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Help from Family - Timing

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 

So, my mother in law is planning to come help for 2-4 weeks after the baby is born and we're trying to figure out when to have her come.  We live in California and she'll be coming from Toronto, so it's a pretty significant trip and we'd like to buy the ticket before it gets too expensive.  My BIL and his wife and 1 1/2 year old daughter also plan to come on the tail end of her trip (also from TO), both to help out and visit/meet the baby.


What are your recommendations from those of you who have had babies before and know what sort of help is really required, especially for a FTM?  When do you think is best for her to come? I definitely don't want to schedule it too early and risk having her show up before the baby is born, because as much as I like her and am looking forward to her helping around the house, it will be incredibly stressful for me to have her here before the birth.  Given that I don't have a way of knowing when the baby will actually arrive also makes the planning a bit tricky.  As a FTM I hear that it's common to go post dates, but I arrived early for my mom, and I just have a feeling this baby will arrive a bit early too, although what do I know.   I also want to have enough time to have settled in a bit before too many visitors arrive.


I should also add that my mom lives only about an hour and a half from us, and is definitely planning to come help out, probably in 2-3 day stints; so we do have some immediate help and it's not urgent to have my MIL right away; although my husband has no more vacation days left at work so will be unable to take any time off (other than the occasional work from home day) when the baby is born.  My mom will, however, be juggling between helping me, and my brother, as his wife is due with their first about 6 weeks before me, so I won't have unlimited access to her.


Would love your thoughts ladies!

post #2 of 6
I would suggest having her come out when you are between 41-42 weeks. Chances are that you will have had your baby by then and any slack that your mom cant fill can be picked up by friends/your dh. IME everyone wants to help out right after the baby is born but I found that I needed the most help when I was about a week post partum, when my home started showing signs of neglect and I was getting sick of takeout.
post #3 of 6

Hmmm... I would say a week after your EDD. That way worse case she is here a week before or a month after you give birth. I don't know how you handle your chores etc. but I can let a lot go close to a month around here... especially if we were to do paper plates.

post #4 of 6

I agree with 1-2 weeks after your due date.  Personally, I enjoy having some time alone with baby before having over night visitors.  Those first few nights can be a bit tricky and I don't like to have an audience! ;)

post #5 of 6
Originally Posted by heyitskalista View Post

I agree with 1-2 weeks after your due date.  Personally, I enjoy having some time alone with baby before having over night visitors.  Those first few nights can be a bit tricky and I don't like to have an audience! wink1.gif


I agree with the audience part. With my first I had visitors right away (even my sister in laws new boyfriend) and I had a hard time establishing nursing and the labor was hard and to have that many people with cameras following us (the baby) around was crazy. I ended up hiding in my room with the baby so I could just figure it out without any helpful advice from anyone.
With my second we had only one person there to help with the toddler and no overnight visitors for a week- way nicer. So much more peaceful for me to know my baby some before having to hand her over to inlaws etc. for photos and special outfits for those photos and on and on and on.

I would opt for a week after the baby arrives. Minimum. And some occasional help from your mom until then. That first week is one you will never get back, make it as peaceful as you can.
post #6 of 6

With our first we were living with dh's parents. WORST WEEK OF MY LIFE. Hands down.


We had DS at 1am in our room there and by the time mil came home from work at 4 that afternoon she had known to bring food b-c the whole house was FULL busting at the seams with people. My dad came after a half day of work but then friends just started piling in. It was redic. Then our inlaws friends started showing up too.


Dh's cousins came. Who I had met a handful of times with a gf no one had ever met(granted she's crazy awesome and I love her to death now) when a total stranger is holding your 2 day old you start losing your mind.


Our newest came and people started showing up a day later and dh had learned by that point not to be overly nice. He posted a sign on the door


Do not ring bell

Do not leave ANYTHING laying around

Do not show up empty handed if you do not have tea/coffee and food you are not coming in

Offer to do something or no you do not get to hold baby


And remember we love you(and Amy is hormonal...piss her off and you deal with her)


He's extended on said list for new baby. I didn't know he had posted it until I actually saw people pull in,read the sign and then leave again....hilarious stuff

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