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Screams bloody murder in his cloth carrier, refuses to walk to where we need him

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 

Ah. My little wolf. He is a leader, not a follower. A wolf, not a sheep. My free-spirited.... WHY WON"T YOU WALK WHERE MOMMY NEEDS YOU TO?!!

 

*ahem* Anyway. The last several weeks I've been getting this bout of neck strain. My friend thinks it's along the lines of a repetitive stress injury, from carrying my son around, as the side of my neck that is straining, is the side of my body I carry him on most often.

 

He's 2. And he doesn't care if we walk away. If I try to take his hand, or his arm, and gently lead him, he cries out and sinks himself to the ground.

 

But yet, the instant he sees the cloth carrier(which I haven't used, to honor his wishes), he screams bloody murder. I can't keep carrying him around when we need him to go a direction we need to go, and the stroller we have is massive, and bulky(from a travel system, so.....) he also screamed bloody murder last time he was in that thing. The boy hates being restrained, as I said...free-spirit. We don't even put him in a high chair, for the same reasons, and I really, really wish we had gotten him used to a pacifier for the carseat, because after a certain while he gets antsy in that and starts crying.

 

He truly lives up to the meaning of his name. Little Hawk of Battle.

 

Anyway, so I'm asking for some help here, from you guys. I think his main issue is he feels trapped. He knows at first cry no one is whipping him out of the restraint. And it's not because we don't honor or respect his wishes, but because mentally, we try to cross out any other reasons he's crying. Y'know? It makes it worse for him when he can't let himself out. I try to honor his independence as much as possible, and place myself in his shoes. I hate feeling trapped, too.

 

My solutions right now are bringing his wagon with us to use instead of a stroller(he *LOVES* that thing-but I'm not sure it will fit in cargo..it's pretty bulky), using a leash, or getting an umbrella stroller.

 

I also wanted to note: I oppose any suggestions of; "Well, you're the parent, make him walk." My MIL pretty much already said this to me(only, she used the phrase "boss"...*shudders*), and I had everything I could do to refrain from telling her to shut her mouth. Our son is 2 years old. He only can do so much walking until his legs are exhausted, =\


Edited by EchoSoul - 5/17/13 at 5:02pm
post #2 of 18
1.Umbrella strollers are cheap, especially used. It's worth trying.

2. Have you tried other ways of baby wearing besides the soft carrier (is it a front and back carrier, like an Ergo, or a front only carrier, like a bjorn?) There are so many carries you can do with a wrap, he might like one. Or maybe a ring sling, minimal "restraint" but it still takes some of the weight and distributes it in a more comfortable way for you, and you could switch hips more easily to keep your neck from going out of wack.
post #3 of 18
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Banana731 View Post

1.Umbrella strollers are cheap, especially used. It's worth trying.

2. Have you tried other ways of baby wearing besides the soft carrier (is it a front and back carrier, like an Ergo, or a front only carrier, like a bjorn?) There are so many carries you can do with a wrap, he might like one. Or maybe a ring sling, minimal "restraint" but it still takes some of the weight and distributes it in a more comfortable way for you, and you could switch hips more easily to keep your neck from going out of wack.


No; I've used the same carrier(Mei Tai type) ever since I started wearing him. It does face-in, face-out, and back carry. I know that I read for wraps they're really only comfortable when the baby is still fairly lightweight, but otherwise, I've read many, many complaints that past that, it just hurts.

 

Because it's like.... my neck will hurt so much it travels up to my head and makes me feel like I'm going to vomit with the slightest movement. =\ The other day my fiance got me some ice to hold to my neck, and when I took that off, my neck was stiff, so I jumped in a really hot shower and that helped... but I still wound up taking an Ibuprofen. And I do not like taking pills.

 

I mean.. we really don't have the money to experiment. And I certainly don't have the money to experiment with different carriers.

