I am a SAHM to 3 kids: 10 yr old DD and 3 yr old twins. I work part time from home, but make very little. Basically grocery money. I spend most of my time taking care of kids and the house. I did 95 percent of the child care... The only time my STBX did anything with them was when I had a PTO or Scout meeting with my oldest DD.
He filed for a divorce immediately, which shocked me. Our marriage was not perfect, but whose is? I checked in with him often... In the months before he left he did have stress, worked at home at night a lot and fell asleep on the couch a lot. He blamed everything on work stress. Then a week before he left, his coworker hung himself and he took it hard. He left the day of the memorial service for the suicide guy. He said i had to see it coming but I didnt because he always said he was fine, that it was work. He said he did not want this life and that he was afraid he'd end up like the dead guy. Yay for me... Didn't know I was so horrible to live with, considering he never had to do much around the house and he napped, played golf and watched sports whenever he wanted. I even made his lunch and coffee every morning and often started his car in the winter.
In hindsight, of course, there are many issues, but he was never honest with me. He does not want counseling. He gives me money to pay the bills and comes to see the kid 3x per week for a few hours. He has taken the oldest out a few times.
My question is this: how do you get over the vision you had for your life? I know I will need to work more and that's sad for me: I love taking care of my kids and home all the time. My STBX also wants to take the kids away on vacation and I am having a hard time with the idea of my 3 yr old twins going, as they have never been away from me and my DS is especially attached to me. They don't get what us going on, they are in the middle of potty training and then there is my worry about them with him at the beach. They are a handful. And he has never taken them anywhere alone ever. My oldest would be OK, although I would miss her terribly. I think having to hand over my kids for visits will be the worst, but he has not asked for much of that yet.
I need some words of encouragement. The past 3 months have been so hard on my now-smaller family. I know it will get better but it's so hard to see the light right now.