Hey everyone. I realize that this is a forum aimed at helping women out during pregnancy but there's such a lack of help resources out there for fathers-to-be, I am hoping you can all offer me some help.
I'm a 23 year old male, and in November I had what you might call a one-night stand with a 22 yr old girl . I didn't use protection (she said she was on birth control). Honestly, I didn't expect to see that girl ever again, and I'm pretty sure she felt the same way. We live an hour apart and both saw it as just a one night thing. As you can probably guess, I got a text from her about a month later informing me she was pregnant.
Obviously this was absolutely devastating. I felt overwhelming fear, shame, regret, and anger. My first reaction was, "How do I get out of this?" I asked her about having an abortion and she firmly told me that was out of the question. She said she wouldn't come after me and I didn't have to be involved if I didn't want to. Of course I didn't -want- to, I'm a selfish college student working a part time job. But it only took a couple hours for me to come to my senses and realize that both of my parents were there for me, so I had to be there for my child too. Also, this girl was probably feeling a lot of fear herself and I needed to be there for her.
I slowly started to tell my friends and family about it, and their obvious reaction was "make sure it's yours". I know I need to get a paternity test, but I also feel deep down that it has to be mine. I didn't use any restraint when we had sex, and the dates match up pretty much perfectly for her due date and ovulation cycle and everything. She also told me I was her only sexual partner that month. Even if she lied about that, there's still a very good chance it's my baby.
So I decided I would do whatever I could to help her and we could try to co-parent and make things work. I have no romantic interest in her, and I felt trying to force a relationship would only end with both of us being hurt. It was much better to be civil friends right from the start to try and develop a consistent routine.
I went to her doctors appointments with her, making the hour drive out to her town whenever I needed to. I met her mother and had a face to face chat with her about everything. I actually have worked at a daycare and currently work at a baby retailer so I know I can take care of a baby without any problems. Everything was going fairly smoothly, she even said she wanted the baby to have my last name.
Fast forward to March, and we went to find out the gender. Turns out it's a girl. I was very excited to tell my loved ones, but everything changed after that day. She randomly stopped responding to me for a week and then sent me a short text saying that she was sorry but she's just dealing with stress/anxiety/whatever.
Then she told me that she currently started dating someone who makes her very happy. This was fine with me as, like I said, I had no interest in being with her in a relationship. She told me that her new boyfriend wasn't going to interfere with my relationship with the baby, but her actions started to tell otherwise. Her responses to me have been brief and infrequent ever since. We had plans to meet one day and she blew me off to spend time with her boyfriend.
Eventually, I decided to just give her some space so I stopped texting her all the time. I don't know why some guy would want to enter into a serious relationship with a girl who is pregnant with another man's baby, but this individual seems all for it. I haven't seen her since Early March and havent talked to her in about a month.
Today I noticed on her Facebook page, her boyfriend's mother posted something saying that she was excited about the baby.
I've been dealing with this the best I can, but this kind of set me off. I thought I was doing everything right. Being supportive, helping financially, being there for her. Most guys in my situation would have said "screw you!" and vanished when they found out she was pregnant. I have tried to have integrity from the start and own up to my mistake and now I'm being phased out.
I know I need to talk to her, but I don't know how to do it. She may just dismiss me with a "I'm too stressed to deal with this right now" line and leave it at that. I know I can't be mean to her but it's so hard to be going through this. Her and her family are so excited about this baby. They're buying clothes, picked out a name, setting up a nursery, etc. I don't even know when/if I'll be able to see my child and it seems like she's lining up another guy to play the father role.
So, I come to you to try and ask for help. What should I do? How can I try talking to her? Why in the world is she putting me through this, knowing I was there for her and talked to her every single day in the early stages of her pregnancy?