 

I think I might try plopping him in the stroller we do have and not buckling him in to see what his reaction is. The thing with what we've got is it's in a reclined position, and he also like to see what's going on around him. So maybe if he can sit up, he won't mind so much =\ Beyond that, I'll look into an umbrella stroller.

post #4 of 18

OK, this is going to probably going to make you cringe, but hear me out.  I wore my daughter for nearly 18 months, for hours and hours a day - she would not tolerate strollers, swings, bouncies, etc.  Then at 17-18-ish months she decided carriers were also NOT HAPPENING.    She was/is a bolter...would not hold hands without screeching and dropping to the floor.....and still hated strollers...and would fling/arch herself backwards in carriers.  And if I didn't have a hold on her, would just GO - no impulse control, no amount of redlight/greenlight games helped, leaving places didn't help, carrying her out didn't help.  She just wasn't there. 

 

What helped? (And could have knocked me over with a feather, because it *is* a restraint) - One of those backpacks with a tether on it.  SHE LOVED HER BEAR BACKPACK.  She didn't strain on it, she didn't bolt away, she didn't flail, scream, or resist it - I interacted with her the same as I would if we were walking holding hands.  Any other method of trying to contain her/keep others and objects around us safe yielded a shrieking tantrum.  The magical bear backpack/tether yielded a happy girl who could explore her world and enjoy outings.  

 

I know a lot of people have objections to these....but if we think about honoring our kid and keeping them safe, isn't the thing that leads to them being happiest and interacting with the world the right choice?  It's not for every kid (my firstborn was content to hold my hand or sit in a stroller), but for some it's a lifesaver (emotionally, and potentially literally!)

post #5 of 18
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by The4OfUs View Post

OK, this is going to probably going to make you cringe, but hear me out.  I wore my daughter for nearly 18 months, for hours and hours a day - she would not tolerate strollers, swings, bouncies, etc.  Then at 17-18-ish months she decided carriers were also NOT HAPPENING.    She was/is a bolter...would not hold hands without screeching and dropping to the floor.....and still hated strollers...and would fling/arch herself backwards in carriers.  And if I didn't have a hold on her, would just GO - no impulse control, no amount of redlight/greenlight games helped, leaving places didn't help, carrying her out didn't help.  She just wasn't there. 

 

What helped? (And could have knocked me over with a feather, because it *is* a restraint) - One of those backpacks with a tether on it.  SHE LOVED HER BEAR BACKPACK.  She didn't strain on it, she didn't bolt away, she didn't flail, scream, or resist it - I interacted with her the same as I would if we were walking holding hands.  Any other method of trying to contain her/keep others and objects around us safe yielded a shrieking tantrum.  The magical bear backpack/tether yielded a happy girl who could explore her world and enjoy outings.  

 

I know a lot of people have objections to these....but if we think about honoring our kid and keeping them safe, isn't the thing that leads to them being happiest and interacting with the world the right choice?  It's not for every kid (my firstborn was content to hold my hand or sit in a stroller), but for some it's a lifesaver (emotionally, and potentially literally!)


LOL That doesn't make me cringe! In fact, that was one of the possible solutions I'd been toying with. My fiance and I have already discussed using tethers/leashes on kids. My fiance was much more for it than I was, but I haven't been necessarily completely against it, either. I can't say our son bolts, exactly. But if I start walking away he'll either stay in the same place, or distract himself with something around him. It would, however, be a good idea for safety, which was the main reason we discussed it, because our son doesn't connect "danger" with anything negative. =\ It's why we've given him the alternative nickname, "Listens like Cat" .____.

 

I also wanted to add, the only thing that's somewhat worked in getting him to walk where we need him to, is baiting him with a toy he likes. But even that is only momentarily. 


Edited by EchoSoul - 5/18/13 at 8:01am
post #6 of 18

I second the umbrella stroller. We have one and it's been a huge lifesaver on our backs and everyone's attitude. You can get them for $20-$30. Our guy likes to walk a fair bit, and he even likes to push the umbrella stroller. Then when he gets too tired to walk or we need to get around quickly, he rides in the stroller. One thing that's nice about it is he can (with a helping hand) get in and out of himself, so he chooses (more or less) when he wants to walk or ride. And it folds up easily and is really compact, so I can carry with one hand easily and it fits in the car without struggling and drama. At home, it hangs on the rod in the coat closet. 

post #7 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by EchoSoul View Post


No; I've used the same carrier(Mei Tai type) ever since I started wearing him. It does face-in, face-out, and back carry. I know that I read for wraps they're really only comfortable when the baby is still fairly lightweight, but otherwise, I've read many, many complaints that past that, it just hurts.

