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Just Got Chewed Out During my Appt... And Walked Out

post #1 of 41
Thread Starter 

I came here to write down what just happened to calm down a bit and  I would also like to read others' experiences with wackadoos they have met in their prenatal appointments.

 

Today we were supposed to confirm the sex of the baby at my highly anticipated 18 week ultrasound, among other much more important things. It was supposed to be special.

 

Not even a full minute in to the ultrasound, I had not yet seen the baby move, and being nervous and 35 years old, decided to tap my stomach to see if it made the baby move, during the ultrasound while the tech was looking away.  I had been asked to do this at my last ultrasound in a different clinic to get the baby to move, so I had no idea it could present a problem.  

 

The tech crossly asked me,

 

"what do you think you're doing?" after I had tapped my stomach.  

 

I said, "Oh, I got nervous because I didn't see movement and wanted to see if the baby responded. I just saw it move so I'm not worried now. Sorry"

 

she replied, "That was completely uncalled for. The baby was in a perfect position, so there is NO reason you need to be tapping your stomach. Don't do that again."

 

Shocked by her tone, I let e moment pass and said "Wow! I'm really sorry I had NO idea it would be that offending".

 

Silence...she was still doing the ultrasound. No apology, no joke to lighten the mood. Nothing. She was just mad.

 

WTF?

 

I looked at my husband.  He too had an incredulous look on his face.  A WTF look.  

 

Ordinarily, I would have allowed her to complete the ultrasound, then said some things about it to somebody at the clinic.

 

But this was a very important ultrasound, one which was about to confirm the sex of our child, one which was about to potentially determine certain health concerns of the baby.   Could I possibly have this toxic, rude woman invading my womb for a second longer, and risk this memorable day being spoiled?

 

I promptly sat up, told her the appointment was over, wiped off the goop, buttoned up, and explained I don't deserve to be talked to like that, that I deserve respect, and that she should apologize for her tone.

 

To my amazement, she said, "but I did just apologize!"

 

I looked over to my husband who shook his head and said, "you didn't apologize, and the way you spoke was rude".

 

(Thanks baby daddy. I am NOT a hormonal, emotional, stupid cow, just a pregnant woman who wants respect. Thank you!)

 

Then the tech tried to push us in to staying to complete the ultrasound, explaining their specialty is high risk pregnancy, and that there was no place else I could go for this kind of ultrasound. Also condescending. I knew that was BS and can only guess she was trying to make me look irrational.  

 

She reminded us of the neurotic sister who's also a nurse in Breaking Bad. 

 

I rescheduled on a day the tech won't be there, but am now freaked out because the tech was so toxic I feel like something must have been wrong for her to act that way.  

 

Anyway, the last time I was snapped similarly at by a medical person it was one OB I didn't know during the delivery of my son.  I will not allow people, especially people I am entrusting with my baby's wellness, to condescend to me as if I am the giant dumb cow I sometimes feel like.  We DO need a little special treatment during times like these.  

 

 

So, I guess I hope that we all have the luxury of walking out on people who treat us like that; because sometimes it's a far more desperate situation and we just have to take it, and feel like victims.  We are made to feel like we are being irrational but we aren't.

 

I am glad I took this opportunity to say no to that, because I might not have that luxury next time.

post #2 of 41
I do think her tone and response were less gentle than they could have been, but we also need to remember that she was trying to do her job. An 18 week u/s is usually to look at and measure a number of different body parts to make sure that the baby is healthy and growing well, to estimate risks that may require intervention or advanced planning, etc. For *us* it's a chance to see our adorable babies and sometimes to learn the sex, but that's not the point of the procedure. I can understand being frustrated if you were seconds away from getting an accurate measurement only to have the baby move out of position. But I also think that babies are generally uncooperative when we want them to be and would probably have moved even if you hadn't tapped him/her. orngtongue.gif
post #3 of 41
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mosaic View Post

I do think her tone and response were less gentle than they could have been, but we also need to remember that she was trying to do her job. 

Gee, thanks for your opinion.  First of all, my OP clearly states that I understood the importance of the ultrasound beyond sex.  Less gentle?  What?

 

And what is up with "we"?  Are you my lecturer or something?  

 

For *us* it's a chance to see our adorable babies and sometimes to learn the sex, but that's not the point of the procedure.

 

That's incredibly off-base, and insensitive. Did you read my post? Are you the same ultrasound tech we just ran from?

 

I have no frustration at anything other than being talked to rudely for no reason; I made a point not to exaggerate or make myself look better .  The tech was less than a minute into the scan and, as you said, the baby was likely to move any moment.

post #4 of 41
Thread Starter 

On second thought, I'm not out of this website.  I'm not going to let anyone else upset me today:-) 

post #5 of 41
I would have walked, too, if I were you. And if I were your care provider and you told me this story, I'd be pretty ticked off at my ultrasound tech. Just my 2 cents.
post #6 of 41
The tech was definitely rude and should have found a more respectful way to ask you to please be patient while she is taking measurements. Also, the first thing she should have done is found the heartbeat to reassure you before getting into the nitty gritty of her job. She should have enough experience with mums and dads to know the first thing they want to know is if their baby is alive and kicking. And while I'm on your side, it would be helpful for you to remember that getting those measurements can be very tricky, and techs sometimes have to work very hard to get baby into the necessary position for each part of the anatomy they need to scan. If they need you to roll over or go to the toilet to get baby to move, they'll ask you. I hope your next scan goes much more smoothly, with a cooperative baby and a more respectful tech.
post #7 of 41
Ya, no I'm proud you left.
post #8 of 41

Good for you! How rude!

post #9 of 41
I'm proud of you for leaving too.
post #10 of 41

clap.gif

Good for you! There are much better ways she could have handled things. You don't deserve rudeness or disrespect, for any reason.  If it was critical for you to remain still, she should have communicated that to you before beginning the exam.   I haven't had a bad experience like that in my own pregnancy care, but would likely handle it as you did if I had a similar situation. Nobody, especially not someone I'm paying for a service, gets to be disrespectful to me with impunity. I'd probably also consider writing a letter to the management of the U/S facility and/or discussing it with your pregnancy care provider, so they get some feedback about what clients may experience in the facility and might consider giving some constructive criticism to the tech so she can clean up her act.  Patient dissatisfaction is a major thing for most healthcare institutions, because they want your business, especially if you have your choice of other places to use for the same care.

