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Queer parents - Page 9

post #161 of 585
Quote:
Originally Posted by seraf View Post

....more like adorable puppies than supergenuises. I should probably talk to them more.

lol.gif

I like you, Seraf. orngbiggrin.gif
post #162 of 585
Good to know it's mostly for parents at this point--I think we kind of feel like we'd rather go see our friends and train her to be really good at restaurants (she is excellent!) at this point since eventually we'll spend all of our time pretending to be interested in little kids softball tournaments.

Seraf--I've also heard that the oldest child tends to be smarter because they get the extra buildup of minerals and vitamins that women start storing at puberty--subsequent kids only get whatever can be restored between pregnancies. My guess is it's a lot of hooey, though the vocab thing seems to have some merit (it's easier to learn words if you're used to hearing a lot of them).

Supergenius puppies!
post #163 of 585
Thread Starter 

Escher, thanks and ditto.

 

Isa, I've heard that idea as well.  I wonder about it.  Many of us who switch uteri would technically have two firstborns.  I see some first traits with S2, but again, it's hard to tease out nurture vs nature.  DP spoke in sentences at his age, so the fact that he's nearly as verbal as S makes him less verbal than her but way more verbal than him. There is a huge language difference at our house from O's infancy/toddlerhood. I was a word nerd back then and now any average 7 year old can understand me, so there's definitely a quality difference. The babies are exposed to a lot of words, but many come from the mouths of kids, too. S2 uses the same mispronunciations and skewed definitions of words as S, because he hears them constantly. Oh, and one frequently referenced study showed that kids adopted from higher socio-economic families to lower ones performed as well on IQ tests as kids adopted from lower socio-economic families to higher ones. Or something like that.

post #164 of 585
Yeah, my feeling is that it probably all comes out in the wash--if you have a smart kid you have a million reasons for what you did right. If you have a dumb one, there are a million reasons why it wasn't your fault. I feel like the nature v. nurture v. birth order v. diet v. everything else is a lot more complicated than we like to tell ourselves it is. It all has an impact, but I'm not sure that it's always so easy to tell exactly what one thing is making the difference, you know?
post #165 of 585
Thread Starter 

Isa, I totally agree. I also think there's only so much we can do. 

 

QOTD: Do you shave your legs or underarms? What reason do you give when young children ask?

post #166 of 585
Quote:
Originally Posted by seraf View Post

 

QOTD: Do you shave your legs or underarms? What reason do you give when young children ask?

 

Yep, I do. DD has asked what I'm doing and why...I tell her I like to do it and I like the way it feels.

post #167 of 585
Thread Starter 
AOTD, I do underarms so I don't have to wear deodorant. A asked why I shaved my legs recently and I said because I was planning to wear shorts. I've had many little girls comment when I didn't shave, but never boys. Hmmmm.
post #168 of 585

QOTD - An interesting issue. I went through a time from maybe 17-21 or so when I didn't shave, or mostly didn't, for feminist reasons. But after a while, if I went to the odd pool party or some place where I felt too self-conscious to be unshaven, I might shave. I eventually started shaving again because I decided to accept that we can't separate ourselves completely from our culture, and I wanted to feel reasonably attractive and accepted in American culture, such as it is. I wanted to feel like less of an outsider and be more relaxed about making new friends. Nowadays I shave all the time (including bikini line because we do a lot of swimming). Sometimes I let my leg hair go a week or so in the winter, but I find it causes a lot less irritation to shave sensitive areas all the time than to start and stop.

post #169 of 585
Thread Starter 

I know I'm missing some people.  Who all have I neglected to add to the list? 

Quote:
Originally Posted by seraf View Post

Have a baby, toddler or kid? Want to talk about all things related to parenting within your queer family? Welcome.

Expectant parents

Cocobird
Escher
Wishin'&hopin'
Carmen358
Mrs&mrs

New parents with babies

CaNanny
Planet

Parents of little kids aged 1-4

Escher
Seraf
OneMommyOneMama
CI Mama
Wishin'&hopin'
Carmen358
Heart-n-bones
Staling&Diesel

Parents of big kids aged 5-12

Cocobird
Seraf
TaviPDX

Parents of teens aged 13-19

Cocobird
Mrs&mrs
post #170 of 585
seraf -I posted yesterday, but my phone lost it!  greensad.gif

I don't know how I missed this thread!  but saw it mentioned when looking back through posts on QP&P and thought I would come check it out..

Add me - to Expecting category and Big Kids category?  Thanks!


