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Queer parents - Page 12

post #221 of 577

Thanks for dinner Cananny!  It was yummy.  We will have to get all the boys together soon.  Max, a Bay Area gathering would be very fun.  We have lots of babies to enjoy.  Charlie is almost 3 weeks so we may be ready for a gathering soon.

post #222 of 577
Breast feeding question: when does it get better?? I am 18 days pp and my nipples are still really tender even after a good latch. I've been pumping to prepare for bottle when I go back to work. When is a good time to introduce a bottle to prevent nipple confusion?

Hope everyone is well!!
Edited by erinTNgirl - 7/16/13 at 3:31am
post #223 of 577
Thread Starter 
Erin, are you working with a LC? I had pain until 2 weeks with my last and Sara had it 3 weeks (None with my first two. It doesn't always hurt). With all of ours, nursing was comfortable around the time they hit their due dates (#2 had a hard time latching but didn't hurt fly nipples). If you're having pain, there's usually a reason.

I wouldn't introduce a bottle before you figure out the pain. How long until you go back to work? Shay took 1 bottle before I went back, started refusing and then took them again no problem when I was really gone (8 weeks). The other kids were older when I went back and they refused them totally. They either nursed with their mama with an SNS or ate solids. Soren was given one by mistake, but he took bottles easily.
post #224 of 577
Thread Starter 
QOTD: what kind of silliness has happened in your house lately?

S showed me the "ow" on his leg. I asked if it needed a smooch. He said it needed coffee.
post #225 of 577
Seraf: I love that Shay thought coffee would make an ow better. Certainly many adults would agree with him!

Erin: I second the recommendation to chat with a lactation consultant or go to a LLL meeting. My experience was that it was possible to have virtually pain-free nursing from very early.

Pokey: Three weeks! Wow!

Max: I hope the visit was fun!
post #226 of 577

Erin- I wish I could answer your question.  C will be 3 weeks tomorrow and my nipples were sore but they are feeling better.  I express some breastmilk onto them and then put on some lanolin.   I still have some pain when he latches on and starts sucking but it has gotten much better.  I think his latch has gotten a lot better too.  I called the LC and she told me the pain should go away by a few weeks as my nipples toughen.  I have always heard that theory is BS so I didn't take her too seriously.  As for introducing bottles, I always hear it is good to wait about a month until breastfeeding is well established.   

post #227 of 577

Hey Erin, with DS1 (the one I nursed) I had pretty awful pain until about 6 weeks (at about every nursing I would promise him that I'd nurse him this time, but I wasn't making any promises for the next time!). In retrospect, his latch was pretty bad--a lactation consultant would probably have come in handy (my nipples would look like the top of a lipstick after each session--a big red flag). But, I put on lanolin BEFORE each nursing session (and after) and toughed it out--around 6 weeks things got better and we went on to nurse for 2.5 years! I had no cracking or bleeding issues, no thrush and no other "serious" issues--just that crappy latch! That said, make sure to flare both his TOP and bottom lip when he's latched on (the top one is the one that's trickier because I think most babies automatically flare the bottom). Good luck!

post #228 of 577
Erin - I don't know, but I hope it gets better! DW says breastfeeding is worse than pregnancy, the c-section, or the recovery. I hate that I can't help her with it, and I have encouraged formula more than once. But she wants to stick with it. We gave our first bottle at 3 weeks so she could get some sleep, and it was wonderful. But the LC said 4-6 weeks.

Hi everyone! N is a month old tomorrow! My brother (and our KD) is here now, which is nice, but I am ready to be done with visitors. Hope everyone is well.
post #229 of 577

Pokey ... oh your nipples will indeed toughen!  And toughen, and toughen, and toughen. After 4.5 years of nursing I could probably clamp an alligator on and not notice.  And, bonus, your nipples get to be new funky shapes too!  #saggytorpedotits  Weeeeeeee!  winky.gif  


Erin ... I agree with the LLL meeting or lactation consultant.  Do you have public health nurses in your community?  Ones that are pro nursing?

And speaking of nipples, how are yours?  Are the typical, or more inverted, or flat?  Have you tried a nipple shield?  

Have you tried the football hold?  Nursed lying down?  If you look up Jack Newman you'll find a lot of his videos showing how to correct nursing issues.  He's an amazing pro-bf doc here in Canada, but there is a lot of his support on line too.  

