I wanted to get some thoughts from the wise moms on here regarding a couple of issues.
A little bit of background: my DF and I have been together for three years and have lived together for a year and a half. I have a daughter and he has a son. My daughter is with us 100% of the time and his son is with us just under half-time. The kids are just a few months apart in age and are in the same grade at school.
DF's ex-wife is very angry and very, very difficult to co-parent with. She regularly sends DF e-mails criticizing him, threatening legal action, making accusations, or just plain ranting. Although she really doesn't know me at all, she's brought me into it, so I get criticized and accused of things as well. She is manipulative and controlling. Despite this, DF and I choose to greet her pleasantly when we see her and generally be civil toward her. She, on the other hand, flat out refuses to acknowledge us. We see her fairly regularly since the kids attend the same school and since she and her husband coach DSS's soccer team. The kids notice this and my daughter has asked about it on several occasions - things like "Mom! There's C! Say hi to C! Mom! How come you didn't go say hi to C?" or "Mom, how come C doesn't say hi back when you say hi to her?" Thus far, I've been able to divert her attention or change the subject, but at some point, I will need to answer her. Any suggestions as to how to address the tension and discuss her behavior with the kids without disparaging her or confusing the kids?
The second question is really the big one. As I mentioned, the kids currently go to the same school. DSS's mom doesn't work and is able to be very involved at school, which is great, but that means she is ALWAYS there. Not only do I run in to her at drop-offs, but there are school programs, field trips, fundraisers, field day, etc. I pretty much always feel anxious and uncomfortable at school because odds are good I'm going to run in to her. I REALLY hate that I feel that way at my daughter's school. I want to go to her events and be relaxed and focused on her, rather than wondering where the angry, hostile ex is and when I'm going to run in to her.
The school they attend now is outstanding and probably the best elementary school in our district. It is not our assigned neighborhood school, however, so I could easily transfer my daughter. Our neighborhood school is also very good, but it's arguably not the same caliber of school. However, I am giving a lot of thought to transferring my daughter anyway. Of course, it would complicate things; two days a week we'd have to get two kids to two different schools 10 minutes apart that start at the exact same time. We'd have two sets of school programs and conferences and field days and fun runs, and sometimes they would conflict with one another. My daughter would have to adjust to a new school and make new friends. But, it would significantly cut down on the amount of forced contact between the adults, and the resulting tension and anxiety.
Does anyone have any experience with having their kids in separate schools, either for similar reasons or altogether different reasons, or thoughts about changing schools? Would it be selfish of me to transfer my daughter in order to make MY experience at her school more pleasant?
I would appreciate any input.