**I have a questions for everyone who CD's -(I know this has probably been gone over a thousand times before, sorry!) Has anyone tried Econobum's prefolds?  How do they compare to Hemp Babies little/bigger weeds, flat weeds, diaper doubler, and raw silk liner?  I think I decided to go with Econobum covers (I like the price (needing to buy for two...) and I prefer the no frills, plain white with color edge), but as for what goes inside...  I would like to go with the cheaper option of just using the Econobum prefolds (less expensive) but would it be worth the cost (X's 2) to go with the hemp?  (I like the idea of a more natural fiber and heard they were ?better and lasted longer?)  Also, I am not much of a laundry person and loads sometimes get few and far between, so I am trying to be realistic about what I can handle in regards to CDing with time management with twins.  SO, would spacing laundry out to once a week be okay with keeping them clean???  I would buy enough for 8 days X's 2.  Would that get too expensive?  160 prefolds, lol....  okay, so maybe I answered my own question...  $350 for new Econobum prefolds, less on going with the hemp option.....  would that kind of cost justify spacing laundry out when I already have so much going on???  How many covers do I need a day for 1 baby?

AOTD -I don't think DD has ever asked why I shave.  I don't think I have ever done it in the rare times that we shower together or any other time within her viewing.  I rarely shave my legs anyway because I am fortunate enough to have SLOOOOW growing hair and it's practically clear color on my legs...
**
Edited because I can't do simple math, lol
Edited by esenbee2 - 6/14/13 at 9:09pm
post #171 of 585
Quote:
Originally Posted by esenbee2 View Post

seraf -I posted yesterday, but my phone lost it!  :(

 

I don't know how I missed this thread!  but saw it mentioned when looking back through posts on QP&P and thought I would come check it out..

 

Add me - to Expecting category and Big Kids category?  Thanks!

 

 

**I have a questions for everyone who CD's -(I know this has probably been gone over a thousand times before, sorry!) Has anyone tried Econobum's prefolds?  How do they compare to Hemp Babies little/bigger weeds, flat weeds, diaper doubler, and raw silk liner?  I think I decided to go with Econobum covers (I like the price (needing to buy for two...) and I prefer the no frills, plain white with color edge), but as for what goes inside...  I would like to go with the cheaper option of just using the Econobum prefolds (less expensive) but would it be worth the cost (X's 2) to go with the hemp?  (I like the idea of a more natural fiber and heard they were ?better and lasted longer?)  Also, I am not much of a laundry person and loads sometimes get few and far between, so I am trying to be realistic about what I can handle in regards to CDing with time management with twins.  SO, would spacing laundry out to once a week be okay with keeping them clean???  I would buy enough for 8 days X's 2.  Would that get too expensive?  160 prefolds, lol....  okay, so maybe I answered my own question...  $960 for new Econobum prefolds, less on going with the hemp option.....  would that kind of cost justify spacing laundry out when I already have so much going on???  How many covers do I need a day for 1 baby?

 

AOTD -I don't think DD has ever asked why I shave.  I don't think I have ever done it in the rare times that we shower together or any other time within her viewing.  I rarely shave my legs anyway because I am fortunate enough to have SLOOOOW growing hair and it's practically clear color on my legs...

 

We bought one econobum cover and prefold. The prefold was fine but I didn't care for the cover - it was an odd fit on my DD. Have you looked at the flip covers? I loved them.

post #172 of 585
Thread Starter 

I've never tried those, but I I will bring up the laundry spacing.  If you're doing laundry at home, you probably won't be able to fit that many diapers in a single load. Obviously the services go a week between washings, so there must be a way to get them clean. With baby clothes and diapers, I had a full load of laundry every day for several months. We do EC, so we change more often than average, so we probably have more diapers in a day. I'll count later and tell you how many diapers I can fit in my washer. I have a feeling 50 is about the limit.

post #173 of 585
Um, not to freak you out, Essenbee, but we're washing dipes every day. Partially because we don't have a million, but I don't think we could go more than 36-48 hours without filling the diaper pail.

Seraf, can you add me? One big kid (almost 5), two littles.
post #174 of 585
Seraf--put me in the 1-4, please!

AOTD--I shave both, with fair regularity (less in winter, more in summer). I don't like how I look or feel when I don't, which is tied to what outdoorsy was saying.

ETA--I haven't been asked why yet, but I expect I'll give a pretty similar answer to the question of why men usually don't wear skirts, or that women are expected to cross their legs in certain ways, etc. I remember being in middle school and wanting so badly to be allowed to shave my legs. Funny what things seem important markers of adulthood...
post #175 of 585
Quote:
Originally Posted by KnittingTigers View Post

Um, not to freak you out, Essenbee, but we're washing dipes every day. Partially because we don't have a million, but I don't think we could go more than 36-48 hours without filling the diaper pail.

Seraf, can you add me? One big kid (almost 5), two littles.

 

We washed them every 2 days with only one kiddo early on.

post #176 of 585
Thread Starter 

S+B, I remembered that I don't actually have prefolds anymore. I checked out this old thread, where I wrote that I can only fit 2 days worth of diapers in my washer. The boys were 6 and 12 months then.  They were using fewer diapers in a day than smaller babies, but they were larger diapers. I also think there is less stink washing every other day. 

 

Also, on the trip home where we put both boys in sposies for a day, we used more than half a pack. That was $6 for a single day of diapering.  Wowza. I'm so happy that I don't have to spend that much on something that I'm just going to throw away.