I do not find that to be true at all! Out of all my wraps, slings, and carriers- I find the mei tai to be one of the least comfortable for heavier babies. The ring sling isn't as comfortable as woven wrap, but it's far better than just carrying in your arms. The ergo types are really comfy, but I'd guess that your ds won't go for it given the dislike of the MT. Now, a stretchy Moby-type wrap would be hard for a heavier baby, but a woven spreads weight out far better than the MT, because you can make the fabric rails as wide as you like where the MT is just straps. I think if your ds won't tolerate the MT he may not go for a wrap either, but I still think that it's worth a shot, and that he may in fact be fine with a ring sling.

What is nice about a sling, or a wrap, or a backpack leash, is that you could go to a "baby boutique" shop and try all that stuff for free before you sink money into it. (an umbrella stroller you can try anywhere) then you can purchase anywhere you like. Ring slings are easy to get used on eBay, or at baby consignment stores, I bet those leash backpacks are too.
post #8 of 18
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Banana731 View Post


I do not find that to be true at all! Out of all my wraps, slings, and carriers- I find the mei tai to be one of the least comfortable for heavier babies. The ring sling isn't as comfortable as woven wrap, but it's far better than just carrying in your arms. The ergo types are really comfy, but I'd guess that your ds won't go for it given the dislike of the MT. Now, a stretchy Moby-type wrap would be hard for a heavier baby, but a woven spreads weight out far better than the MT, because you can make the fabric rails as wide as you like where the MT is just straps. I think if your ds won't tolerate the MT he may not go for a wrap either, but I still think that it's worth a shot, and that he may in fact be fine with a ring sling.

What is nice about a sling, or a wrap, or a backpack leash, is that you could go to a "baby boutique" shop and try all that stuff for free before you sink money into it. (an umbrella stroller you can try anywhere) then you can purchase anywhere you like. Ring slings are easy to get used on eBay, or at baby consignment stores, I bet those leash backpacks are too.


I'm sorry, you're right. It was all the Moby-types that I read about. I completely forgot about the woven kinds! The problem is, we live out in the boonies, and absolutely none of the consignment stores I've been in have EVER carried cloth carriers. We don't even have a cloth diaper store nearby, either.

post #9 of 18

I had to play a lot of games with ds to get him to walk when he was 2.  He came to school with me everyday to go to the daycare there, so we had to walk to the bus stop and then up campus to the daycare and back again everyday.  I couldn't handle wearing him and my back pack and his daycare bag, and just didn't want to deal with the bulk of the stroller on and off the bus along with him and the bags.  He was not as difficult as you are describing your ds, but it took a lot of patience.  We would play red light/green light, or chase our shadows, try to step on each other's shadows, practice walking backward, or on our toes, kick leaves, make footprints in the snow, splash puddles, hop over cracks, etc etc.   Anything to keep him going.  They weren't long distances, he just had trouble focusing.  It got better over time with practice, though I still ended up carrying him sometimes.  Good luck. 

post #10 of 18
One thing which sometimes works for my LO is getting her to run and touch an object a few feet in front of us. Then another on and and another. "Run and touch the tree! Oh, good one! Um, now, run and touch the... Fence! Yay!" Until you get to wherever.

Obviously this won't be suitable for every situation but it might be another tool for your kit.
post #11 of 18
Thread Starter 

Huh... well I'll be damned. Making a game out of him touching things seems to work. I just couldn't get him out of the bathroom, so I excitedly told him to go and touch the laundry doors just outside of the bathroom, and while he didn't touch them, it seemed to make him think mommy was really excited about something outside of the bathroom(he only has few words), and then he stopped outside the bathroom, and I told him to touch the treadmill down the hall, and while he didn't touch that, he ran into the living room. Interesting..

