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Weekly Chat - May 7 to May 13

post #1 of 92
Thread Starter 

Continued from here:

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1382465/weekly-chat-april-29th-may-6th/60#post_17350076

 

So... 20 weeks for me this week! So excited. We're doing the detailed ultrasound tomorrow which makes me even more excited because hopefully this very active baby will show off their very active activeness for my husband too.

This may be a first-timeer thing but is anyone else dealing with a LOT of unsolicited advice? I don't mind it most of the time and I've given a pass to the most constant offender, a friend of mine who had a baby 6 months ago, because from him it's coming across as "let me tell you about this new strange thing I discovered about babies! phrased as advice!". But the older ladies at work are driving me nuts. EVERYTHING they have told me that "the books never tell you!" has been in a book or online, or somewhere, and I don't even read that many pregnancy books!

post #2 of 92
Are you a FTM? I would look at them while they talked then sing a song in my head so I wasn't actually listening. I hate unsolicited advice. Every situation is different.
post #3 of 92
NVM. You are a FTM. smile.gif It's bad, but it doesn't stop. Now that I'm pregnant with #2, I hear all the horror stories about raising two under 2. O.o
post #4 of 92

I know what you're talking about. The hard thing for me is to stay pleasant and keep in mind that they're only doing it with the best intentions and because they wish you well. But I do feel like it takes away from it being MY experience, not anyone else's, not according to a schedule or a book etc.

And why is it suddenly everyone's business? Just because it's visible?

I think in the age of the internet and instant access to information there aren't anymore secrets about pregnancy but that might be harder for older generations to grasp.

The one lady I will happily take advice from is my client who just had #9, I consider her an expert.

post #5 of 92
This is #5 for me, and when I'm out with my toddler and/or preschooler, or alone, I get a lot of unsolicited advice. I try to get in as quickly as possible that its my 5th, because that usually cuts it off pretty quick. wink1.gif

I think most women really just feel an automatic kinship, and that they have some unspoken duty to share their "knowledge" and experience. Lol
post #6 of 92

so much unsolicited advice.  it has been coming since i told people i was pregnant and just changes in themes.  first it was doctor and morning sickness related.  now it is due date and delivery related.  soon i'm sure it will be parenting related.

 

also, the other day i was walking down the street to the bus stop when an older woman i had never seen before stopped in front of me, grabbed her belly, and barked, "Have they told you what it is yet?  It's a boy, right?"  Ummm...maybe a "hello" first, not to mention NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

post #7 of 92

i have mostly only gotten unsolicited advice from other twin moms and family members who are cursed with the burden of knowing EVERYTHING. most moms of singletons kind of jawdrop and freak out about the concept of twins instead of offering advice, which is fine. i feel the same way. 

 

we had a follow-up 'high level' ultrasound today. my MIL came so we could have a mother's day celebration/dinner with her. it was a pretty sweet day. the twins were being hella cute. there was some flipping and kicking and running around. It was weird/awesome to feel a big kick or thump and then see it a split second later on the machine. for a while, they took turns kicking each other in the head. then, they cuddled up next to each other and Baby A laid his head on Baby B's chest ---- which was basically the most magical moment of my entire pregnancy so far. Baby A was head-down when we started the ultrasound, but by the end he was in a totally different position. it's really too early to worry about him being head-down, although his position at the time of birth is the defining moment so it's hard not to get hung up on it. they otherwise look great. they are still giant - 83rd and 79th percentiles - which is excellent at this point. 

post #8 of 92
I imagine big twins is good, since they usually come out sooner!
I also know a mom who went into labor with a breech twin... After the first one delivered, the second twin turned, like it was just waiting because it didn't have enough room or something.
post #9 of 92

Bought a second hand Moby wrap yesterday, and we really wanted to try it out. But since there's no baby, we just grabbed the closest things we found ROTFLMAO.gif

 

 

post #10 of 92

So cute!

I think it's a good policy for the weekly chat thread starter to put a link at the end of the old chat to direct people to the new one.  I'm finding out about this new thread about 25 hours after being posted, and I've still been reading the old thread all that time, from my subscriptions, since I don't always come to the DDC main page.

 

Anyhoo, no one is giving me advice.  I'm having a hard time not coming across as BTDT know it all to my fiance since he has no kids and this is my third.  I sorta feel like I have my 'style' with parenting babies and little ones pretty much set, after a 5 year or so process when I was young when I had my first two in quick secession.  I know how to maximize my own sleep, make life easiest for me and my babe(s), and how I like to cloth diaper, babywear, etc....  It was a learning curve but honestly came pretty naturally and quickly with #1 and it is now one of the most important values I hold (how I mother), so I am not the most open minded person about new approaches.


