So even though I have birthed 3 babies I feel like this time I am starting all over again. I find myself scared. I always said if I had another baby I would have a UC. My last birth went so well and was so easy.
Now I watch homebirth videos and I find myself bawling , thinking how am I going to do this? thoughts flood my mind of my partner not being home when it happens. (He's military so there is always that possibility.) I know I trust my body deep down to know what to do. Though I am so scared , I have this incredible fear that I just can't do it. What was I thinking, maybe I shouldn't have kept this pregnancy. What if I fail. What if something happens.
I used to be so confident. I used to be so involved in births and pregnancy. I know what is normal and not. I feel so out of the loop. Even though I have read every natural birth book, watch hundreds of videos.
I am so emotional this pregnancy. This is my partners first child. So I also have a lot of apprehensions how he will deal with seeing me in labor. How will he react? We have talked about so much and he said he will be nervous but he will be there supporting me through it all. He has always been super supportive.
Help me ladies, Help me rebuild my confidence again. I need your support.