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Parenting Step-daughters and my son full-time while fiance works away.

post #1 of 3
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My Fiance and I have been together now for 2 1/2 years and I have been raising his daughters full time for the last 2. The girls are now 4 and 5 and about to be 5 and 6 in a month. When we all decided to start living together my fiancé and I were both single parents, I had been raising my son who is now 5, alone since he was born, and fiancé had been a single parent for just under a year and was really struggling, he was working long hours and having trouble finding anyone dependable to watch the girls and the BM is not stable and not involved so I basically just stepped in. I potty trained the youngest who was still in diapers, I caught both girls up on their shots and got them enrolled in pre-school with my son while I was working but in the end I had to quit my job because they were not healthy and I was called home from work to go get them at least once a week. After that my Fiance was forced to find a better job to support us all and ended up on an oil rig in North Dakota, and is now gone for 20 days a month while I stay at home with the kids. At first I was determined to be the best step mother ever, and I still do take good care of all three of the kids, I keep them clean, make sure they eat well, do activities, take them to the park, do homework with the oldest who is in kindergarten and do work sheets and flash cards with all of them and teach them their letters and numbers, read them stories, everything I can do to make sure they are all happy and healthy. But I am so depressed and miserable. I loved my job, I loved my paycheck and I loved feeling like I was contributing. I know being a Mom is such an important job and I know my kids love having me home but I don't feel as fulfilled as I did when I had a career. On top of that my youngest step daughter has become violent with the other two children and my fiancé doesn't act like its a big deal. I have become impatient lately with the kids because I never get time away from them, the last time we even went on a date was Valentines Day which was over 3 months ago now. And to even add more to it we have just found out that the BM is now a lesbian and living with her girlfriend who is a felon, so I had our lawyer change the custody agreement to state that she could not take the girls to her home with the girlfriend present, and then her mother, the girls Grandmother, is insisting that I am keeping the girls from her and her family and claiming she and her three daughters have been trying to contact me and that I ignore them, which is not true, and in fact I would welcome them to take the girls off my hands for a weekend every once in a while and give me a little break, I just don't feel its appropriate for them to have the girls around someone my Fiance and I have never met and has been to prison, BM is allowed to take the girls for overnight visitation to her Mothers house though but has not even attempted to see the girls for the entire 2 years they have lived with me, and we basically only have a custody agreement as a precaution anyway just in case she ever tried to just show up on our door one day, so I'm a little confused why its my fault the girls grandmother hasn't seen them and why she isn't blaming her own daughter for that, but its all just adding more stress to my life and making things worse. Sometimes I think of just packing up my son and leaving, which is such a sad thing because I really do Love my Fiance and I really do love his daughters, I just hate the situation that this has all put me in. I feel so overwhelmed and so alone. :(

post #2 of 3

That sounds like a really tough situation.  I'm going to bump this up so maybe someone else who has something to add will see it.

post #3 of 3
Wow. What a hard and painful situation! I have very little good advice to add as I am a total novice to this step-parenting business. One thing that may be really good would be to join a local step-mom support group. It would be a great way for you to build a community of women that "get it" and can provide support.
I completely understand that you need a career to feel fulfilled and challenged. Is there anyway that you can work from home, or get a part time position that allows you hours that work with the kids' schedules? The time away, even just for a few hours a week, might be just what you need!
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