I hope I can get some help here. This is the 1 thing that makes me very angry and I haven't had the nerve to sit down and describe the situation in full.
Potty trained by age 3 and doesn't have accidents, perhaps only 1x/month while sleeping. This is something she does on purpose. It started with a long car trip. There was no bathroom in sight and I allowed her to pee in the grass. This was just fantastic to her. She has loved the chance to pee outside at any opportunity. I try to give her opportunities to go pee outside (in the country) to fill this "desire" though it doesn't happen often.
The battle started with a house plant. She was stepping on it to get up to the counter, it started to die, and then she peed in it. She told me about it, I probably became irritated and told her that urine will kill it, and not to use the plant as a toilet. My worst parenting side comes out when she is peeing and pooping everywhere, so I will just be honest about my reactions because I do want to get help. I think we are both suffering and honesty is the best way to get out of this. It's been nearly 2 months since this first incident.
After this the world was an open book. I caught her peeing in the yard. Several times. I'd call her inside not to play outside for the rest of the day (consequence). Other times I'd just tell her that wasn't ok with no consequence. Then she started pooping in the yard. It happened 3 times and I had her pick up the poop like you pick up dog poop. She found this gross and fun. She enjoyed the attention. I explained that you can't poop and pee in the city....something about the city not allowing it (not to mention DCFS) and privacy. No matter.
This behavior ended for about a month, when she resorted to peeing in her clothes, on her bed, on my bed, on the floor. She assumes a "position" and goes. She will usually come right to me and tell me. I have gotten VERY angry and yell/scream things like DON'T PEE ON YOUR CLOTHES. Once I told her (and I know this was the wrongest of wrongwrongwrong doing it WRONG) that she is bad when she pees in her clothes, and don't be bad anymore. Ya, I really did say this about a week ago.
After this act, this blight on my mind, I decided to relax, she has only been potty trained for 1.5 years and it is a phase. It must be that she is trying to tell me something. I started spending more one on one time with her outside (the peeing and pooping outside has decreased but still happening). But she will do it when she is upset about any little thing, or *not upset at all*. We can be connecting and playing, I leave the room, and suddenly, "moommmyyyy, I peed on your bed!"
I decided to stop yelling at her because it was really hurting her. It is just not me to do that. So I haven't yelled in 6 days. I apologized to her and told her we would start spending special days together. She told me that when I yell, instead of yelling I can say to her instead: "Get away from my body." I tried that, and it made her sad and wanted hugs. She didn't want to get away from my body. She just wants me to be sweet, it seems, when she pees on things!!
If I am sweet, consistently, for like 30 more pees, will it dissolve her desire to act like this? Do I HAVE to be sweet? I think anger is warranted when you intentionally damage the house. Please, thoughts. <3 I really do want to take her in love. But the anger and her defiance.