Potty Learning - Page 3
Is it weird that I'm emotional over not being able to be home to potty train most effectively? It's realllly upsetting me. I am not a very consistent person with daily tasks to begin with, and DH is even worse than me, so between me being out of the house 50 hrs/wk and him having slightly more time with her than me, I don't know how this is going to work. I need my weekends to decompress after the work week. The thought of following around a bottomless toddler and cleaning up messes on my only 2 free days makes me want to throw up. Really. I know, I shouldn't complain, I signed up for this as a mother... and I want to make it work. I just clearly don't know how to do it using a tag-team method between me, DH, and our DCP. Did I mention school starts back up for me in 8 days? Then I can kiss any free time goodbye until December. I have a feeling poor Sora won't be potty-trained til the new year...
Yes, and I'm pretty darn positive that there are few dads out there who feel guilt over not being home to potty train. If it makes you feel better, I was home with dd1 and not home with dd2, and dd2 was potty trained much earlier. Also, the idea of following a bottomless toddler around cleaning poo and pee off my carpet makes me feel like this:
I'm also maintaining that my kid is not that advanced on the pottying skills. I swear, he pees like a newborn. He pees constantly. He will pee, we change the diaper, 10 minutes later he has peed again. Maybe that is not normal?
Joanie, your feelings are totally valid. There really are two schools of thought on this: do it early, usually with some effort and possibly deal with accidents for quite some time or let it happen much later when the kid initiates, usually with less effort and less accidents. There are pros and cons to both. Do it early and you are much less likely to deal with power trips from your kid and much less diapers to buy (and put in landfills) or clean. Do it later and you might deal with the stubbornness that comes with 2 year olds and the sass that comes with 3 year olds. But what is your accident tolerance? If it's really low and you just don't have the emotional energy right now, waiting may be the right course for you. And of course it's not black and white. Even if you choose not to train now, she may decide to do it all on her own 6 months from now. You just don't know.
But, if you do really feel like trying now is the right thing to do, but you're feeling overwhelmed by the idea, I can say that potty training is generally super frustrating for only a few days and then it starts to get better. The getting better part is so satisfying that you get motivated to keep going and then it's done! Accidents yes. But diapers, no. Labor day is coming up this weekend... can you take off Friday and.or Tuesday as well and just do it? This would give you several days, days where you have your dh's help as well and it might not feel so burdensome. And who knows? She might totally pick it up this time and then that's quite the accomplishment for your days off. If your DCP is willing, you can send her to daycare with trainers and ask her to offer the potty frequently.
But, also do not feel pressured to do this now just b/c some of us have or b/c Sora is cuing you. It can also be done in stages. Just start taking her more and more frequently when you can. If Sora picks up on your frustration and anxiety for the process then that can affect things, too. Follow your gut!
Amanda, I've seen high pee frequency in disposable diapered boys and constipated boys. I don't know if he is either of those. I thought you were waiting to do it with his daycare?
I know, right? But I think Dr. Sears was trying to say that boys potty trained by fathers might train faster. It seems a bizarre idea to me considering I didn't potty train any of my boys to pee standing up.
Joanie, I agree with Jaimee, don't feel stressed out or pressured to potty train if you're not ready yet. Most of the people I've known have waited until their kids were older and they had a pretty easy time of it. My mom always says that she didn't both to train any of her 5 kids, she just put a potty out around age 2 and we somehow learned (she was always busy and worked from home). Sora is smart, she'll pick it up quickly when she's ready. I think a lot of Coralie's success is that she has older siblings to mimic.
It really is true though that the average age for boys in the US is somewhere around 3yo. I've had friends with very smart, highly verbal kids who wore diapers until 3.5yo. Then, they were all excited when the kids trained and one even threw her boy a party. Uh, I'm just not in the camp that thinks that potty training a 3.5yo is worth a party..
Cyan only had girls to mimic and he sat down to pee for a long time. Coralie has both and sometimes she tries to stand to pee in her little potty. She had terrible aim. Heh.
Coralie is still in the faze of having 1-2 accidents a day and she hasn't mastered poop yet at all. She gets maybe 1/3 of her poops in the potty. We happen to have all wood/tile floors here, so it's not a big deal to clean up a pee if she's naked (which is a lot).
Amanda, I read recently that kids can pee a lot if they're not getting enough to drink. The example that I read said that her toddler peed less when she drank more. I know that it can be hard to make sure some kids are drinking enough when they wean.. or maybe he drinks too much? I have always struggled to get Cyan to drink what I think is enough water. Some days Coralie pees every 15 minutes though, mostly after eating a lot of watermelon or something. I just make sure to put the potty in the room where she is for easy access.
Avery poops 1-2 times a day. Sometimes zero. Sometimes three times. Zero is usually caused by some sort of travel- like we get in the morning and drive for several hours. He may not poop that day. Then the next day he may poop several times to get it all out, hence the 3. Sometimes he'll poop more if there seems to be a bit of indigestion, which I can tell by the color and consistency of the poop. But more often than not, he poops in the morning after breakfast and occasionally again after his post-nap snack.
Well, so much for that theory. At least if a kid pees a lot it should be easier to catch a few in the potty? I think that Coralie pees less often now that she's mostly trained, so maybe there's a connection between with training and holding it longer? I really have no idea, I'm just guessing. I would venture to say that it's not worth getting stressed about it. I started training Cyan and 2.5yo and he had a lot of accidents until around 4yo. He really just didn't want to stop what he was doing to pee, so he'd hold it until he was going to burst, which often ended in at least a partial accident. This seems common with boys.
Yes, partial accidents... Austin still has them at least once a week and he's 3.5 years old and has been trained since 20 months.
As for the holding it longer and potty training- I think there is something to that. My kids drink a TON of water- everyone comments on it so it must really be true. That means a lot of pee and frequently. Before training, they would pee like every 10 minutes. But after training they figured out how to get more out at one time and pee less frequently. It was like if they were going to bother to sit on a potty, they might as well get it all out. I noticed it even more with poop. They had been more frequent poopers, but once they used the potty exclusively, they sat there longer and got it all out. I wondered if it felt terrible to poop everything out in the diaper- so much in there- that instead they pooped little amounts, getting changed each time. Or that pushing a bunch out into a diaper is actually more difficult b/c you have to push it against the diaper? I don't know. But training to help with both these things.
Oh, Abra and Jaimee, my dd1 was like that, too. She would be so absorbed things that she wouldn't stop in time. Almost all her accidents were on the floor in front of the toilet. I'd say that went on until she was 4.