 

Isa, why don't men usually wear skirts? We know several men who wear skirts in the summer. This morning I was asked, "Why do some people wear a bra?"

post #177 of 585
Diapers: When our little guy was a newborn, we used a diaper service and went through 100 to 120 prefolds a week. Like Seraf we were ECing (which in the early days basically meant for us just being very responsive to wet diapers and changing them quickly), so maybe we went through more diapers than an average person would. When our little guy was a few months old and we started washing our own flats, we did laundry every day, and we had a full load every day between diapers and other clothes. We had four dozen diapers and that was enough for two days but not three.

AOTD: I don't think I've ever been asked by a kid why I shave, and I don't know what I would say. I've been thinking a lot about shaving lately. For years I've shaved my armpits but not my legs, but I'm really questioning if that is the right choice for me. I was raised with the idea that women shouldn't shave because it was a stupid unnecessary tradition, and while I sort of agree with that I just don't feel that personally comfortable with unshaved legs. I find myself choosing sometimes to wear pants instead of shorts on hot days because I don't want to deal with people noticing my unshaved legs. And that seems pretty crazy. So I'm thinking about starting to shave my legs. But even though Snopes says it isn't true, I worry that if I start shaving the hair will grow back thicker and darker and then I'll regret having shaved it. Anyway, clearly this QOTD was right in line with something I've been thinking about lately.

Here is a new QOTD: How much do you arrange your schedule around your child(ren)'s naps? Do you think it is important for your kid(s) to have regular naps? Is it important to you that they happen at a regular time or place?
post #178 of 585
Quote:
Originally Posted by seraf View Post

This morning I was asked, "Why do some people wear a bra?"

 

My DD has asked me that several times. I tell her that my breasts are too heavy - I need some help carrying them! Which is certainly true for me during pregnancy lol

post #179 of 585
Thread Starter 

Carmen, I told DD the same thing. I really wear one so the babies don't pinch me through my shirt.

 

Escher, I agree with Snopes. I have fairly light leg hair and I only shave once or twice a monthish through the summer and not at all in the winter. When I was a teen and shaved daily, It still never came in thicker or darker, but stubble is stubbly, so it has a different feel than either hairy or shaved legs. Back in the day when I didn't shave at all, I was occasionally asked, by women with hairy legs, if I shaved. They couldn't tell I had long leg hair, so I missed out on the feminist points anyway (I feel self-concous around friends who do and friends who don't when I'm hairy but only half as many when I shave. LOL). I've also had young children ask, but mostly they were the children of aformentioned friends with hairy legs. DD also asks because she has moms on both sides.  Mayim Bialik (actress and author of Beyond the Sling) doesn't shave, either.

 

AOTD: Our boys wake and sleep at different times, If I felt attached to naps happening in one place, I would never leave the house.  Some days their afternoon naps overlap but they regularly nap in transit. They want to nurse or sleep around 10:30, 1 and 5. The 10:30 and 5 naps are short, so we frequently plan travel at those times, hoping they will sleep in the car, but a little milk will usually pick them back up if they don't. By they, I mean S2 usually naps and S usually nurses, but sometimes takes a catnap. Lately they've both decided they want a 7PM nap and wake right at the big kids' bedtime, so I've been intentionally keeping them up at until 8ish.

post #180 of 585
Esenbee--we did laundry every day or other day with prefolds, and virtually never went through more than three covers (usually only one that we would change every day, but even then it was just because it seemed like a good idea, not because it was soiled or anything). I never do laundry usually, and I was pleased to discover that when the baby was young it didn't bother me at all to go down and put a load in while she was napping or even just if she was quietly amusing herself. Now that she's older and we're in sposies again we are back to never doing laundry, though we're thinking of switching back again, at least part time. I personally wouldn't want to let them sit for a week (the diaper services are using much hotter water than home washing machines have, from what I read), but you might find that you don't mind getting into a more regular routine--having two new babies is going to change so many of your usual routines anyway, what's one more? Besides, you'll either be doing laundry or taking out trash.

Escher--Go for it! Once it starts growing in it looks just like it always does when it's long.

Seraf--some men do (obviously). But I don't know very many at all who will wear a skirt because it crosses gender norms that run pretty deep. Even guys who are totally unconcerned with mainstream ideals of masculinity don't seem to wear them in my experience (unless it's a kilt, but even those are rare). I'm with Carmen on the bra thing, and the fact that I don't like my breasts flopping all over the place when I'm moving--I would prefer to have them strapped down so I can move (or run!) without thinking about them.

AOTD--we try to be somewhat respectful of nap and bedtimes, but sometimes things come up. And we do try pretty often to have naptime fall on a drive someplace, so we can use the time to get where we're going and have a rested baby once we're there. She's on a schedule with daycare, and turns into a screaming pumpkin at her bedtime, so we more or less stick to that timing.
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