 

post #11 of 41

Good for you demeter! So many people, women especially, put up with that sort of treatment at their appointments. They're not going to improve the way that they treat people unless clients start standing up for themselves like you did.

post #12 of 41
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by EA77 View Post

The tech was definitely rude and should have found a more respectful way to ask you to please be patient while she is taking measurements. Also, the first thing she should have done is found the heartbeat to reassure you before getting into the nitty gritty of her job. She should have enough experience with mums and dads to know the first thing they want to know is if their baby is alive and kicking. And while I'm on your side, it would be helpful for you to remember that getting those measurements can be very tricky, and techs sometimes have to work very hard to get baby into the necessary position for each part of the anatomy they need to scan. If they need you to roll over or go to the toilet to get baby to move, they'll ask you. I hope your next scan goes much more smoothly, with a cooperative baby and a more respectful tech.

 

Hi, Thank you for constructively making your points.  I know it's a very stressful job, and not for every temperament.

post #13 of 41
Thread Starter 

Thanks Haurelia and everyone who has really been sweet. I feel relieved, getting these echoes that I didn't deserve the treatment I got.

post #14 of 41

Good for you for walking out!  She was completely disrespectful, and you didn't deserve that.  Sorry, mama. 

post #15 of 41
Pardon my French, but I hope I can summon those balls if someone is like that to me. Good on you! Don't let 'em get away with that garbage!!!
post #16 of 41
Quote:

Originally Posted by demeter888 View Post

I will not allow people, especially people I am entrusting with my baby's wellness, to condescend to me as if I am the giant dumb cow I sometimes feel like.  We DO need a little special treatment during times like these.  

 

I wouldn't even call it special treatment!  Practitioners should be treating ALL their patients with respect and sensitivity!  Something is going on in the world today where people are losing sight of what customer service and patient care is.  Shame.  Good on ya for walking out and showing her that people will not tolerate that kind of behaviour.

 

I don't think there is any need to worry about your baby's well-being because of her bad attitude.  She was probably just a bitch having a bad day and letting it interfere with her job.  Sorry you had to be on the receiving end and had a bad experience, hope it goes better at the next appt and you have the cherished, special moment you desire!

post #17 of 41

  Good for you for walking out!  I have not had the unfortunate "pleasure" of a rude US techie, but I do understand rude behavior.  When I went for my mandatory "nurses talk" at our OB practice, the nurse there lectured me for a good 10 minutes because we are farmers and choose to drink raw milk/eat unpasteurized cheeses/meats, etc...  I explained to her as nicely as I could that this was my 3rd child and we've been eating a whole foods diet for a very long time and while I understand it's not for everyone, it works for us and is healthier than eating a lot of chemically processed packaged junk, etc.  I also explained that I understood the risks, but our cows and sheep are routinely tested as well as the milk, etc.  It was one of those situations where I WISH I had had the courage to walk out!!  She was telling me how I was putting my child at risk and even after the berating, CALLED ME AT HOME to "give me more research" to read about.  I understand they have a job to do, but you are right, we deserve to be treated with respect and they should honor our decisions.  Europeans have been doing raw dairy for centuries and it is a widely accepted practice there, the Amish/Mennonite/Quakers have been doing it as well...so why is it that it's all of a sudden a risk?  irked.gif 

  I am sorry you had to have that happen to you, especially during such an important scan!  I do hope the next one goes well, and I agree - you should write a letter to those in charge to tell them of your rude and unacceptable treatment...you never know how many other women have either been silent or have already written in to express the same thing.  She MAY have been having a bad day, but that's still NO excuse for you to be treated that way.  hug2.gif  Hang in there mama!!  

post #18 of 41

Good for you.  That took a lot of strength to walk out on such an anticipated appointment. The Ultrasound Tech works with people on a very personal level every day.  She should learn how to communicate in an empathetic way or find another job.  I'm sure she will get reprimanded by her superiors and what you did will hopefully prevent her from being so harsh to other expecting parents in the future.

post #19 of 41

Bottom line: Giving an ultrasound is performing a service for pay. When providing a service, you MUST respect and appropriately treat the customer, even in the medical field. Many people forget that critical fact. "That was completely uncalled for" is not acceptable in any type of service unless the customer is verbally or physically abusing the employee. A specialist cannot expect the customer to know the details of the specialty. If we did, they wouldn't be needed. :)

 

The office should give you another ultrasound at no additional cost (maybe even discount the first cost) with a different tech. If the tech come forward and apologizes, I think it is appropriate to forgive and move on, but you definitely should receive the service for which you are paying without being hassled. 

post #20 of 41

Well now I am mad too in your behalf. In fact it sounds to me like you handled it gracefully. I probably would have said "um, this is MY stomach and MY baby so keep YOUR hands off of me, and I'm out of here." The fact that she was a professional "doing her job" doesn't give her a right to speak to you like that. in fact I would think it gives her an obligation to be courteous to you. Sorry 

 

Sorry you had to deal with that but good for you for standing up for yourself. Why does everyone seem to think that pregnant women need to be docile? You will be a great mommy!

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