Cannany!!!! Such adorable little darling boys!!! Love it. Thanks for sharing. :)
Queer parents - Page 6
Escher, summer is a hot time for babywearing, pregnancy is a hot time for living and strollers are awesome for toddlers.
AOTD: I don't know that I do anything special to make my kids comfortable with their family structure. We do pride every year. They have many friends with a variety of family setups. We occasionally changed daddy to baba while reading books and I replaced mama with baba in songs sang in first person. DD has asked a few people about their donors, so I'm not sure she gets that other families are different. DS1 gets it, I think. I don't think she's clear that children have genetic ties to both parents in some families. We keep talking. I'm guessing she would have learned otherwise in preschool but she missed it. Most of their friends are in blended families like theirs, so they think of traditional marriage as the weird one. All their homeschool friends actually have the mom-dad setup but one parent is invisible at a lot of SAHP daytime gatherings.
I have to confess that we are really spoiled on this one. Our next door neighbors are lesbians with a kid. DD's nanny was a lesbian with a kid. There are multiple families in the neighborhood that are lesbian with kids. We have colleagues & friends around town that are lesbian with kids. It's so normal in DD's world to see lesbians with children, that we don't even have to "present" the topic. It's just how the world is.
We live in a co-op populated with 1- or 2-mom households (there a dozen or so kids here).
We also live in a neighbourhood that is super queer-friendly and diverse. There are families of all make-ups here, and among her closest friends, the majority of the families are headed by two women.
As for our own family, we often switch out the papas or daddies in books and replace them with baba. We don't make a big deal of our family being any different or more special than anyone else's. E is starting to understand that we 'adopted' her and H as embryos, and sometimes says she has three moms; me, the egg-mama, and the egg-mama's partner. Her baba isn't included in that tally. So she often says, "I have three mamas and one baba and no daddy or papa or dada."
Seraf—Oh, I think you’re one of the cool kids! But I’m a big dork, so it’s hard to know if that’s a compliment or not, I guess. I hope you find some other people who think so, too.
Escher—I can see that it’s only going to get more fun for a bit here—Edie’s solid enough on her feet that she’s being freed up to do what she wants more. Sometimes that’s throwing herself at our knees when we try to leave the room or having little baby tantrums, but often it’s giving us kisses and carrying around her stuffed chicken from room to room.
QOTD—we haven’t done much, but since most of our parent friends are people that I met while on the internet trying to get pregnant there are a lot of queer families in our social mix right now. We try to get together pretty frequently with them. My mom is also married to a woman, so there’s a weird kind of normalcy in our family—I have three moms and a dad, so when we go casting around for other families that are different, we don’t have to look too far. I wish we had more queer family books. Mommy, Mama and Me and Tango Makes Three are great, but it would be nice to have more. Unfortunately a lot of the other ones that I’ve run across haven’t been very good books. Maybe I’ll look for some other options and finally use her birthday giftcards to get her some new books.
QOTD-- We live in a pretty accepting town, but don't know a lot of other queer families (a couple, though). We have some great children's books about queer families, like "In Our Mothers' House". For our ten-year-old, it hasn't really been an issue. She is proud of our family and has often said she feels lucky to have two moms. We also take the kids to Pride in Eugene and in Portland a lot of times. Our 15-year-old has a hard time with it, and has had a hard time with it ever since her mom and I got together when she was 11. I wasn't the first woman her mom dated, but her mom had been single for a few years. She is one of those teenagers who just desperately wants to be "normal". It's been a challenge for her. She also wants us to be more feminine, her mom especially. But that is the least of our struggles with her...
Is a.. The boys def keep me busy we are 3 months already !!! My mom has been here since April and leaves June 10.. I'm ready for her to go home but not ready to b alone lol..I'm doing pretty good .. My milk never really came in so for 12 weeks I pumped what I could ...like 3 oz day and just stopped this week as it was getting to hard to pump with 3 demanding babies:(
I feel lucky I had the nursing relation with each one at diff times ...I enjoyed it ..and was sad it ended .... Luckily I have a freezer and half full of donated milk so they will be on some bm till at least six months !
QQOTD .. We live in the Bay Area so super diverse we are lucky to have a queer parenting community and our boys will grow up knowing this is normal .. We debated moving to az and the main reason keeping us here is this.. To have our kids grow up with other queer families ...
