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Queer parents - Page 13

post #241 of 575

I also couldn't do side lying nursing for quite a while. After DD was a bit older though it was so much easier!

 

The strangest thing has happened with sleep in our house. We recently moved houses but haven't sold our old place left so had left all of our furniture there to have it staged for open houses. There is a queen sized bed in the master bedroom in the new house and with my rapidly expanding belly we all felt pretty cramped. DD has slept with us since birth but had a stint for about 8 or 9 months (I can't remember how long) where she slept in a toddler bed in our room I'd say 90% of the time. She decided at some point she wanted to sleep in her own room so we bought her a twin bed, she picked out the bedding, etc. etc. She was back in our bed every night after that lol

 

A couple of weeks ago we finally decided to start moving our furniture over to the new house. DP set up DD's bed in her room (she had never slept in it) and she ADORES it. She's been in it every night since, completely her choice. She has slept thru the night most nights with a couple of calls on other nights where she wants to be covered up or something. The first couple of nights it was so odd for us...we felt really sad actually. Now we're grateful it happened so easily as the new baby will be here soon and will sleep between us. Now we just need to move our own king bed from the old house and sleep will be a whole new experience with all the changes!

post #242 of 575

pokey - So cute!  He looks like a little you.  And all that hair!  Amazing.  Can't wait to meet him.  And thanks for the tip about the pump sale!  We will have to head over there this weekend, and the little hand pump Kaiser gives you is super annoying.  

post #243 of 575

I'm not sure if we've covered this before...

but, I want to throw out a QOTWeekend...

 

How did your family decide who would carry your child(ren)?  

 

We've switched off (me first, her second) and going into TTC we knew that we'd each carry one.  We initially tried with DW solely because she's a couple of years older, but infertility/mental health issues (caused by clomid) reared and we switched to me.  Then after DS1 we switched back to DW and now have DS2...

 

And, since we are 99%sure we would like to TTC #3 in 1-2 years, we are trying to figure out how to "pick" who's uterus is up next...

 

I am less whiny about being pregnant than DS, but she rocked birth (minus the placenta bit) and enjoys nursing (which I was meh about, but committed to).  So in a perfect, fantasy, world--I'd be pregnant, DW would birth the baby, I'd birth the placenta, DW would nurse...but since that doesn't exist...

 

Flip a coin?

post #244 of 575
LOL, that sounds great, wishin'!

In my family, it was decided that I'd carry this & any future child, simply because my DP feels that pregnancy doesn't fit with her gender. After hearing from so many folks who've struggled with the question, I'm relieved that it was never an issue for us... Even as a part of me is sad that DP won't be genetically related to our kids & I'll never get to support her through a pregnancy.

A great QOTW!
post #245 of 575
Thread Starter 
Lol, I got stuck with it. I wanted to adopt, but I was young and fertile so we took the easy way out. I had more job flexibility and a less physically demanding job the first go round. The big kids' mama didn't get pregnant easily and was supporting us financially while I was in school, so I got pregnant a second time. Sara wasn't ready (she was literally waiting for a birthday) when we started TTC with S. We actually weren't together long enough that we were TTC as a couple at the beginning of that round of TTC. I had started down the road to adoption, but couldn't continue down it with such a new partner and she was unwilling before giving birth. She wants to carry any future kids.
post #246 of 575
Carmen- glad the sleep stuff is working out! I can't imagine cosleeping with kids of different ages, though I know plenty of people do.

Qotd- it's all me for pregnancy and birth. DP has never wanted to be pregnant, even when she was dating men. She says that she always knew she would have kids in her life, and also that she wouldn't bear them. I didn't mind, and actually kind of liked it, so it was an easy choice. We talk some about using her eggs, but it would cost about $7000 to do it, and so far that has seemed like a lot of money for something that feels to us like a novelty at this point. I am open to it, though, and have told her that the door is open for that or for her to carry if she ever changes her mind.
post #247 of 575

My DP really wanted to be pregnant in her life....she always thought she would. I on the other hand didn't want to until I was about 30 and then I realized I really wanted to as well. By the time we met and were together for a couple of years my DP was showing signs of early peri-menopause and thought she was "too old" to carry so it defaulted to me. I wasn't disappointed at being the pregnant one but I do wish my DP could have experienced it in this lifetime as well. She truly seems at peace with it though which is amazing to me.

post #248 of 575
QOTW -Before DSp came out to me as trans/genderqueer, I was all for being the NGP for the next one. I really wanted her to be able to experience it. But when I mentioned it one time, she was so very disinterested (now I know why!). Now that we have settled into our roles in our relationship, I have realized that I am quite happy that I won't have to share the child-bearing. I'm sure I would have okay with it if DSp wanted to, and maybe it's a little selfish of me to not want to share, but still, I am glad...
post #249 of 575

Easy answer at our house ... the only stirrups my genderqueer partner would ever deign to put her feet into would be on a motorcycle or a horse.  No way no how would she ever be pregnant.

I honestly don't know how I'd be in a relationship where it was a choice / decision.  I'm pretty selfish about being the gestational mama, but perhaps that's because I already am?  She has such an awesome parental relationship with the kids too, so that's not the issue.  She's definitely the favourite parent most often.  And heck, neither of us are genetically related to them.

