I've discussed counseling with my mom numerous times, particularly after my brother's situation became so bad in 2007. I suggested we go together. I was really on her case a couple of years ago about how emotionally isolated I felt that she was- which she was EXTREMELY offended by. She says she is perfectly happy. At that point, I realized there is no point in trying to change people who don't want to see what could be going on with them and I try to make the best of our relationship. I'm not so angry with my mom that I want to limit her relationship with DD and I do want them to be close. I really don't want to limit it for selfish reasons as well, because, as I said, she's our most reliable overnight babysitter and losing that would stink.
That said, it's what my instinct is telling me on this (that elements of this relationship could be toxic for DD) that I'm not sure if I can trust given by lack of objectivity here. It was the way she was crying in the car (and I know others wrote that it is normal)..but never in my life have I heard sobbing of that nature from her. Pair that up with my mom's latest comment about how telling DD she needs to wait 10 minutes before Mimi can play with her as potential rejection and it just leaves me wondering. I mean, WTF- telling I child they need to wait 10 minutes is normal behavior. I told my mother that DD seems like she is viewing her as her pet...and this is just weird!! But, even so, is it "toxic"? I just don't know.
I'm coming to the conclusion that maybe DH and I should keep a really close eye on how they interact from now on, and space out the visits a bit more for now (every 2-3 months). My mom is supposed to watch her for 4 nights in August so we can go away for our 10th anniversary..not sure if that is too long to leave them at this point. I