My partner would of course like to be considered as an equal voter in decisions involving this child, but I can't help but say, "Yeah of course, except that...." and add all sorts of caveats about how I'm not a mom who would have any use for a crib, or the exact vax schedule used locally, or feeding schedules or pacifiers or.... fill in the blank.  I mean, there are a few things are really NOT up for negotiation in my book.  It would take a major major convincing argument for me to even consider radically changing strong viewpoints.  He has no kids and no viewpoints yet and I want him to learn on his own with an actual baby what kind of fathering choices feel most right to him without my drastically pushing my own POV but.... how do I keep quiet about issues I feel really strongly about?

post #11 of 92

MrsandMrs; that sounds like a lovely day!

 

Chispita; those photos are epic, I love your cats.

 

I'm having a really hard time with my daughter at the moment. Her behaviour has changed so much recently, and for the worse. I have no idea how to deal with a demanding, badly behaving child because she's always been so nice and calm! We can't get her into her own bed, and she's being a complete pain at bedtime now as well. I'm also having a lot of trouble being patient with her and am far more prone to getting angry at her. She's driving us both mad and I just don't know how to deal with her greensad.gif

 

On a positive note, I'm still really motivated. I've been exercising lots and I've been doing a lot of productive things like tidying and cleaning. I think it might be mostly due to cutting sugar out of my diet, but I am feeling completely normal and am finally really enjoying being pregnant.

post #12 of 92

Ladies...I need tips. I am SO.FRIGGIN.STRESSED. My ~2 year old is driving me batty. She's a good kid, don't get me wrong but UGH she just stresses me out. I could really use a glass  bottle of wine right now and it's not even 5pm. The things she does aren't even BAD, I'm just a basket case I suppose. For instance, today she wanted to take a walk. Just like every other day, she wants to take a walk. Ugh fine. It had stopped raining so we get dressed and go outside. For one block everything is fine, then she starts stopping on each sidewalk square to touch and scrape it and ask "Oh what's this?" It's cute the first few time but after awhile it starts grating on my nerves. And I try to encourage her to keep walking, but she just stops and waits for me to walk ahead and stop for her. If I wasn't hormonal this would be fine, but I KNOW my hormones are the problem here and making me short tempered with her. 

 

I hate it. I hate myself for getting angry about something SO STUPID.

 

So on the days when you are super stressed, how do you unwind and let it go? 

post #13 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by nettlesoup View Post

MrsandMrs; that sounds like a lovely day!

 

Chispita; those photos are epic, I love your cats.

 

I'm having a really hard time with my daughter at the moment. Her behaviour has changed so much recently, and for the worse. I have no idea how to deal with a demanding, badly behaving child because she's always been so nice and calm! We can't get her into her own bed, and she's being a complete pain at bedtime now as well. I'm also having a lot of trouble being patient with her and am far more prone to getting angry at her. She's driving us both mad and I just don't know how to deal with her greensad.gif

 

On a positive note, I'm still really motivated. I've been exercising lots and I've been doing a lot of productive things like tidying and cleaning. I think it might be mostly due to cutting sugar out of my diet, but I am feeling completely normal and am finally really enjoying being pregnant.

We must have the same child. I didn't talk about our bedtime/naptime woes in my post, but ugh I am so there with you. How old is your girl? I have no advice, just commiseration. *hug*

post #14 of 92

katalopolis - It's usually a FTM mom thing.  It's well-meaning in the sense that if motherhood is a club, they're trying to welcome you into it in their own warped way, but you're right, it comes off across a little haughty.  I'm on pregnancy 3 now so they already know I'm a total parenting slob GODDESS and usually leave me alone.

 

Mama Ana - It sucks.  I want to give you a big hug.  You too, nettlesoup.  Really, anyone who is having a rough go of it with their existing children for whatever reason (their crazy age or our crazy hormones).  I'll confess it's been a rough two weeks with both my kids.  DD1 went to the ER two Thursdays ago for slipping in the tub and biting through her lip and then last Thursday, both girls came down with the stomach flu (again) and I am emetophobic in a pretty strong way, and then last night, DD2 just WOULD NOT SLEEP for whatever reason and I lost my temper and had to put her in another room with the door shut because I couldn't deal with it even after taking a deep breath and everything.  When she came out, she was sniffling all through the first two hours of sleep because it really hurt her feelings, but I know I failed some parenting test then and needed to start anew.

