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- productProtecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)tagged by mamazee, 5/8/13
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What would you do if you suspected your pediatrician of being a pedophile? - Page 2post #21 of 385/15/13 at 12:58pmHe is likely just unprofessional, but I agree if your daughter is uncomfortable AT ALL she should not see him. You could talk to the office manager so that he can be tactfully made aware of how he is being percieved, or you could just request a female only for your daughter. He wouldnt be offended. Once kids, boys or girls, get older, i personally prefer female peds anyway. Also as mentioned you wont need to take her in as much as the baby.post #22 of 385/15/13 at 4:53pmI think you'll gain a helpful (to say the least) perspective if you read The book 'Protecting the Gift' by Gavin De Becker for this situation with the Ped and others in the future. The author's bottom line is, as a mother you are given an instinct about protecting your child that no one else has quite the same, listen to it. Even in the event you are incorrect about this specific person, it is better safe than sorry. I understand how difficult it is to find a vax flexible Ped but I do think in this case your instinct is speaking loud and clear.
The link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0440509009/ref=redir_mdp_mobilepost #23 of 385/15/13 at 5:16pm
It doesn't matter whether he's really a pedophile (well, it does, but not in terms of whether you should change doctors). He makes you and your daughter uncomfortable. I'd switch to a different doctor in the practice or switch practices altogether.
I used to work for a doctor's office when I was in high school. He was very nice, a very good doctor, but I didn't use him b/c I worked for him. When I started college, he had taken on a business partner and since I trusted his judgment, I started using his partner as my PCP. He was SUCH a nice guy, all the nurses and office staff and patients loved him and were so happy to have two great doctors in the practice. He was not at all how you describe your kids' doctor, although I never knew much about his personal life beyond that he was homosexual and had a long-term partner. He was just NICE. And then shortly after I had an appointment with him, he was gone. A teenaged boy accused him of inappropriate touching, and then came several more accusations from boys ranging in age from 8 to teens. I was horrified. No one in the office could believe it was true, but he was asked to leave while the investigation was going on, and he finally admitted to being a pedophile and never came back.
So you never know, and you don't always have a weird vibe or gut feeling to back you up. If you are having one, follow it, regardless of how likely you are to be right.post #24 of 385/15/13 at 9:03pmFor most of this, I'm inclined to give the benefit of the doubt. The YouTube channel i'd just assume he didn't know was so easy to find, for example.
However, I would report the stuff that was relevant to his practice - him recording her is definitely overstepping professional boundaries and quite possibly violating HIPAA. He and his practice need to know that this is happening and not appropriate.
I also agree that if your daughter is uncomfortable with him you should switch, at least for her, regardless of whether he has any bad intentions.post #25 of 385/16/13 at 3:47pm
To expand a little on my answer from last night...
You are not doing this doctor a favor by not addressing this. Maybe it is totally innocent - he's old enough that he likely went through med school back in the good old days when HIPAA didn't exist and people were less paranoid in general. If so, he needs to know that times have changed and he's crossing boundaries before someone less concerned about him personally goes and reports it to CPS or something.
And if he is a pedophile, you aren't doing the community (or, in the big scheme of things, the doctor himself) any favors by not addressing it. This is how repeat offenders get away with it - parents observant enough to suspect/know something is up don't do anything for fear of hurting the offender.
Send a letter to the practice explaining that you are switching doctors because you and your child are uncomfortable with this doctor, and describe the things that happened between the doctor and your daughter. Just tell what happened, with specific dates if possible - don't speculate, don't include things from his personal life.
If he's just a music enthusiast, he will hopefully get the wakeup call he needs. If he's more than that, you're helping stop him.post #26 of 385/16/13 at 6:10pmpost #27 of 385/16/13 at 6:37pm
I think it's incredibly inappropriate that he called you at home and spoke to her on the phone. I also think he crossed another huge boundary by asking to record her voice for his personal use. I can't believe I am the only one who thinks this is way out of line.
