First, my daughter is now just over a month old. She was very much wanted by me. My husband had some reservations about the whole "parenting" thing, but was eventually on board and very excited for her arrival. My husband and I met as teenagers and have been together nearly 12 years. We knew our relationship would be different by bringing a tiny person into our lives, we just didn't realize how much things would change.
Our daughter is VERY needy. She cries All.The.Time. She also wants to be held constantly. If we aren't holding her "the right way" she cries. We spend all of her waking time attempting to please her to keep her from crying and praying she'll just go back to sleep. I take care of her around the clock. My husband does not get up with her at night, so my only relief would be when he gets home from work. He can't handle her crying and refuses to, in his eyes, bend over backwards to try to make her happy. So when she starts fussing, he can handle about 15 minutes of it, then gets completely fed up and angry and she's back in my lap. I frequently feel at my wits end. I even scream at her out of stress and frustration. This is not me. I am not that person. I don't even recognize myself anymore.
This is taking a HUGE toll on our marriage. It seems like all we do is bicker. We used to have a good marriage and prided ourselves on the fact that we got along so well with each other. Now, we are either arguing or ignoring each other. Both of us are in such an unhappy place right now, that we aren't trying to work together to be parents or sympathize with the other's feelings of frustration. We have both struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. The stress, lack of sleep, and feelings of failing as parents has thrown us both into a deep depression all over again. We have just been going trough the motions of parenthood, but have had very few happy moments with our daughter. We've both had our fair share of crying spells and breakdown moments. Things seem to be declining so rapidly, and I don't know what to do.
I'm just sort of sitting back and watching as my marriage falls apart. I worry what this does to her, in the middle of all this. I feel terrible because I don't enjoy being her mother. And, I wonder if things will ever get better. I think this may be the beginning of the end.