or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Single Parenting › Here's something different: single dad
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Here's something different: single dad - Page 12

post #221 of 236

I know a guy who had joint custody with his daughter for 3 years before he was told he wasn't the father. DNA test confirmed it.

It's better to know up front, you did the right thing. Grieve what you've lost, but breathe.

post #222 of 236
Oh my mm what did he do? How devastating!

I agree it is so great you found out now. I though chances were that you were the father given her certainty on it at the start. Lucky you don't have to parent with her. You will make a great dad one day.
post #223 of 236
I am unbelievably thankful that you do not have to deal more with this manipulative woman. That being said, as someone who has had several losses, I think it makes total sense for you to be grieving a future you had envisioned with this baby. I hope that someday you get to be a dad with somebody who loves and supports you, cause your heart is already in the right place. Thanks for sharing your news with us. Hugs!
post #224 of 236
Originally Posted by Springshowers View Post

Oh my mm what did he do? How devastating!

He moved across the country and started over, he was devestated to say the least..he was an ap daddy.

post #225 of 236

Congratulations on getting the results and not having to deal with this crazy woman any more.

I am so sorry for everything you have been through, and for the loss of everything that might have been. I completely agree with those who have said to let yourself grieve. Take as long as you need, and lean on the support of those who love you.
post #226 of 236

woooah I did NOT see that coming!!  however, I think you have dodged a major major bullet and honestly, as horrible as baby mama has been, she has saved you the agony of having to walk away from a close relationship with your (perceived) daughter.  she did you a big favor by keeping you at such a distance and I am thrilled for you that you get to start over and have a baby one day in a very different circumstance.  you will make an amazing father.  you have handled this all with such grace and I want to affirm you for what an awesome job you've done.  I don't know if I could be as big as you and just walk away without saying a few words lol.

post #227 of 236
Wow. I'm sorry you've had to go through all this. I'd she had been honest and open in her communication with you from the very beginning this all could have gone very differently. It irritates me that she will most likely not learn from this experience and gets to just go on with her dishonest and manipulative ways. I imagine you will go through a roller coaster of emotions. I agree with everyone that ultimately its a blessing that you don't have to co parent with her., you seen to be such an understanding, rational and compassionate person and you have done the right thing through all of this. Someday you will be an awesome parent if and when you choose! Be gentle with yourself as you ease out of the turmoil and drama of the past year.
post #228 of 236
Thread Starter 

You know, I really didn't think I would be too upset about this at all. I mean, this is essentially a get-out-of-jail free card for me. But as I started to go through and delete all of the pictures I had in my phone of the baby, I actually found myself thinking "Oh this one is too cute, I can't delete that." And then I ended up with like 10 leftover pictures, and it kind of started to hit me. I took a little bit of pride in creating that little girl, and I was a little excited to be able to show her off to the world and watch her grow. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely know that this is for the best and I should be thanking my lucky stars, but there still is a little void in my heart for now. My friends were egging me on to come out and get drunk tonight, assuming I would want to just let loose, but instead I spent the night looking through these pictures and going through all my texts with baby mom.


What a journey that was... I scrolled alllllll the way back up to the day she told me she was pregnant. The way she talked to me then compared to now is just night and day. I also found a few gems from her. This one was from the day she told me she was pregnant:


"You're being very mature about this, and I'm glad. I am positive you are the father, and I'm lucky for that"


and this from about a month later after I met her mom:


me: "Thanks for introducing me to your mother, she seems like a very nice woman. She understands where I'm coming from too I think. And Sorry if I was stressing you out by worrying that I might not be the father the other day. It was just in the back of my mind but it's really not fair to bring it up to you like that.

her: "Look, it's yours. I haven't had sex from anyone else in that time period. I'm not lying, I'm not covering anything up. I am being totally straightforward."


Man, reading that just gives me chills. It is so convincing it almost had me worried that the paternity test was inaccurate. I quickly came back to my senses though, but still!


