I'm with Ash. Nicole, can you talk your DH into leaving for a bit? It seems like he's clearly not realizing how big of a deal his boundary-crossing was, or else I don't think you'd be so distraught. He isn't giving you reason to feel like he's being honest. It's a suffocating feeling when something rocks the boat and you have no way to tell when your partner is being honest. I don't think you'd be this upset if it were a minor, innocent few moments of being naive on his part while out with friends and whatnot. If he had just talked to the girl a few times, that could be explained away and prevented in the future. But Nicole, he had a scantily-clad picture of her in his cell phone, FROM her. It was still in there well after it was sent. He was interacting with her several times. That is a big deal. Sure, it's not as bad as finding them in bed together, but he can't possibly be so ignorant to have just forgotten about the picture or thought it was innocent... could he? I'd like to think that an honest, devoted person would tell/show their partner if they received a text like that. It's the people who think "I didn't want to upset my spouse" who are the ones who end up keeping things to themselves that they shouldn't be. He wasn't even in THAT boat! He was enjoying it. Think about it---- if he had just told you in the first place that this chick was talking to him, he could've used that opportunity to build extra trust in your relationship. He must've enjoyed the interaction and was putting his marriage into the back of his mind while doing it. Then he kept it from you. He betrayed you. Please don't apologize for being so upset. I can tell you if I were in your position, I'd probably be having a nervous breakdown. You're doing well considering the circumstances. Betrayal by a partner causes the most sickening feeling. When I had it happen in a previous relationship, I was all-out on the floor bawling my eyes out... drove over to my friends' house and had the most intense crying session in front of them all wide-eyed... cried hard in front of both of my parents... I reminded myself all of the time not to be embarrassed for a second. It helped to empty my emotional bucket as much as I could. Everybody was so wonderful. I hope you take advantage of that same sort of support in your life, Nicole! If you have to drive over to a friend's house unannounced and start bawling in front of them, DO IT!
If you left for a bit, where would you stay, and how would you guys work things out with Conner? Would you take him with you?