I know a guy who had joint custody with his daughter for 3 years before he was told he wasn't the father. DNA test confirmed it.
It's better to know up front, you did the right thing. Grieve what you've lost, but breathe.
woooah I did NOT see that coming!! however, I think you have dodged a major major bullet and honestly, as horrible as baby mama has been, she has saved you the agony of having to walk away from a close relationship with your (perceived) daughter. she did you a big favor by keeping you at such a distance and I am thrilled for you that you get to start over and have a baby one day in a very different circumstance. you will make an amazing father. you have handled this all with such grace and I want to affirm you for what an awesome job you've done. I don't know if I could be as big as you and just walk away without saying a few words lol.
You know, I really didn't think I would be too upset about this at all. I mean, this is essentially a get-out-of-jail free card for me. But as I started to go through and delete all of the pictures I had in my phone of the baby, I actually found myself thinking "Oh this one is too cute, I can't delete that." And then I ended up with like 10 leftover pictures, and it kind of started to hit me. I took a little bit of pride in creating that little girl, and I was a little excited to be able to show her off to the world and watch her grow. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely know that this is for the best and I should be thanking my lucky stars, but there still is a little void in my heart for now. My friends were egging me on to come out and get drunk tonight, assuming I would want to just let loose, but instead I spent the night looking through these pictures and going through all my texts with baby mom.
What a journey that was... I scrolled alllllll the way back up to the day she told me she was pregnant. The way she talked to me then compared to now is just night and day. I also found a few gems from her. This one was from the day she told me she was pregnant:
"You're being very mature about this, and I'm glad. I am positive you are the father, and I'm lucky for that"
and this from about a month later after I met her mom:
me: "Thanks for introducing me to your mother, she seems like a very nice woman. She understands where I'm coming from too I think. And Sorry if I was stressing you out by worrying that I might not be the father the other day. It was just in the back of my mind but it's really not fair to bring it up to you like that.
her: "Look, it's yours. I haven't had sex from anyone else in that time period. I'm not lying, I'm not covering anything up. I am being totally straightforward."
Man, reading that just gives me chills. It is so convincing it almost had me worried that the paternity test was inaccurate. I quickly came back to my senses though, but still!
The temptation to send her a screenshot of those texts along with a screenshot of the "There is a 0% chance that alleged father is the father of this child" notarized paper is very very strong right now.
Look at it this way....
You've passed the 'great father' test with flying colours - and now know what you have in you for potential future fatherhood, should you choose, and when you choose. Hurrah!
You've also aced the 'top human being' test too - for going above and beyond what a lot of young people would do in similar circumstances, and for committing to not just seeking the truth, but also to the potential care and custody of a whole other human being. Bravo you.
As everyone has been saying - grieve - and try and incorporate this into yourself and let it make you stronger and wiser - enjoy your (for now) unencumbered youth!
Wish you all the best.
oh wow, you have been through one hell of an emotional roller coaster.
I really hope you allow yourself to grieve the loss of a potential daughter (even though it is dodging a bullet) and to be angry at how this woman mistreated you - and that's an understatement.
Is there anyway for you to get free counseling at the university you attend? What you went through is huge and as someone above said, I hope you have people IRL who will help you deal with it.