The temptation to send her a screenshot of those texts along with a screenshot of the "There is a 0% chance that alleged father is the father of this child" notarized paper is very very strong right now.

post #229 of 236
I think sadness and grief is totally normal in this situation. Give yourself space and time, honey. What she did was pretty awful, to be honest. I wouldn't exactly blame you for saying something to her, but I wouldn't encourage it either. Best to just go forth with your life. This is a pretty traumatic deal to go through, if you ask me.
post #230 of 236
Sadness and anger are totally normal and expected in a situation like this. You were right in not going out with your buddies drinking. Bad feelings and alcohol are a bad mix. Hopefully you have some people IRL that can hold you up and be your shoulder to cry on.

That being said you will have other ok feelings to. Relief, happiness and acceptance/contentment will come sooner than later. You just have to let the anger out.

I agree with not contacting *her* and just moving on. Delete her number out of your phone. If you want to keep a couple pictures of the baby, print them off at a one hour printer and then tuck them in the envelope with the paternity results and put it somewhere safe but not in sight and then clear the pictures from your phone.

Your world has been rocked and changed. You are a different person, life experiences changes us especially the hard and complicated ones. Take the time to grieve and then take the time to slowly find you again and do things that make you happy. When you are done grieving that is the time you can allow yourself to celebrate you for a little bit smile.gif
post #231 of 236
Wow. What a revelation! Your explanation of how her behavior explains this now makes sense, but I was pretty surprised.

I hope you take good care and allow yourself to grieve, so you can move on and be an amazing father to another lucky child or children someday. Good luck, OP. Thanks for bringing us all into your circle of trust to share your journey. Hope to see you back at Mothering again someday.
post #232 of 236

Look at it this way....


You've passed the 'great father' test with flying colours - and now know what you have in you for potential future fatherhood, should you choose, and when you choose. Hurrah!


You've also aced the 'top human being' test too - for going above and beyond what a lot of young people would do in similar circumstances, and for committing to not just seeking the truth, but also to the potential care and custody of a whole other human being. Bravo you.


As everyone has been saying - grieve - and try and incorporate this into yourself and let it make you stronger and wiser - enjoy your (for now) unencumbered youth!


Wish you all the best.

post #233 of 236

I'm so sorry!  It seems normal to grieve this loss.  Take care of yourself. 

post #234 of 236

oh wow, you have been through one hell of an emotional roller coaster. :Hug 

I really hope you allow yourself to grieve the loss of a potential daughter (even though it is dodging a bullet) and to be angry at how this woman mistreated you - and that's an understatement. 


 You've also aced the 'top human being' test too - for going above and beyond what a lot of young people would do in similar circumstances, and for committing to not just seeking the truth, but also to the potential care and custody of a whole other human being.




Is there anyway for you to get free counseling at the university you attend? What you went through is huge and as someone above said, I hope you have people IRL who will help you deal with it.

post #235 of 236

Thank you for sharing your journey.  Best wishes for your future!  

post #236 of 236
I signed up for an account to private message you but I guess I have to make ten posts before the site will let me PM so I'll just write it here.

I came across this thread by accident; it appeared in a google search. When I first started reading weeks ago I jumped to the end of the thread and was surprised that there wasn't an end and it was "live". I book marked the page and followed along.

I was intrigued because this thread was unique and was impressed at your dedication. I can't speak for all women but I know that I'm not alone in saying that I am jealous. I'm married with two young kids but I did not get nearly the support that you have offered to a women that is now clearly undeserving of it.

I am happy that you're out of a potentially long battle with custody but also saddened for your loss as you fought a long battle and lost something you thought may have been yours. I'm sure you have learned much, it helped you mature and has made you a stronger person.

Not only will you be an amazing dad, but also an amazing husband. The woman that gets to keep you is very lucky.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Single Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Single Parenting › Here's something different: single dad