We've been struggling for a long time trying to teach DS (5) consequences and it just hasn't been working. We use as many natural and logical consequences as we can, but often there just isn't one. Now in preschool he is having so many issues that the teacher threatened to "talk to mom today" if he didn't knock it off. He didn't.
A lot of it is impulse control and I don't know how to help him with that. But he KNOWS the right thing and just chooses not to do it, and it's happening more frequently. Then when he gets in trouble for it (i.e., has to come inside b/c he couldn't play nicely outside), he cries and says we just want him to be in trouble. I can't seem to convince him that he's the one in control of his choices. He just can't hear us.
We've always tried to be understanding, but "Oh, he's only 2" has become "He's 5 -- WHEN is he going to get it?" We are very consistent with our rules (and there aren't many) and timeouts have never worked, even though he gets one every time he needs to be separated from the action. The cooling down/thinking time just doesn't cut it for him. He sees it as a punishment, does the "time" and goes back to his old tricks, even though I have always told him it's time to calm down/think about better choices/etc.
What am I doing wrong? It used to be only a problem here at home, but now it's at school too. He did well for awhile with sticker charts, but I put a stop to that, b/c he proved he knows how to behave and shouldn't need a bribe to do what he knows is right. I don't get paid for being a good person, and neither should he.