 

Speaking of, we spent the weekend hanging out with the kids' siblings ... so neat to see them play like a heap of puppies together! 

 

Carmen ... are we on for this week?  Or do you have a imminent birthing situation, mama?

post #250 of 575
QOTD- I had convinced DP to try to carry before we were married and he transitioned. We slowly discovered it was not going to happen for medical reasons and he started his transition. Now we have our lovely boy through adoption and we could not be happier.

Aiden slept for 7 hours last night! I am in heaven today. I actually feel rested and can't believe it. I even cooked today, a stock pile of pasta to eat over the next few days! joy.gif
post #251 of 575
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by starling&diesel View Post

Easy answer at our house ... the only stirrups my genderqueer partner would ever deign to put her feet into would be on a motorcycle or a horse.  No way no how would she ever be pregnant.

 

LOL, I've never had my feet in stirrups related to procreation. Not to get pregnant, not to get checked. My feet were on the floor for the first two births and on the dashboard for my last.

post #252 of 575
Quote:
Originally Posted by starling&diesel View Post

Carmen ... are we on for this week?  Or do you have a imminent birthing situation, mama?

 

Yep, Thursday, 10 at LN :) I'm officially "on call" as of Wednesday for induction though so a 1 in 6 chance I won't be joining you all!

post #253 of 575
Max, seven hours?!? Jealous!

QOTD: My DP (who is trans) would sooner swim with hungry crocodiles than bear a child. We talked once about me carrying his eggs, but it seemed like a lot of money and hassle. I would like to have adopted number two, but we're currently in a state with shifty laws. I thought maybe we could adopt number three someday, after we get new jobs in less repressive locales, but then we had our queer oops and had two and three together. Now we are DONE for ourselves, though I would consider carrying a baby for my best friend and his partner.

AFU, the twins turned three months this weekend! Where is the time going?!? I'm back at work, which is sort of nice (grown up conversation) and sort of exhausting (sleep? what sleep?), and of course, I miss the babies all day. My DP is currently out of town spending time with his dad, who has cancer, so I've been solo parenting three kids. And working. Luckily my mom is here helping. Next weekend I'm flying cross country with all thee kids, by myself, to join DP. And no, there is not a direct flight. Wish me luck!

Breastfeeding has been pretty up and down. I'm BFAR (breast feeding after a reduction), so my supply is super low. The twins almost exclusively had bottles for the first five or six weeks, and I was pumping all the time. Then, at the moment that I said eff it, I'm done, they miraculously latched on and started nursing. So, now I only pump when I'm at work, and I nurse them when I'm home. They need bottles afterwards still, so I don't think they get that much milk from me, but I do feel my breasts get less full after they nurse, so they're getting SOMETHING. I'm still dealing with some soreness on one side- trying to be vigilant about good latches. Being at work is exhausting because they go to bed soon after I get home, so the middle of the night is the only time I have to nurse them. Nursing both (I'm not coordinated enough to tandem yet) and then feeding both bottles takes about an hour. Several times in the night. Yawn...

Here are some pics:
post #254 of 575
Thread Starter 
Knitting, you got them to latch? That's awesome! Would a lactaid or SNS make night feedings faster somehow? I mean, if you are giving them both anyway? You don't even have to heat it. It warms to body temp through the thin little tubes. Tandem in the double football is probably easiest. My boys won't do it that way anymore, but they fight less that way. Currently my guys lay alongside me while I lay on my back or S sits on my lap and S2 sits on his lap, but not at night.
post #255 of 575
Quote:
Originally Posted by seraf View Post

Knitting, you got them to latch? That's awesome! Would a lactaid or SNS make night feedings faster somehow? I mean, if you are giving them both anyway? You don't even have to heat it. It warms to body temp through the thin little tubes. Tandem in the double football is probably easiest. My boys won't do it that way anymore, but they fight less that way. Currently my guys lay alongside me while I lay on my back or S sits on my lap and S2 sits on his lap, but not at night.


I know lots of folks like the SNS and/or Lact-Aid. I tried both and I just hate them. And, it took my kids FOREVER to nurse through one. I decided I wanted breastfeeding to be a natural thing (pop kid on boob, not fussing with tubes, tape, etc.), even if that meant doing bottles afterwards.

post #256 of 575
Thread Starter 
Cool enough, tigers, I was just thinking about speed. While we used tape a decade ago, I've been reading about people just sliding it in the corner of baby's mouth more recently. I know larger tubing and raising the milk higher are supposed to increase the speed, but since I have no direct experience I don't really know. I think bottles are easier than tubes, I was just thinking about doing it all tandem in one step to speed it up. I do know people with singletons who are up feeding for an hour, so you're not going all that slow.
post #257 of 575
*
Photo of Aiden today, resting in my front carrier while I tried to get some work done.Sheepish.gif
post #258 of 575
Thread Starter 
Max, he's beautiful. How big is he now? What is your tattoo?
post #259 of 575
Seraf- He is five weeks old and about 9 lbs now. His head is in the 90% percentile and this rest of his body about 35%. My tattoo says "yes, definitely", a message from the magic 8 ball for DP and I when we were deciding if we should live in the same state and start a relationship. stillheart.gif
post #260 of 575
Oh, max! What a little squidge! I wouldn't be able to get anything done with that much cuteness around!
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