As for a 'good latch' ... who says?  SO OFTEN people exclaim over a 'good latch' and it really truly isn't.  I had several people in the know say that dd had a good latch.  She didn't.  It was mamas at LLL that corrected her latch and pointed out her shallow pallet. 

As for avoiding nipple confusion, people general say about 8 weeks.  More than nipple confusion, I'd be concerned about bottle preference.  When it comes out faster and quicker, it's hard to hold out for a correct latch and a let-down.  Have you considered topping up baby with a syringe or wee cup?  Again, Doc Newman has lots of tips about topping up, etc.

Also, have you checked out the breastfeeding challenges section here on MDC?  Lots of supportive women over there. 


Hang in there mama ... !  grouphug.gif

post #230 of 577

erin -I too would worry more about bottle preference.  Happened with DD and she didn't get a bottle til about 8 weeks.  She got so lazy with the ONE bottle a day and started drinking less at the breast, that my supply went down, even with me pumping after every feeding.  I hear that kind of experience isn't common and I have no idea about other factors that could have played a part, if any, but it could happen.  DD and I only lasted 3 short months of BFing :(

post #231 of 577

I don't know what the magic solution is, but I do know that N hasn't shown any sign of bottle preference after getting a bottle (actually three in one night) at three weeks.  He went right back to the breast the next morning and has gotten one bottle every 2-3 days since.  I don't want to speculate since I haven't done a ton of research, but maybe eight weeks is actually too late?  We were told that if we wanted him to be able to take a bottle (which we need him to be able to do both so that DW can get back to work and sleep, but also so I can have the experience of feeding him, which I love), we should introduce it by six weeks.  I'd say there are no hard and fast rules, and do what feels right for your baby and for your life.  DW's relationship with breastfeeding is so much better if she knows she can get a break every couple of days.    

post #232 of 577
EasttoWest- did your baby come on June 18th? That is Aiden's bday too.

Pokey- I still have your breast feeding book, I need to give it back to you. Also, I have a ton of extra nipple cream and even a supplemental nursing system if you want it.

AFU- My sister and her family just left today. It was so nice to have people at home with me during the day and the support of many other hands. I get so tired sometimes that as soon as DP comes home from work he has to take over baby duties.

QOTD- It's too overcast to swim in SF but I suspect we will try a heated pool once he is a little older. My mother is scheduled to visit at the end of this month and that makes me happy. She is so excited.
post #233 of 577

Max - Yay for Bay Area birthday twins!  I'm sorry I lost track of this thread and forgot to say congratulations!!  We went through the adoption process for a while before giving up, so I know the agony and frustration it can be.  But what a joy to have your baby home!  When do you finalize?  You must be counting down the days.  :)  Happy one month birthday to Aiden tomorrow!


We'd be up for a Bay Area meet up!  So many little baby boys.


And here's a picture just for kicks.  (That's my view of him when he's all wrapped up.)



post #234 of 577
Erin--I hope it gets better soon! I didn't have a lot of problems, but I do remember going through a few weeks about a month in where I would grit my teeth and forget to breathe the whole time she was nursing--it went away after a while. One thing to help with the bottle thing a bit is to only use the lowest-flow nipples. We only took Edie of the #1 nipples after she was weaned, and she never had a preference for them (some of that is just personality, I think, but it helped that she had to work for her dinner either way).

East--what a little sweetheart!

QOTD--we have had very little silliness as we are getting five giant teeth and not happy about it! There has been a lot more talking lately, though, and DP swears that this morning she heard Edie say 'mommies' when she was talking to both of us.
post #235 of 577

seraf- Could you please add me to the new mom section on the front page? I am working with an LC, but I have only gone once to her. She said everything looked great though. I am thinking I should go back to follow up for sure. Also I am planning on attending an LLL meeting. I don't have to go back to work until 12 weeks PP, but I want to make sure the baby will take a bottle before then, plus my DP really wants some bonding time, too.


escher- I am going to set up a follow up with the LC and go to the LLL meeting for sure. I just need validation that I am doing the right thing.


pokey - Thanks for the advice! It is getting better (three weeks on Friday), but like you, it still hurts right when he latches. I've been trying to change up positions, and that is helping as well.


wishin' - I learned early on (after the first week) that I needed to get his lips out! I just stick my finger under his top lip and flip it out. His latch really is nice looking, but I know that might not mean anything. Right when we get ready to attach, his little mouth is very lazy!! He will not open wide until after he has already been attached and lets go (if that makes sense).