Even if that stuff didn't happen, he is stillI too touchy feely....and a bit unprofessional. I think that alone would annoy me after a while.post #28 of 385/16/13 at 6:40pmpost #29 of 385/16/13 at 7:24pmpost #30 of 385/16/13 at 8:45pmpost #31 of 385/16/13 at 8:55pm
That doctor's behavior is incredibly disturbing. Stroking your daughter's ponytail is very inappropriate. Recording your daughter's voice and talking to your daughter on the phone is also very inappropriate. All of the aspects of his behavior are inappropriate. And he went to med school with a sex offender. Many people that are involved in beauty pageants are pervs. He is a creep. Not to mention he made your daughter uncomfortable. The fact that he made her uncomfortable is another given! I would not take her back to this man for any more checkups. Switch to a different doctor if you want to protect her. He will not be offended. Do not feel bad about switching. You do not need to be polite to creeps.post #32 of 385/16/13 at 9:30pmQuote:Originally Posted by jmarroq
I think it's incredibly inappropriate that he called you at home and spoke to her on the phone. I also think he crossed another huge boundary by asking to record her voice for his personal use. I can't believe I am the only one who thinks this is way out of line.that alone would annoy me after a while.
I don't think you are, I am not getting the feeling at all from what is written here that you are the only one. But I'm glad you have spoken up.post #33 of 385/16/13 at 10:11pmpost #34 of 385/20/13 at 10:58am
It does sound to me like a flamboyant, socially-awkward gay man who is into pageants and has a daughter of his own. I can see lots of reasons why he acts the way he does, human beings are weird, why does this seem to be such a foreign idea? I do not know, but I would switch because if you have to ask, then I think you already know the answer, you are uncomfortable and there has to be a better fit. The new doctor will be a weirdo in their own way, but hopefully they will be your kind of weirdo!
LOL, good luck!post #35 of 385/20/13 at 11:00amQuote:Originally Posted by slpj
That doctor's behavior is incredibly disturbing. Stroking your daughter's ponytail is very inappropriate. Recording your daughter's voice and talking to your daughter on the phone is also very inappropriate. All of the aspects of his behavior are inappropriate. And he went to med school with a sex offender. Many people that are involved in beauty pageants are pervs. He is a creep. Not to mention he made your daughter uncomfortable. The fact that he made her uncomfortable is another given! I would not take her back to this man for any more checkups. Switch to a different doctor if you want to protect her. He will not be offended. Do not feel bad about switching. You do not need to be polite to creeps.
Also. I have to say that I am a very touchy feely person, I love kids and am absent mindedly affectionate towards them, things like stroking hair don't seem like red flags to me on their own. If the doctor were a woman would that seem weird? I am just asking. I think I fit a lot of the abstract characteristics outlined by the OP in the original post, things like calling children endearing terms like angels etc., I'm eccentric, I have a daughter and I have possibly what could be considered unusual hobbies. I feel like it is more about the vibe the OP is getting off this person than it is one action or another...post #36 of 385/20/13 at 11:09am
Yeah I don't think he is a pedophile but I do think he makes you and your family uncomfortable and that should be enough to switch. I think it probably has more to do with her shy personality that he is trying to smother with niceness. My experience is that child molesters are usually much more secretive, quiet and want alone time with the child. But that doesn't mean she should continue to see him.
Also the him going to school with a molester is not a good indicator as somewhere around 1 in 20 men will molest a child.post #37 of 385/29/13 at 2:58pm
The behavior is definitely abnormal for a pediatrician, but you have not set any boundaries either, so he might have no idea how you feel. If you are uncomfortable, I would switch to one of the female doctors and say your daughter has voiced that she would be more comfortable with one of the female doctors.post #38 of 385/29/13 at 4:38pm
I highly recommend also that you read the book Protecting the Gift by Gavin De Becker. It really is about listening to our intuition. If it was me, and I had any concern about my child's doctor in this way, we would not continue to have him as our children's doctor. I would hope that I would not care what others thought, but followed my own intuition.. It is also a valuable lesson for the child in modelling listening to one's own intuition/instincts.
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