I definitely am a perfectionist, have been my whole life. But now that I am pregnant, it is to the point of mental illness I would say, and I think maybe I can get a hold of it, I just really need some advice and support. I can't stick with any of my decisions, change my mind so many times, and I am driving my husband nuts! I have bought 3 couches in the past year (sold the ones I decided weren't working on craigslist) and still am not totally satisfied with the one we have, to the point that I spend all day obsessing over which way the chaise should flip. Yes, I have back issues and the flow of the room is important, but I need to let go of perfection, and it really seems like I "can't." I try to, and I want to (desperately).....but then I try to let it go, and something about the couch (or whatever) will just grate at me, to the point I'm convinced it needs to change (granted, in some cases the changes do make sense...like switching out a diaper bag that isn't working)....and then (with something like the couch) my anxiety gets really bad, I loose sleep, my breathing gets shallow, etc.....so I cave and make another change, thinking it will make me happy. With the big things, I really go nuts obsessing over whether or not what we have will work, etc etc. Things I don't care as much about, it's easier to make the decision.
I wanted to add that it's not a "selfishness" thing per se, like "buy buy buy/shopaholic"....maybe it is selfish in a way, because I focus on "my" worries, but it's not like I am trying to make something perfect to impress others or for my own vanity. It is moreso just fear that I made the wrong decision and I'm not gonna be happy with what I just chose, because it won't work for our family's everyday life, or it's not what the baby really needs, or it will be a hassle to maintain, or it will leak phthalates into the air, etc. I could care less about superficiality. Wanted to add that.
I just don't know how to deal. I don't know how to accept something that is 80% good, and leave it be. Of course it has been a nightmare picking things out for the baby. I will be a first time mom, and I think I am nesting to the extreme with the house. But then beyond the house, seeking perfection with everything. First time mom jitters to the extreme. This onesie has a zipper that might irritate his skin, it needs to go back. This mattress puffs up a little when pressure is applied, and the cover wrinkles some, let's order another brand and return the least favorite. On, and on, and on.
I think I just don't know how I'll deal as a mom, and so being a perfectionist is how I attempt to exert some kind of control and manage that stress.
I just want to hear from anyone who can relate even a littlle.....how do you not let things bother you?
There are some changes we've made in the past year that needed to be made.....but now I'm just going nuts and not enjoying the last few weeks of my pregnancy.....just obsessing over everything. How do I let go? I keep thinking if I can just get more done, then I can relax, but of course not enough is getting done....it will never be done to my liking, and there are only 3 weeks left! Advice?