Our DD started public school in august and the class was beyond bad. We tried to work with the school but they were not flexible, AT ALL. Wouldn't move her from one class to another, wouldn't let her take classes in the next grade... Until the day we filled out the paperwork to switch to another public school. Then suddenly they said they would pull her to the next grade for danish and math. They became flexible only when we were leaving. This was in January, but there was always one activity or another they said later, later.... and it never happened.
Well, she just got a spot at our number 1 choice of private school. It is a great fit for her, and we are thrilled. She starts the week after next. Next friday is her last day at the public school. We asked the teacher if we could bring in cake, and she said sure.
We still live in this neighborhood. Almost all of the kids here go to the public, where her big brother goes (he is staying, his class is acceptable.) She has made some great friends. I want her to be able to keep some of her local friends. I told my husband I was going to write an email to the parents, letting them know friday would be DDs last day, that she had made some good friends and we hoped she could still get together with her friends. DH was like no way, you can't email them. I can't even tell them she is going to private. Unless they specifically ask one of us where she is. Why not? It is anti janteloven. It means we are bragging. Even if I only write "she is changing schools." It is bragging he says, because it indirectly means we have money for private school, that she is going to private school means we don't approve of the public, and it should not be discussed. It is like it is a shameful, dirty secret. We have to leave, and not tell them. Bring in the cake. If any of the parents find out from that, fine.
Not looking for a solution really. I can't change an entire culture. And this is so ingrained it is beyond belief. If a child actually tries at school, and is considered ambitious, they are royally teased for it. Not ambitious in the walk over people way, but ambitious as in quietly doing ones best and not accepting less of oneself. Those that have an inner drive eventually loose it or move to anther country where their skills can be put to good use. Everyone is always equal, in all things, in all ways. (Unfortunately that is not how reality works, but in this tiny nation it is accepted fact.) In the long run if I send an email or not is not that important. Eventually people will find out and hopefully I can find a way that she can still play with some of her local friends. But I have to say UGH. 95% of the time I am happy we are here, but every once in a while Janteloven comes in and rams me in the face. It is f***ing annoying.