I've been away from you wonderful ones for so long, but I've decided to make more of an effort to get back into the swing of our community. I miss the interactions and the people I met here, so I hope you'll take me back!
To re-introduce myself, I'm the mama of the amazing Alice Meredith AKA Ace, and partner to Professor Penelope. We used to live in Oklahoma, but now live in South Carolina, which is politico/culturally a lot like Oklahoma, though I've met a few lesbos/homos. It's gorgeous here, and we haven't nearly as much deadly weather, so that's nice. I'd love it if there were a queer parenting group in the vicinity, but that might be too much to ask.
I'm a librarian by trade, though I'm currently only working part time at the public library and staying home with Ace. I'm trying to get a school library job for next school year. I wish I could stay home with my baby for a few more years, but financially I just don't think it's going to be viable...
I'll post more as I read back and catch up with faces old and new. Glad to see you all again!!!
I've been awol for a few days. School is kicking my butt AND Liam's school ended a week early (federal Head Start funding was cut) so life has been hectic. Oh, and I had crazy kidney stone stuff. All of that.
But it's sunny today, here in Portland and I've gardened and am getting ready to go out with a friend and Liam. My kids grew up surrounded by queer culture so heteronormativity kind of seems strange to them. I owned a drag king group and now, living in Portland, we really only hang out with my partners family as far as straight folks. Everyone else is really really gay. We have lots of gay family friends and their school is super queer friendly (openly gay and trans teachers). We're in a bit of a bubble so leaving is a huge reality shock when we venture out of Portland.
Hey you all! So cool to hear about the different experiences being queer families. It seems like many of us are fortunate to be in community with other LGBTQ families, which is awesome! I feel incredibly fortunate to live where I do and know the people that I know. For those of you hanging tough in less queer friendly areas, thanks for keeping it real, and may things get better over time.
Library Lady, fun to see you back here!
And a question for all you parents- I posted this same question over on the FB page - but I'm curious if any of you, or anyone you know, have ever used the Kanoe baby hammock? I know it is expensive but we are seriously considering it out of hope and desperation!
Seraf, I imagine you make your own hammocks in some simple yet genius-like way! I think I am too paranoid about safety for that; I want to go with something tried and true!
Library Lady, welcome back!
Planet, no experience with the kanoe. You're totally right that I have made my own hammocks from slings and sheets. They hold well on my body, so I use them elsewhere as well. Speaking of hammocks, maybe I'll tie one up for the boys today, thanks for the idea. Oh, in school I had a friend from Vietnam. Her mother kept a regular hammock in her room for rocking the baby to sleep.
Planet ... I don't have any first hand experience, but I can tell you that for the three families that I know that have used them, two loved it, but lamented the space it took up in their teeny-tiny apartments, and the third family's child wasn't any more soothed by it than anything else. The babies in the first two families were pretty easy going. They are super spendy, so if you could borrow one to try first, that'd be *awesome*!
Good times here at the library, waiting for summer reading to gear up this week.
I have a question for you wise ones here: Ace has started hitting and biting and I am not down with that, but so far have been unsuccessful in making her stop, or indeed even doing anything but ramping up the hitting since she seems to be getting such a good reaction. I've tried talking to her about it, ignoring her when she does it, DP has tried pretending to cry when she does it and saying "You're hurting me!" which Ace finds very upsetting, but which doesn't change her behavior. She mostly hits us, but also hit another kid at a birthday party, which was maybe the most embarassing moment of my life. So, what would you do/have you done?
Also, if anyone would like to read an excellent YA novel about queer teens, I just finished a book called Fat Angie by e E Charlton-Trujillo and I loved it so much I just had to share.
Library! SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU BACK :)
SERAF - HELP! I found a new small woven wrap for sale for $50 - it is just under 3 meters. AND its rainbow. Is this too big for an african carry? Tell me wise one :)!
I love african carry and do it with cloth I have, but want to know if it would work wiht 3 metres. Too long?
OMOM, I can do an African back carry with 2 or 2.5. If you just have a little extra you can fold it under. 3 should be perfect for a rucksack carry. I've never had a 3 meter wrap, so I don't know for sure.
Hi to everyone else!
AFU: So you know how last week I was saying that 18 months was oh so very fun? Well so far 19 months is not as much fun. Our little guy has such strong opinions about everything right now, and he expresses them so very loudly. And the screaming and yelling is a bit much wherever we are, but it is especially hard to cope with when we're not at home. I'm hoping this is a short phase.