...I have told my son.. that he is not allowed to be grumpy for choices he has made and then not liked. Or, that he can be grumpy, but he can't take it out on me or have it effect things we have to get done as a family...
I feel strongly about...not whining to me about the natural consequence of your poor choice, especially if I have reminded you and strongly suggested a better choice.
So, what do you DO about it? Or what would you do, if your son were grumpy and rude to you, anyway?
Example: One recent school morning, my 14-y-o had no school uniforms because (as it turned out) he had left them all in his gym locker after football practice, even though I have reminded him often to bring them home and put them in the laundry; I bought him a duffle bag specifically to transport clothes to/from practice; and if I ask, he always says his clothes are in his bag. He was sullen and pissed off that I figured out he was responsible for his own problem. He'd been moping around all morning, feeling sorry for himself and assuming I hadn't washed his clothes or had given his clean uniforms to his brothers.
Since he can't go to school without a uniform, I let him borrow one of his older brothers' (who wear the same size), but explained that he could only do it once and had to bring it back (along with his own). I pointed out, if his brothers misplaced all their uniforms, it wouldn't be right for me to give them his until he didn't have anything to wear, either - and it was the same, in reverse. He glared at me and curled his lip.
Then he pointed out he didn't have any shoes, either - again, as though this was someone else's fault and he had been wronged. He had 3 pairs of tennis shoes in his bedroom that still fit fine, but he's grown bored of wearing them. He had a pair of dress shoes he just doesn't like to wear to school. A week before, I had asked if he wanted me to buy him some loafers (or something besides tennis shoes) and he'd said no. The pair of tennis shoes he WANTED to wear, he'd left outside the day before, after playing with the dog, and they were muddy and wet with rain. With conscious patience, I pointed out the choices he'd made (and the ones he still had). He yelled at me in a completely hateful, sarcastic tone, "Thanks for all the HELP!"
Certainly, he SHOULDN'T take his own laziness out on me. But what would you do, in a situation like that, when he did anyway?
Edited by VocalMinority - 10/17/13 at 6:51pm