 

chispita - Those photos are stellar, and your cat rocks for holding still.  I especially love the serious/introspective face of your DH in the second photo!

 

I am feeling a little roller coaster-y this week.  Lots of things got accomplished last week (until the stomach whatever took some of us down) and this week it's just.....stopped.  I chalk it up to finally recognizing that despite the pediatrician saying to "wait and see" about DD2's speech issues, I think she's speech delayed and I referred her to Early Intervention for services.  It'll be two weeks until we find out anything about scheduling her evaluation and I need to take a sabbatical from Google about apraxia because I see myself going through the 5 stages of grief.  Last night I was mad and bargaining....someone posted information how doctors think it's hereditary and I felt extremely guilty about being pregnant with a third when it was our genetics that hosed our second.  Then I was bargaining (with whom, I don't even know, I'm pagan and not a deist) that DS wouldn't struggle the way DD2 does because I think my struggle with her lack of communication led me to losing my temper in the aforementioned room-putting incident.  So the rest of the days I've just been a depressed non-productive slob.

 

Bonus point in my parenting today though: I really wanted to just get the girls some quick lunch and put them down for a nap (we got up early to take DD1 to the dentist for her checkup) but DD1 REALLY wanted to "eat outside" in our pretty little downtown area and while I was originally just thinking, "Just eat your McDonalds and be happy!" I changed my mind and took them to the little mom-and-pop hotdog restaurant and got them gourmet corndogs and we counted cars and colored drawing sheets at the outside patio table.  So despite me feeling like a crap mom, I felt a little proud I at least did something.

post #15 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by CDsMom1031 View Post

I imagine big twins is good, since they usually come out sooner!
I also know a mom who went into labor with a breech twin... After the first one delivered, the second twin turned, like it was just waiting because it didn't have enough room or something.

 

 

yes! big twins at this point is very good. they will slow down a lot at 28 or 30 weeks as they run out of room, so we're hoping to front-load a lot of their growth in the earlier weeks. i have heard some crazy stories about twin births. the second baby often changes position when the first one is out! my doc says that as long as they can grab Baby B, they will reach in and get him, whether he is breech or some other weird position. if he is transverse with his back facing out, though, there may be nothing to hold onto and, well, that would suck. 

post #16 of 92

chispita, your cats are so patient and accommodating. my cats are would probably murder me in my sleep if i tried to get them in a moby.


Edited by mrsandmrs - 5/9/13 at 11:56pm
post #17 of 92
Thread Starter 

Thanks ladies. I think I was just frustrated that morning because I'm a pretty private person and having someone tell me loudly all about how I should remember to practice my kegels so that the entire workroom could hear got to me a little.

 

chispita - those pictures are amazing! My cat wouldn't tolerate that all and I'd get scratched up for my troubles. Also, the cat in the second picture looks a lot like my friend's cat that I did a double-take for a second.

post #18 of 92

They're pretty easygoing - they didn't like being in the carrier, but they didn't complain much about it. They were the ideal models since they weigh about 7 lbs twins.gif

post #19 of 92
Bought my first ever wrap yesterday! I swear I'll be running to the post office twice a day from now until it arrives. I'm SO FREAKING EXCITED. This is the one I bought: http://www.birdiesroom.com/p-861-indio-blaze-glut.aspx For those of us in Canada, I found the prices on this site very good compared to other sites and even a lot of the babywear swap groups. And shipping from them to me in Saskatchewan was $5.

I already have a ring sling, Mei Tai, and a Boba 3G, but I've been really wanting a wrap for a while as I found the Mei Tai and Boba too warm for summer use and not great for the newborn stage. The ring sling was fine but DS was so big that it quickly got uncomfortable to carry him supported on only one shoulder. Wraps are so expensive though that I've been humming and hawing over spending the money on one for a long time. But a lady on my DS's DDC has the exact same wrap I ordered and she says it's plenty strudy enough to carry her 30 lb toddler, so I may even be able to use it with my DS a bit! If I can convince him to stay still long enough to let me practice wrapping him in it...

Anyway I'm very excited if you can't tell so that's my big thing for the week joy.gif
post #20 of 92

That is such a pretty wrap, Livingsky!

I'm looking out for the perfect wrap; I would like a Didymos wrap the most, so I'm looking out for new limited edition ones. I already have a mei tai which I love, and also a Maya wrap which I find to be a bit too stretchy.

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