don't want to have to explain it a billion times. I talked to a neutral party who was also there and she said the worst thing that ever happened was him talking about how unhappy he was and her egging it on. And she came with the girl both times, so she was there the whole time. She said that she honestly doesn't think he meant what he was saying... That he's just nostalgic about his past, so he was rolling with it.
He told me he quit talking to her after she sent the picture because he didn't intend for it to go that far. He considered it kind of harmless, because he knew it would never lead to anything then stopped after that.
I am so anti divorce it's not even funny. And I have no idea if our insurance covers that stuff.

I'm just, fried. I need sleep. Maybe I'll think better tomorrow.
post #200 of 659

Please know that you will not look like a fool to ANYbody, but HE WILL.  Dont be afraid to hold him accountable for his actions because you fear what people will think of you.  He needs to fear what people will think of HIM.  He has been acting like a fool, not you.

  Return Home
  Back to Forum: November 2011 Due Date Club
Mothering › Groups › November 2011 Due Date Club › Discussions › May 2013 Chit Chat