easttowest - My DP feels the same way about feeling helpless. That is another reason we want to introduce a bottle this weekend at three weeks. I am just hoping he has no confusion, because I really enjoy breastfeeding him even if it hurts initially.


starling - My nipples are pretty normal but short. I used nipple shields the first two weeks, which were awesome, but I leaked all over the place when I fed him. I just use the disposable pads now to save my sheets, his clothes, my clothes, etc! I love the football hold, but I cannot figure out the side-lying hold to save my life. I need to watch Dr. Newman's videos for sure. I am going to try the Tommy Tippie, Dr. Brown, and Born Free bottles to see what he prefers (all low flow).


esenbee2 - This is exactly what I am worried about!! I am hoping the low flow bottles do the trick!


prettyisa - This sounds like what I am going through for sure. Thanks for the advice!! I hope it works itself out...

post #236 of 577

erin -I have heard some good things in online reviews about Lansinoh Momma bottles, Comotomo bottles, Medela Calma bottles, Avent (Philip) Natural nipple bottles, and Playtex Drop-Ins.  But then there are also reviews out there from mom's who hated those.  The best thing I read was to try out a few to see what works best for the baby, since all babies have a different latch/feeding pattern.  These were all on a list of best bottles for breastfeeding babies with shape of nipple and flow that acted like the breast.

post #237 of 577
ErinTN- I have a supplemental nursing system if you want to try it. May result in less frequent feedings and give your nipples a break.
post #238 of 577

Thanks for all the good nipple info everyone, especially starling!  BF'ing is much harder than I thought it would be, but it gets better every day.


erin--Side-lying can be tricky to figure out but keep trying.  It's much easier because you don't have to hold the baby up and I find the latching is easier once he gets on there.  It took me a little while to get it right.  I do it on our futon because it's at an angle and supports my back and holds up the baby.


Max-I would love to have the book back.  I would love to meet you soon so we can do the exchange in person.  We will need to organize a get together.  My FIL is coming next week but then we will be done with visitors for a while.


e2w-I'm sorry DW is having a tough time BF'ing.  I totally understand.  It is definitely harder than pregnancy and birth.  Now I get why so many women quit and go to formula.  I hope things continue to get better and easier.  I look forward to being able to have DW give DS bottles soon.  Happy 1 month!  I hope your visit is going well, and I hope you have a wonderful time being alone with your family soon.  My mom just left, and while it really helped me to have her here, we are so happy to be alone again.  Rockridge Kids is having a clearance sale on Medela products.  Accessories are 50% off and pumps are 30% off in case you need anything.


AFU- We successfully left the house today for more than 2 hours!  We had lunch and got coffee and took a little walk.  We had to change a diaper and do a quick feeding in the car, but all went well.  It felt really good to get out and be normal.   I have a breastfeeding cover someone gave me and I wonder why those things are so ridiculous!  They are made with the loudest busiest fabrics.  If I'm going to pull out my boob in public, I would like to be inconspicuous, but all of these covers are super bright.  They scream, "Look at me!  I'm nursing my baby"!  Anyway...need to find a normal looking one.


First bath in the bucket


post #239 of 577
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by easttowest View Post

I hate that I can't help her with it, and I have encouraged formula more than once.

This was the hardest part. DP had such a hard time in the beginning and I wanted to encourage breast feeding but also had a really hard time saying, "Chin up, feed this screaming baby even though it hurts. You will be very happy that you didn't give up when you get past this." With two of my babies I remember crying when they wanted to nurse (after pains, not sore nipples with DD) but I was very glad I had a successful nursing relationship with each of them. Washing bottles and pump parts sucks. The price of formula would have been a challenge for us, as well.

Anyway, reclining and putting the baby belly to belly was the way they finally figured out a painless latch. The newborn stage is the first and largest hurdle. It is worth it to get it going right.

Pokey, so cute!

For bonding and giving the nursing mom a break, wraps and slings are phenomenal. Taking the baby for a walk was my favorite.
post #240 of 577
I second the belly to belly thing. Sometimes Edie would get so worked up with hunger, and the only thing that worked was plopping her on my chest and letting her figure it out. Fwiw, I couldn't do side lying nursing until she was much bigger. I think it has something to do with body size and shape and all of those other logistics.
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