I am a step mother. I love my little buddy with all of my heart. Now he is not my child, so the way he is being raised by his mother is none of my business. What goes on at my house, however, is. To all the families out there, someone please read this story, and maybe just tell me it will be ok, even though it doesn't feel like it. *sigh* here goes.
My husbands previous wife left him. He has produced evidence of her cheating and so she left. Not a big deal. Custody agreement signed, everything is ok, not a big deal. I come in months after she has left as my, now husbands, caregiver. As an outsider looking in, and as a caregiver, I listen to my patient in his laments about his ex-wife. Like anyone else, I thought he was just, you know, complaining about his ex.
We begin to see each other, I move in. I begin to see it. He calls her phone to talk to his son, for a year the excuse was- I don't have him I'm at work. Funny thing is she swore to my husband up and down (in front of me I might add) that she only worked one night a week. Whatever. So husbands son comes over and cries every time he is over about not spending any time with his mother, which we find really really odd, since she has physical. This goes on till the end of preschool. Then on his graduation his mother tells my husband -oh, by the way, my son and I are moving to Memphis. That's three hours away.
Fast forward almost 8 months to court. She has moved back after living in TN all summer. She is told she cannot stay with her boyfriend with her child (she had been taking her son to spend the night at mens houses during the school week and lying about it), she may not leave the state with her son without informing my husband (thats how he lost his first kids, wife put them in a car and left), and her son is to be available to talk to his father from 6-730 every night- no exceptions.
First week out of court she leaves the state, tells no one, could care less. Then we get a call from my husbands kid CRYING because, and I quote- "well, we were gonna spend the night at mr jakes house but momma locked the BEDROOM DOOR and I DID NOT WANT TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH. Then, more than once, my husband has not gotten to talk to his child at all despite calling for an HOUR AND A HALF. Then we talk to him the next day and this 6 year old asks his dad- Why didn't you call me yesterday? Try explaining that you did but mommy didn't answer the phone. A six year old. She has constantly alienated her son from his father, he doesn't want to talk to his dad or spend any time with him anymore. We dance and sing and take walks and cook, we go on adventure, and do crafts and play games...
Here's the big issue. After going to a court ordered Child in the Middle and being told all of the problems (including her violating the agreement) was his fault. Even though he has no bearing in this womans life, it is ALL my husbands fault that this kid is upset when he doesn't get to see his mom, and its my husbands fault she violates the custody agreement (?????WHA???). My husband is at his limit. His child doesn't want to see his father. My husband cries all the time wondering what to do. He calls every night, asks about school, asks when school stuff is going on, wants to be included. He has been told- I don't care what you think, I have physical custody care and control so I get to make these choice and I do not need your opinion, It's my son and I can do whatever I want. We have talked to lawyers, they have all said that there is nothing they can do, its too soon out of court, give it some time, and that anything we say is just heresay, she'll never admit to saying something wrong.
I am a step mother. My husband is hurting and I have no idea what to do or advice to give. My husband talks about signing his son over because it has gotten so bad. If you made it this far, thanks for sticking it out with me. *sigh* rant end...