This has been an issue for the past 2 mother's days. The first occurred when DS was only 7 days old and my personal space had already been bulldozed down with too many visits from relatives and curious folks intent on "meeting" DS. Anyhow, my wishes were ignored and I was forced to spend mother's day 2011 celebrating my first mother's day in the way my own mother wished.
Last year, I was very upfront about wanting to spend mother's day with just DS and DH. My parents informed me that I was being "selfish" and that they were coming to visit. I was very hurt by the fact that they would not listen to me, and when they arrived I was impolite and basically ignored them until they decided to leave. This has been my best strategy over the years to getting my way on an issue, but I don't like it. I would like to have my choices respected from the start, rather than having to resort to passive-aggressive behavior.
Every single mother's day growing up was spent doing whatever my mother wanted, and I always went along with it. I never forgot the day, always had a card and present ready for my mom, and went along with what my mother wanted to do... I am an only child and my mom likes to try to make me feel guilty on EVERY holiday because "you're my only child", so I should feel obligated to spend the day with my parents.
Obviously, this was in no way my decision. I can remember being bullied in to walking for my high school graduation (I am painfully shy and would have preferred to skip walking) because it would be the only chance my parents had to see such a thing. I sobbed the whole graduation ceremony because I was so depressed about it.
I am rather dreading mother's day this year. Stating my preference to spend the day with my family is of no importance to my mother, and rational arguments do not seem to have an effect on her.
Any ideas on how I can peacefully and assertively communicate with my mother?
Edited by mamapigeon - 5/5/13 at 5:37pm