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The unspoken world of cosleeping

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 

So this is pretty much just my rambling observations...


I had never really given cosleeping much thought.  I had heard the debates and for a long time, when I did bother to think about it, I figured I would prefer bassinet over family bed.  Even so, I had the bassinet right next to my bed like I had observed my mom doing with younger siblings.


Well, my daughter started getting quite fussy at night a few weeks ago, and we sort of just fell into cosleeping in the bed.


Right now, my husband is out of state on active military duty for the summer, so I'm living with my parents.  I was rather afraid my parents would have something bad to say about the cosleeping.  When I mentioned it, they didn't bat an eye and said they had done it all the time with me and my siblings.  


A few conversations with other older women...


Now I'm wondering why those that do/did it are so quiet about it.  Outside of more natural circles, does it just not come up?

post #2 of 17

Because it's "bad", "dangerous", and "spoils" babies. I found out afterwards also many older moms coslept but tried to encourage their own daughters not to. Not sure why that is, unless they had babies who didn't let them sleep well.

post #3 of 17
Thread Starter 

I feel sort of bad because my husband was more willing to than I was.  He would go take a nap and take the baby with him... and I just kept hearing all the horror stories.  Then again, he grew up on a ranch in the middle of nowhere, so he was raised a bit more back to basics.

post #4 of 17

I think it's an instinct that's as old as time and no matter what the famous doctor du jour says, mothers will always want to sleep with their babies.  I know one lady who is almost 70 who wanted to sleep with her baby so badly but her husband refused to allow it.  Only when I mentioned co-sleeping did she admit how she felt.  People were told it was bad and so they kept quiet about it.  This generation to which I belong is much more unapologetically outspoken, especially the women.  My 2 cents, FWIW.

post #5 of 17
Thread Starter 

Granted, I do think the "horror stories" we hear are either rotten luck or stupidity.  When I realized I was becoming a cosleeper, I asked around to how to do it safely.  I love my mom and she has given me much wisdom, but I kind of wish the cosleeping how-to was merely one of many skills mothers pass onto daughters. Isn't that how it should be?

post #6 of 17

My momma, aunties, and mother-in-law all bedshared. We didn't really talk about before we had babies, but it has come up since then. My husband was also against it when we first had our son and I got an Arm's Reach but after almost a week with little sleep and almost having a meltdown, he relented and now wouldn't have it any other way.

post #7 of 17
In the official numbers, a parent who falls asleep while sitting in a rocking chair, trying to rock a child to sleep, is "co-sleeping".
post #8 of 17
Originally Posted by pek64 View Post

In the official numbers, a parent who falls asleep while sitting in a rocking chair, trying to rock a child to sleep, is "co-sleeping".

Thats the kind of cosleeper I am lol. Bed sharing with DH is out for medical reasons and when I'm desperate with a teething/sick toddler and stay in her bed, I wake at every little sound or movement. I really suck at cosleeping and I'm lucky to have a child who sleeps better in her own space. I'm hoping baby #2 will be similar or I'm in for a very tired couple of years.
post #9 of 17

I am not so quiet about co-sleeping with my DD. I tend to mention it within the first minute or so of talking to another mom. I don't exactly mean to. It is a strange compulsive type of sharing. Upon reflection, I realize I am seeking out others who co-sleep because I feel that this practice is out of the ordinary. Or, maybe sometimes I feel like I am doing it all wrong. I want support, validation. Consequently, most other moms that I talk to do not co-sleep. My sense of being negatively judged varies, but overall, the subject seems to be a conversation stopper. A typical response is, "Oh, I could never do that. I need my sleep at night." It is a loaded response filled with assumptions. My own mother, as supportive as she is, told me I was making a "terrible mistake".


The other people that I know who co-sleep do talk about it, but usually with each other. Or online.


Sleeping comes up in all parenting circles. My guess would be that mothers who co-sleep and avoid talking about it do so because they are afraid that they will be negatively judged, or they already have been. For many people, co-sleeping is synonymous with passive parenting, sleeplessness, and increased health risks, even though these concerns are a misinformed. I just read a great article about this in the Huffington Post titled, "Moving Beyond a Biomedical View of Co-sleeping".

Alienation from groups is a very real risk parents face when selecting one body of knowledge over the other. Should they practice cultural traditions, such as co-sleeping, medical and public health officials admonish them as bad or uneducated parents.


Anyway, talking about it, reaching out to other moms, no matter how many times it doesn't go anywhere, is very important. When I was a brand newby mama, my instinct was to co-sleep, but my research left me unsure. I was lucky enough to have a neighbor who co-slept with her two dds. She had a wonderful experience with it and they both transitioned into their own room when they were ready. (She surprised her oldest with a bunk bed for her 5th b-day and both girls wanted to sleep in it from then on. She wasn't expecting the young one (3 yo) to make that choice, but she did.) Because I brought it up, I heard her story and felt much more at ease about my choice.

post #10 of 17
.I don't usually bring it up, just becuz, idk I feel like, who cares? I know I don't care who's cosleeping and who's not. But when ppl ask me if I need a crib, or crib sheets, or bumpers or whatever, I don't hide the fact that I Co sleep. I've actually got 2 LOs in the bed now.... It's a season of life, I'll look back on with fond memories.
post #11 of 17
I don't usually talk about it; however, when I mentioned it to a friend of mine, she revealed she does the same (and, FYI, had no problem getting her kids in their own beds when she felt it was time). I already know several of my family members are very much against it, so I don't bring it up. I avoid talking about it because everyone needs to put in their 2 cents and it annoys me to no end. For example, someone who did find out because she saw the bed rail told me I should "know better" because I'm a psychologist who works with kids. Maybe I DO know better, haha.
post #12 of 17
PP, where did u find a bed rail? I'm on the hunt for 2 and can't seem to find them
post #13 of 17
We got ours at Toys R Us. It has a rail on each side, both of which are removable if you only want a rail on one side. They're adjustable to fit a single, double or queen size bed.
post #14 of 17
man! Toys r us is an hour away, maybe I can order it on toysrus.com
post #15 of 17
Target also has bed rails.
post #16 of 17
Amazon has them. These are the ones we have http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B001VYBK58
post #17 of 17
Thanks, we live in the country, so all I have is Walmart and KMart. How I miss target and the mall *sigh*
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