I have been a member of mothering for a long time, but rarely have posted. I have gone through a very difficult few months and suddenly remembered that here, on mothering.com, I would probably find others who will understand my feelings right now. I stumbled across this forum, saw the other thread about pelvic organ prolapse support, and knew I was in the right place. If it is ok, I would like to share my story because right now I hurt
My six year old son was born in a teaching hospital, induced at 41 weeks, IV, pitocin, forced counted pushing. 45 short minutes into pushing the female ob inserted her fingers into my vagina, two on each side, and ripped me open in lieu of a standard episiotomy. Nine pounds, one ounce. All of this was to birth my son before the shifts changed. We didn't quite make it. He was born at 7 pm. I wasn't guessing at that, btw. I heard her say it. I was in such horrible shock I lay there stunned with my legs open for a long time. The baby went on his trip around the room and it was a good 20 minutes before I held him. Bonding took months. Breastfeeding was horrible but I was stubborn and we did it for eight months, ppd was longer lasting.
Fast forward three years, and blessedly pregnant again, I insisted on a midwife, doula, no IV, no interventions, and it worked just beautifully. I didn't even push, the contractions squeezed him out just fine. Bonding was instantaneous, bf a breeze. Ppd still struck but I was prepared.
Ok, so I thought, that was history. My kids are now 6 and 3. In February this year, all of a sudden, my uterus fell out. It went from in place to out in my vagina in about 3 hours. My cervix was showing in the vagina, my uterus was wedged neatly where a tampon should go. I had not realized it, but I had been ignoring the small signs of impending prolapse for some time. They are very subtle!
The gynecologist said at this stage, fourth degree prolapse, you can do a pessary, or hysterectomy. I had no desire to try the pessary, so we scheduled surgery. I must say, I have acclimated over the years to the term "hysterectomy" but it is major surgery. I also had a cystocle and needed a sling to fix my incontinence. I went and did it because I could barely walk, let alone function as is! My doula had suggested physical therapy, and I know it is a good choice, but the costs were way out of my reach. But it is life changing surgery, six to eight weeks off, no lifting, no sex, I can't care for my kids etc.
Anyway, for some reason, I hadn't stopped to ask the big question at first- why? Now, it is pretty clear. That doctor who ripped me, forced me to push, pumped me full of fluids, she did this to me, didn't she? I am starting to look for other women who are in my situation, relatively young (41) and had such a thing happen for maybe the same reasons.
Sorry this is so long. I just feel traumatized all over again,