post #12 of 18
Thread Starter 

I also tried something else. I was watching a feral cat we have around here play with her three kittens, and then walk off and have them just willingly follow her. And as silly as it sounds, it struck a cord. I thought, "Why don't I have the same respect?" And then I remembered something..it is said when you discipline a child you should get down on their level, because being disciplined by someone 3x their size or so is frightening. And I remembered how at the playground, he took the hand of a little girl as she helped him up the slide. ..So the next time we were in the bathroom, which he has not been wanting to leave, I squatted down near the door and opened my hand. And whattaya know, he willingly came over, took my hand, and walked out the door as I gently led him that way.

post #13 of 18

My second doesn't love the sling and will not hold my hand (most of the time) but she actually likes the stroller (most of the time).  I dislike being a stroller parent just because, for me, fidgeting around with a stroller in and out of the car (we live in a car town) rarely seems worth the effort...BUT, I find myself using it more and more because DC likes it.  We have a free-b from the side of the road Grayco ugly as sin number that is super comfortable and even has this shade structure that DC can sit on like a horse if she's feeling especially antsy. It's bulky the way it folds but doesn't take up much space on the sidewalk and etc. I never feel like I'm hogging the world.  Good luck with your squirmy-wormy! 

 

I also wanted to add that we also have a high-end umbrella stroller that I rarely use. DC seems sensitive to the fact that it's less comfortable and the wheels are so small that it takes two hands to push. The hassle of unfolding the bigger stroller is worth it in user friendlyness after the fact.

post #14 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by EchoSoul View Post


No; I've used the same carrier(Mei Tai type) ever since I started wearing him. It does face-in, face-out, and back carry. I know that I read for wraps they're really only comfortable when the baby is still fairly lightweight, but otherwise, I've read many, many complaints that past that, it just hurts.

 

Because it's like.... my neck will hurt so much it travels up to my head and makes me feel like I'm going to vomit with the slightest movement. =\ The other day my fiance got me some ice to hold to my neck, and when I took that off, my neck was stiff, so I jumped in a really hot shower and that helped... but I still wound up taking an Ibuprofen. And I do not like taking pills.

 

I mean.. we really don't have the money to experiment. And I certainly don't have the money to experiment with different carriers.

 

I think I might try plopping him in the stroller we do have and not buckling him in to see what his reaction is. The thing with what we've got is it's in a reclined position, and he also like to see what's going on around him. So maybe if he can sit up, he won't mind so much =\ Beyond that, I'll look into an umbrella stroller.

 

I read that post and my back started to seize up! The Mei Tai was so uncomfortable for me by the time my daughter was 6 or 7 months old! It just didn't support her weight well at all. I can't imagine using it with a toddler--ouch! I switched to the Boba which supports her weight much better. 

I would definitely go somewhere you can try different models of carriers. Once you find something you like, you can try to find a used one online if your budget doesn't extend to new. Normally I don't advocate the try stuff in the store, then buy it online approach, but if you're suffering and can't afford something better, it seems to be the best of all possible worlds. 

post #15 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by EchoSoul 
So the next time we were in the bathroom, which he has not been wanting to leave, I squatted down near the door and opened my hand. And whattaya know, he willingly came over, took my hand, and walked out the door as I gently led him that way.

joy.gif

post #16 of 18
Thread Starter 

Thanks! We're thinking of doing the harness for safety, and probably a cheap umbrella stroller when his legs get tired. as I said in my previous post; squatting down to his level and holding ou tmy hand seems to be working!

 

At this point, I'm not sure we'd have the money for a used carrier =\

post #17 of 18
Thread Starter 

Yup..tried it again. Working like a charm. :)

 

Edit: Inside is easier than outside. Outside he'll willingly come to my hand as long as I'm like 8 ft away, but is still easily distracted by things he wants to investigate. However, he'll hold my hand and walk the entire way there! But he's also been listening to "Stay." as long as I squat down when I say it. When usually, he'd just walk off. Feeling like an awesome mom right now.

 

...Annd I can distract him from the distraction by throwing in something else to look at. Like I just distracted him from checking out the lawn mower, by saying "Let's go check out his tree over here!" And we got there, and he gave it a hug.


Edited by EchoSoul - 5/19/13 at 6:21pm
post #18 of 18
Thread Starter 

As it turns out, he DOES like the stroller we already have. If only it weren't so bulky and heavy =\

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